In need of some encouragement

 I am just going to start by saying that I am extremely bummed that once again my new meds are not working for me.  I have been suffering through a major depression since February and even though I'm not in bed with the sheets over my head I cannot get out of the grip of this depression.  My Pdoc has tried different drugs, but I seem to be getting better and then either the deep dark blues come or I get into an agitated state.  I am just sick and tired of it and how I feel I can't be the wife and mother I have been.  I know there is an end to this...I went through my last and only major depression about 15 years ago, it just is so much harder now having kids and being older.  I am really trying to be strong, but would love to hear from others who have been there and done that.  My Pdoc is out of town until next week and I need to "grin and bear" it for now.  I am truly greatful for the good days, just hate slipping back into the depression.  Thanks for letting me vent...it does make me feel a little bit better.

hey babe, try to remember you had a few good days in there; and yes it is harder with kids and a few more years on us; but as you've pointed out yourself, the prior healing proves to you, you WILL get better. Yeah, it doesn't make the interim easy, that's for sure. But endure it you will, until you get to the place you need to be for you, your hubby and your girls. I know your hubby is a great support. Is he still full of beans atm or is it starting to take a toll on him too? It always helps if we can somehow live vicariously through the wellness of others. I know that sounds terrible but I love hanging out with healthy people who have no understanding of mental illness. Their lives are so full and vital and nothing seems to hold them back. I can do that when I am a bit more well than I am atm. I can't remember what you have in the way of family support but it has been a big week for you with the girls home and to get to the second part of it, before you feel exasperated is an achievement! Keep venting hun... we are here to help you limp to the pdoc finishing line next week ;)

thx linda, i thought i had mesed up, esp with you posting on the bi-polar forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep well, jamie

I really had a pretty good time and my girls absolutely LOVED it which made it so worthwhile. I have been on this new med Saphris and my Pdoc and I decided to go up since I was still feeling depressed, but the added dose made me so agitated so the night before I cut the dose in half again and I felt good all day despite a bunch of screaming kids.LOL I even got in the adult swim lane and swam for a half hour. I really felt peaceful which I was so greatful for. I feel OK today too, but I'm just not myself and that is very frustrating, but I'm going to take it one day at a time. I'm just glad I can do all this. I have had days this year when I couldn't get out of bed and had such dark thoughts in my head so I'll be greatful for doing OK right now. Thanks for the care and support, I just was at a real low. I think I still need new meds, but I am coping again. Good thing because tomorrow I'm at my girls' (twin 7 year olds) swim meet which means I'm up at 5:30 am.

Hi and Mom,

Been where you are, not fun. I was on Saphris when it first came out and I felt great for about a week and then it all went bad which was the normal course for me. The only thing that helped me was (with my frustrated PDoc's blessing) was to wean off and completely change my lifestyle. Thankfully for me it worked. Last week I had a day or two of hypomania then a low feeling for a couple of days, but was within a range that I could handle. Keep working with your Dr., do some research on your own about mood disorders and you will figure out what works best for you. It is hard work but worth it. When what you are doing is not working, change, although not easy, is worth it in the long run.

Hope your day gets better!

Gem

Linda,
I am so proud of you. You amaze me with your strength and determination. I know how hard it can be, which is why I am in such awe of the fight you are putting up against this illness and how you are still being an active mum for your girls. I hope you give yourself credit for the fantastic way you are managing this horrible illness.
Much love,
LW

were here for you mate. jamie. keep strong.

Linda, I'm glad that the desperation has lifted for a little bit. Those times that hope comes like little rays of sunshine are so welcomed... My ex-bf visited me in hospital last night and asked if I need anything - chocolate was on my must-have list too. I think psychiatry has so much more to do in way of treating mood disorders. Granted I'm in a bit of a funk and have a medical model axe to grind atm, but so many of us bipolars do work so hard at getting well, I think it is reasonable to want effective treatment to be provided to help take the edge off our suffering. We've accepted we've got a battle on our hands, we've accepted we have to work hard each and every day. I don't think it is wrong to put our hand up and have medical help to manage our biological illness. Sorry I'm on a warpath atm... I'll start behaving soon. Hope you are feeling better today. x

I can't remember the drug you were on b4 the Saphris. Was it Seroquel? Apparently it has a good anti anxiety and sedative effect for many people. If it was seroquel that you were on did you get to tincy doses? If it is too sedating maybe see if it comes in non-XR ie. non sustained release so you get the "hit" of it at night. Despite Tommy having a terrible time on Efexor XR, I find that 75mg helps me amazingly with balancing anxiety and depression. Also, sometimes dinosaur meds like Prothiaden can be an option your pdoc may consider if the newer meds aren't cutting it. The journey we have to juggle our meds we could give any proficient circus clown a run for their money :).

HANG IN THERE LINDA. YEP, THANK GOODNESS FOR LITHIUM!!!!! KEEP STRONG. HERE FOR YOU. I AM A MESS AT THE MOMENT. SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED MUCH. JAMIE

I hope you are doing better too Jamie! I am still having anxiety and just not feeling myself, but I'm giving the lamotrigine a few more days along with my xanax. This is just so frustrating I want to scream, but instead i ate some cookies as I watch my girls swimming out back. I better get on the scale because I feel like I'm packing on a few pounds and I definately don't need to be doing that. Just so wanting to feel "normal" for a stretch of time. At least the "heart attack" I felt I was having earlier is gone and I do feel better. Just hate always sounding like a downer. Thanks for letting me vent again. I truly can hardly wait until my symptoms go away and I can be more help to others!!!!!

LW, you are so kind and I do keep fighting, but going to let a little steam off here. Just having the worst day AGAIN!! I am sure it has to do with going off the Saphris and going back on the Lamictal, but I have been fighting this for over 4 months now and I am so tired of struggling. Ok, feels much better to get that off my chest. I just talked to my pDoc here at home and she is going to think about some alternatives for me when we meet next Tuesday. Who knows, maybe I'll be feeling good by then. I sure hope so. It is not only in my head, but my body feels prickly and my stomach feels bloated and all I want to do is eat chocolate. Would do it, but I have gained 5 pounds over the last 2 months. I do need to fit into my clothes. Alright, I am done. Time to put my little ones to bed and tomorrow will be a new day. I really do HATE this illness. IT SUCKS!!!