Hypomanic end of day embarrassment

I hate, Hate, HATE it when I am am aware that I am in a mild hypomanic, and have put the usual bumpers on my life, but I STILL manage to humiliate myself with what I do or say.

I think I have a great idea, or give a gift on a whim, and I find on review (or by others reactions) that I was beyond what was socially acceptable. That instead of being good, or pleasing others, I just made everyone involved markedly uncomfortable. It wasn't awful, just little things here or there.

It is my habit to review each day as I get ready for bed. I'm embarrassed enough over the little things I said and did today that I wish I could quit the church and become a hermit. I'm just not fit to be seen in public. But my kids have to get there, so I cant just not ever return.

I am aware that I am in a hypomanic state . I am especially proud that as I felt it building I made myself sleep and sit in quiet dark rooms and was able to keep from continuing to build. I thought I had driven it away, and I was relieved that I didn't drop into the corresponding depression that usually comes. I should have realized that it was because the hypomanic wasn't over yet. I just felt good, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I should have been more careful.

Its just that the filter on my mouth is lost. And I don't think through handing $60 to a friend when I know she could use it. And I kept vocalizing and raising my hand in the sermon today, when no one else was. That is NOT normal for me. I found out my friends are moving 17 hours away today, and I am nothing but excited for them. Everyone else is crying.

I hate it when I kick myself in the foot like this. I have a card enough time keeping friendships beyond a surface level. I have a couple that didn't run screaming when I developed chronic pain. I wish I could resist alienating them when I get like this.

Hope that as the day goes on Christina, you will be feeling better.

I was around when you were still angry about your marriage. Possibly still in the final paperwork. You sound a lot better, more content. Good for you.
Back then I thought depression was going to kill me. We both survived.

  Yes i kinda feel like this. THe best decision i ever did was marrying her. THe second best was walking away. Funny thing is that i still see her every day, but we are now more friends now then anything else.  But taking away all the stress of the marriage has been a god send for me.

  I still have finincial issues i am working on, but not having her constantly working against me is a huge relief. 

  My depression is there also, very very low key so i fight it with excersise and thinking good things.

  My hypomanias are under pretty good control. I have gone down to about two pills a week and that feels like a good amount for me.

   But being alone has done alot to relieve me of alot of my problems.

  BIll