Be kind to yourself

Did you have a good Christmas?

My Christmas, thank you for asking.

Umm, I had been doing some family history items for people and finished and mailed them by Christmas. I told some people, I have family history, what I don't have is a family.

But that can be a good thing, if you have a bad family. If you ever reach a point where you don't have to take any more gruff from your growing up family, that I felt like I had to take living in the same house; and then you reach a point where you can say, "I don't have to take this anymore."

As I say, it can be a good thing. It can be a growing up thing. "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

The rough situation is, if you're like tied to someone who is bad for you, like a toxic personality, like financially tied, emotionally, or in some other way, and you feel you can't get away.

So my having a family history but no family is not really a bad situation. They came after me every time we got together. I finally figured out the pattern.

I mean, I blame myself for not figuring it out sooner. I pat myself on the back for figuring it out at all.

How about yourself? Do you still have ties with your growing up family?

You say, "Today he is very delusional and manic. We stayed by ourselves at Xmas. He started a,family drama and we could not attend🤣"

That kinda reminds me of the social situation my not deceased wife and I had. Neither of us were good socially, and it was kinda rough. Plus our marriage was bad. Now that the marriage is gone, I just do some projects every now and then, but I don't need or want a lot of social activity.

I get that when I walk around the street with my dog and we meet a neighbor, and perhaps have a nice talk. I know at different ages we may want that, but at my age, I don't need it.

I have a person who helps me who has children and I enjoy talking to them, and doing projects for them, and people do enrich your life, and I like that when it's happening, but you don't always get the friendships that you may want.

So, I'm sorry to hear that "Today he is very delusional and manic." How is he showing that?

You said, "We stayed by ourselves at Xmas. He started a,family drama and we could not attend🤣"

Was it upsetting that you stayed by yourselves? Would you rather have gone to the family gathering?

In your previous post you said, "Be kind to others and to yourself. We only live once. Treat others well. Be kind."

That very much reminds me of one of my favorite sayings, which is, "I shall pass through this world but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

How do you show kindness to others? How do you show it to yourself?

I try not to judge others. When someone is in an unstable and abusive relationship you have to make time for yourself. I'm going to make a pledge to get out w friends more, meet new people.

I made it through the Jan. 1 festivities.

You said, "I try not to judge others. When someone is in an unstable and abusive relationship you have to make time for yourself. I'm going to make a pledge to get out w friends more, meet new people."

I was in such a relationship, and I wanted to get out more, also. I had been to an Al-Anon meetings for spouses and friends of alcoholics, and it was nice.

So I started making myself go to those, and it was helpful. You can learn from some of those meetings and its companionship.

Oh, whoa! Al-Anon, for friends and spouses of alcoholics. That could be right up your ally.

Have you ever heard of that? Have you ever considered going to such a meeting, or meetings?

They're listed in your phone book, and in the computer Yellow Pages or YP, and they have phone numbers, e-mail address, addresses, times of meetings, etc. They're free.

What do you think about that?

I'll go to a meeting this week. He is out doing coke again. He's already hyper and manic as it is. At leasy pot slows,him down. What a,mess

Well he cheats on me too. Today he said "I love you" in the am. After work he got home and was in a manic rage over nothing, accusing me of everything. Sounds like your wife was the one needing meds. These are the people we call "toxic" in society. Now he's going out to his friends to smoke pot!

Tonight my partner came home and said he is starting antidepressants. He's actually been seeing his doctor but not telling me. I saw him take the pill. I'm hopeful😊

I think that is good news, also.

However, you said, "Tonight my partner came home and said he is starting antidepressants."

If he is bipolar, and he taking only an anti-depressant, that could throw him into mania.

What he needs, also, is, a mood stabilizer like I'm taking, Lithium, which tends to calm down the mania. By taking only an anti-depressant, and he is bipolar, treats only 1/2 of the illness, and can propel him into mania, which is not being treated.

So, he's still an unmedicated manic.

It begs the question, is he going to his doctor in a depressed state?

If so, many doctors will not ask, "Do you ever have racing thoughts?" Trying to see if he might be bipolar, and if so, to also give him a mood stabilizer like Lithium, which is what I take, in addition to an anti-depressive, or, Mirtazapine.

Is the doctor a psychiatrist? Also, does your friend realize he is bipolar? If so, he would be more likely to know that he needs a mood stabilizer for the mania.

And with all the medicines, I think he would absolutely have to stay off the street drugs.

I think you have a right to be hopeful.

I really need to go to Alanon. Don't know what he tells his new doctor. Lies I'm sure. When the docs don't agree w him, he gets another

Yes. It's for the supporters of drug and alcohol users. Though he doesn't drink now, he was an alcoholic years ago. He does use drugs

He actually apologized for an outburst he had. Doesnt seem to be in such a hurry. Let's see if this more patient side of him sticks around for a bit. The mania is not as prevalent. He commutes a distance and the work is long and the work tough, remodeling a home. Is he just tired or are the meds working??.

Glad he is better with you.

Sorry to hear about his job. You said his boss said he was too aggressive.

Is he just on an anti-depressant? If so, it could be throwing him into mania, with aggression probably being a sign of that.

A stabilizer like Lithium, which is what I take, will tend to calm him down.

Can you find out if he is taking a stabilizer?

I lost a lot of jobs as a bipolar, also. What does he plan to do?

Have you seen about Al-Anon meetings?