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Posted 6/22/2011 8:24 AM (GMT -5)
confused   I haven't been on this board for over two years, but I am looking for some feedback/support on my situation. I was diagnosed as bipolar in September of 2008. I had racing thoughts, impulsive sexual behaviors, impulsive spending, and mood swings to depression. My marriage was in great jeoprody, as I had been seeking an affair online (but never followed through). Thanks to marriage counseling, personal therapy, and Lamictal, I was back to  living a very normal life.

I am trying to start a new career in financial services. My success is dependent on support from my friends and family. NONE of them will meet with me. I feel like a black sheep, like I did something wrong, like they do not love me for some reason.

Over the last two months, I have begun to struggle. Mainly with depression. My med level has gone up from 100 mg a day to 300 mg a day over the last year, but increased 100 mg in the last six months. At the moment I am not sure it is the right dosage. I am feeling worthless and unmotivated. I don't feel as though I love my wife or children at certain points in time. I also want to be alone. I ********* daily - at work - which is wrong but I can't seem to help myself. I am back to my addiction with internet ****. 

I am meeting with the pdoc again in two weeks. I am afraid of adding another medication. I am scared that I may have been misdiagnosed, yet I also am aware that I have recently impulsively "snapped" at some people who did not deserve it. I am sure someone here has been in my shoes and can relate. I need help now. Please send me your thoughts!

Posted 6/22/2011 3:55 PM (GMT 0)
First of all, welcome back.  Sounds like you are in a bad place right now, seeing your Dr. is a wise thing.  Financial services, are you trying to sale something to your family and friends and they are not going along?  Money and relationships are a tricky thing at best.  Maybe it is better if they are not involved incase things do not go as planned.  If things are not working in your life, you have to be the one to change it.  Do you take good care of yourself physically?  Is your diet good? Do you get enough physical activity?  I think when we become disillusioned with everyone around us, we are just projecting how we feel about ourselves.  Work on yourself, on being healthy, making the right choices and taking good care.  when you are in a good place with yourself, the relationship issues with other people seem to magically resolve.

Hope your day gets better, it is what you make it turn

Gem

Posted 6/22/2011 12:48 PM (GMT -5)
Welcome back. Stress - like THINKING about change - can cause symptoms even if they had previously well controlled.

I was first maintaining well at 100 mg Lamictal. Then something happened. And meds adjusted. This has repeated over coming up close to 2 years. I'm on quite a cocktail of meds. I can work a LITTLE bit. I have to be careful to avoid things that trigger symptoms. I have to have a huge support system/network. And I see my pdoc often. At least the changes now are fairly minor.
Posted 6/22/2011 5:38 PM (GMT -5)
Welcome back! I am so glad you are meeting with your pDoc again because you may be needing to adjust your meds. Feeling depressed, pulling away from family and spending too much time on the computer are all signs that your illness is getting out of control. Like Gem, I hope your new job is not dependent on your family "buying in" with dollars. Can you talk to your wife about how you are feeling and can she be a support to you? You definately are NOT worthless, but BP can make you feel so (I'm fighting with that myself right now). It is a bummer, but once you get your meds adjusted correctly you will be back to your old self. Just give yourself some TLC and take care of yourself!
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