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Depression or CFS?

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Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
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Posted 5/10/2017 3:18 AM (GMT -5)
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18. I'm 49 now. However, all my life i've had episodes of fatigue but I'm not sure if it's real fatigue. I feel weak but I am still able to do things. It's like I have this feeling it's in my blood and everywhere my blood goes I feel weak. Lately, its been worse than it ever has. I have begun having suicidal thoughts and have gone to the psych hospital a couple weeks ago. They increased my anti depressants and I felt good for a while but then I felt worse than ever. Normally, I can push through things but lately it's been very difficult. Even laying down feels bad.

My boyfriend passed away in January so I have had a hard time this year. A week after he passed I had back surgery. Financially, things are difficult right now. I have a leak under the house that has made my hot water go out. So, I do have stuff going on. My doctors tell me I have depression but sometimes I think it's physical before it becomes mental. I feel the fatigue and it's overwhelming so I want to give up. I have found out though that if I cry I tend to feel better afterwards.. so maybe it is depression???
Posted 5/12/2017 2:30 AM (GMT -5)
Hi KCrispCat, my heart goes out to you. I totally understand what you are going through believe me. I have dealt with depression since I was 11, I am 65 now & have been ill with ME/CFS for about 10 years. My husband of 26 years died suddenly in late 2009. The fatigue I felt & the depression was all encompassing & I thought I wouldn't make it. Like you, I had my anti depressant increased & it helped some but not with the mourning. Have you thought about going to grief share, I have heard they are very helpful groups? I hope you are doing some counselling. I knew eventually the mourning would ease but it was hard until it did. You will get through this, you are strong, look at everything you have been through & you are still looking for answers.

As far as CFS goes, this is an illness that is dx'd by eliminating everything else that it possibly could be, so lots of blood tests & other tests. It took me a couple of years to get my dx, so don't expect a quick answer. Find a dr who knows about ME/CFS, ask when you make the appointment if you have to. I found it very frustrating to go in to see a new Dr & find out they thought it was all in my head because that is what they thought CFS was, all in my head. grrrr! Do you have CFS? I don't know but it is something you need to look into, along with other things as well. Take care of yourself & remember that you are in mourning & will be for a while longer. I stayed in bed a lot, I cried a lot & I prayed a lot. All I can say is that you will come through the mourning, be strong. Many soft & gentle hugs, Denise
Posted 5/12/2017 5:47 AM (GMT -5)
Thank you Denise. I don't know what ME is? I am in a partial hospitalization program right now. I go to the hospital (psych) from 9:15 to 3:15 monday though Friday. Sundays there is a grief group I can go to, Ive been a few times and I will go again. Probably not this Sunday because it's mothers day.. which is another tough one. My mother neglected me and never showed any love.. it still hurts. I'm actually going to spend the day with my ex's mom. So.. hopefully it will go well.
Posted 5/12/2017 1:13 PM (GMT -5)
Chris, I have been reading your threads & just want to add that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Your year started out in a horrible way when you lost your boyfriend. Then you had surgery on top of trying to deal with that. You are not just suffering from mental pain but actual physical pain too, one compounding the other. When I was battling depression the fatigue was at an all time high for me. Fatigue seems to be a huge issue for many of us.

Stay with your out patient program, that is a good sign that you still have a lot of fight in you. Take things a day at a time, even by the moment if you need to. Above all, please be kind to yourself.

What type of back surgery did you have & how are you recuperating from that? I hope that you are having a good outcome with that.

Take care.
Posted 5/12/2017 9:51 PM (GMT -5)
Chris, ME is Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is another name for CFS. It is called one or the other in different countries of the world. Here in the US it is called ME/CFS. Of course there are some who feel they are each a different illness but I have been dx'd with both so I see no difference.

I am happy you are seeking the help that you need. I think we need to take one step, one day at a time & not get ahead of ourselves in our recovery. It takes as long as it takes so please be patient & just spend the time taking care of yourself to make it through this time. Don't get frustrated when you have a bad day, just know this is mourning along with depression. Sounds like you have a lot of pain along with it so focus on you, my daughter has many illnesses, one of them is Rheumatoid Arthritis which causes her a lot of pain. On her pain days she rests as much as she needs & take the meds she needs & I take care of my grandchildren, 18 & 14. We have found that not stressing but just doing what we need to do gets us through faster. I used to say how I shouldn't do this or that because I was caught up in the old way of thinking, you know, up at a certain time, sleep at night, get dressed during the day but now I am guilt free & shame free of living that life, I have to do it my way. Anyway, I hope your daily hospital visits help you a lot & you will be happy soon. Focus, focus, focus on you. Many gentle hugs, Denise
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