sorry,one more time

I was reading other posts today. I don't remember who said it, but it was how they feel like they are closer to the friends here than other friends or family. I feel the same way. It makes me almost feel better to know that I have you all somewhere out there-that you understand and care and share your thoughts and opinions. It seems like a safe place  to vent where I won't be judged or thought bad of. And I am in that place again. Please forgive me for posting so much. I don't mean to burden anyone with my problems,but it has been an unusably bad day. And there is a reason for it...

I posted a while back about my husband. Some may remember and there are others that will not. I will try to touch on that first. My husband had a problem helping himself to my percocet. I haven't had that to be a problem of late. What I didn't mention before is that he also has a problem helping himself to my sons' ADHD medication. This has all started since October. He doesn't have pain and he is not ADHD. He has a drug problem. We have been round and round with this since it started. We have almost seperated many times because of it. I never have been the kind of person to argue or fight. I will almost always walk away before I will do it. Well,not anymore. I am absolutely fed up. I do love him. I am not in love with this man anymore. And you know what? It is his fault. I also didn't mention that he has a problem supporting his wife and children. He is not ambitious. He will work for awhile and then just stop. If it had not been for my parents we would have nothing. They have helped me financially far beyond what they should have. I am a grown 39 year old woman. I am not their problem anymore. I did better financially when it was just my son and me and even made less money. I never have enough money anymore. And that is because he is not doing what he is supposed to be doing.

Well, I worked everyday is a busy pediatric office as a nurse. I missed very little work because of my herniated disc and sciatica pain. I didn't have a choice. I had to work. He would watch me leave everyday knowing how bad I hurt. Did that get him up off his...and get to work himself? No it did not. He has started working again. But he didn't work last week because of my surgery.So there was no pay check again. I knew I needed this surgery(laminectomy). I didn't want to. I knew I had too. And ofcourse he promised how different things would be and how he would take care of me and the kids. I knew beforehand how he was going into this. However, I thought to myself that I would have the surgery and let him worry about things for a change. He owed me that much. And it things didn't change then he could leave once and for all and me and the kids would get on with our lives.

Okay, my mom is here with me now. She came back yesterday. She was at my sisters' house because our AC wasn't doing well. She is not in good health. She has COPD,arthritis and just plain isn't doing well herself. But I am her daughter and we are very close. She agreed to HELP take care of ME not the kids or him. Evidently he has taken my son's ADHD meds again and was up for 2 nights without sleep. When I woke him up this morning to get the kids going, he almost didn't get up. I got out of bed,made coffee,woke my son up and fixed them fruit bowls for breakfast on the way. Anyway, my mom took care of me today. He didn't work,said the job cancelled for today. He did get my meds from the pharmacy,came home,ate and went to sleep. I stayed up. I woke him up to go get the kids. He did go get them. And guess what he did when he came home?back to bed to sleep.  I tried to wake him up. I hurt bad today. I needed his help. He was suposed to cook and get the kids situated. Well, he didn't. My mom and I cooked a quick dinner(salsberry steak and instant potatoes). I tried to wake him again to give my daughter a bath. He didn't. I coulldn't or my mom,so my daughter didn't get a bath today. I did get her to change her clothes and I wiped her off,she brushed her teeth and to bed. Well she is still awake(hard child to get to bed),my mom is exhausted and I hurt so bad I want to cry. I need to go to bed myself. I am so embarassed. My mom is here. She sees what is going on and she is furious at him!! And ofcourse,I am too. I am in a bad spot. My mom doesn't drive. There is no one to do and drive the children,but him. He has unfortunatly done this before. I call it crash and burn. Once he sleeps,he'll be fine in the morning and just say he was tired. It has only been 5 days since my surgery. I am not suposed to be doing all of this. I don't feel like it.  I don't know what I will do. My mom has my meds and my sons' meds. I am not worried about this happening again. But what do I do? As much as I don't want to, I am about to send my wonderful,loving mom back to my sisters' house, until her husband can come to get her. I don't want to do that. I love her being here. But on the other hand it may be what it takes to kick him in the...and make him take responsibility for me and the children.

And for toppers...he made my account overdrawn at the bank.It is in my name. He is not on the account. He knew we didn't have the money in the bank. My check will be direct deposited on Thurs. and midnight. But by that time the fees are paid,there once again won't be enough...I don't need this right now. I need to have a peaceful recovery. I feel anything but peaceful right now...

Anice

Anice

I feel so very very very bad for you. I was worried about you, yes  I do feel closer to all of you here than any of my family and friends, because you all here have become my family and friends! There are a few of us that really feel this way! With that said anice, I am concerned for you, I wish your mother could stay with you a while longer, you really need the help so you can heal, and that takes time. You can't! You just can'tdo it all  yourself! It will cause you damage, and then where will you be!

 I feel uncomfortable  saying what I really think about your husband, it really isn't my place I guess, and under the circumstance with what I am going through,..... well.....all I can say is, I care about "my family" here at this forum, and that includes you! So please don't let him ruin you credit or make things worse for you anice! What ever you need  to do, to take care of yourself and your kids, do it!  I will also say this, your husband should never, ever be taking your or your childrens medications! There is no excuse for that type of behavior! My God he is your husband he should be taking care of you and his children not stealing your or their meds to get high!  I can't begin to tell you how I feel about that!  That is just not right! I am sorry I am not venting toward you anice, maybe consider it for you!  But just the idea of that upsets me so much! I actually worry for you and your children!

anice don't ever feel bad about posting your feelings and or frustrations! we will listen and support you, after all you are "family" I do wish I could be of more help to you!

I wish you all the best!

White Beard

PALady

You said;("It's late and I don't have much energy ") are you sick? or not felling well? I haven't seen you post much today. Are you alright? Now I will worry about you too!

I hope your well!

White Beard

I had the misfortune of having a cheating wife. I discovered her adultery in May of 2007. It took me well over a year to get over the blow. I tried to work things out at first, for the benefit of my daughter. I felt that I had failed somehow if she had to grow up in a broken home. The cheater continued in her evil ways, and got even worse. I blamed myself to some degree.

Now I look back and see I was wrong. That liar I was married to was the problem, not me.

Best advice I can say is that I believe "once a liar, thief, and cheater - always a liar, thief, and cheater". You have to decide if you can live with that kind of narcissistic demon. Don't count on him changing.

WOW!!!((((((((((((((((((((((((anice))))))))))))))))))))))))))))...you deserve so much better. I am just wondering (the cause of sleepiness), is there anything else missing(you've gotten new stuff and for some people the temptation might be high)?

I cannot add more than what has already been said. I understand about how close you can be to people here...vent and scream away...it is quite therapeutic...

Also, you may want to make an inquiry to your doc about home health nurse to help out. Oh, and I almost forgot, where you had your surgery, you can even call later, there are social workers associated with the hospital that will help provide care and services because they don't want a situation like the one you described to happen. They want your outcome to be successful. We all do...

Anice,
I remember the post about your husband stealing meds before. I'm sorry to read that he's done it yet again, and just 5 days into your recovery period. He needs treatment, but he will only get that when he hits a bottom that takes away his ability to come home and steal your meds or your childs. And prevents him from getting the money from your account to pay for his habit. You can bet that during the times that he is not taking your meds or your sons, he is getting those drugs somewhere and that somewhere is where your money went.
Right now, you are in no position to "help" him find a bottom other than to have him leave your home. He is not safe, not to be around you, nor to be driving your children. I hate to say this, but I doubt that he is not high when he is driving your children around as well as getting high at home. Sooner or later, an addict can not control when he "needs" his high, and it becomes an around the clock getting high becomes more important than anything else, including the safety of your children. I hope , with all my heart that he truly has not driven with your children in the car while he is/has been/or remotely within any time frame taken any drug.
You just had a fusion and it needs time to heal. You aren't supposed to be doing any bending, lifting or twisting......all of which I'm sure that you have had to do to some extent with taking care of yourself and your children while he is sleeping....please be extra careful. Until that bone grows, you can really hurt yourself now.....so you need to be careful. If you talk to your surgeon, he may be able to write you a prescription for a visiting nurse, or an aide who can come and help take care of you when your mom can't be there. Even if it's just for two hours a day, she can help prepare meals that can be frozen and heated in the microwave...or on the stove or oven. Do you belong to a church? Maybe some of the ladies and gents there would be willing to do the same?
As for what to do with him? I honestly don't know what the answer is......maybe when you are healing better and doing better being on your feet, having some type of intervention for him, that says, either you get treatment and stay clean and sober and employed, or you leave permanently is something for you to consider while you heal now? I don't know how feasible his getting treatment is, but it is essential for you and your children.....especially for your children.
Sandi

Anice,

I remember you...How is your husband doing?  I hope that things are better. I feel like it's easier to talk to people here then to talk to my friends and family...Only because family sometimes feel like they should "fix" you...then they end up "not listening" when that's all I want in the first place.  I know I can't be "fixed", but I would like to vent... Also, everyone here has been through some degree of what I have been through, so they have great advice and experiences to throw out there.

These People here are my friends...I may not know you personally, but it doesn't matter, you are my friends...So, thanks friends...

Me.

Anice,

I wish I had words of advice for you. I don't.

All I can say is that I think I understand your problem and I would dearly love to
say just the right thing to make it all work out for you.

For now, all I can say is I hear you. Deep down you will probably come to your
conclusion of what to do. Right now that time hasn't arrived.

Keep us informed. Post as much as you want. You may find answers here even!

Your New Friend,
Pamela Neckpain