looking for suggestions.

Morgan, first off CPS does investigate calls made thats their job. They are trained to look for abuse and or neglect. I would suggest day care for a few weeks when you have surgery until you are up on your feet pretty good.

If your dr recommends you to have home health care afterwards and he could get this arranged & approved with your insurance. They can have a home health nurse to come in and check on you.They offer a variety of services. They will not clean your home or cook meals, nothing like that. Its personal care for you. A lot of folks do not have help when they come home from having surgery, thats just life. It is not written in stone that you need help but yes its nice if there was someone. The main thing is to get your child in day care for a few weeks then the husband can pick her up on his way home from work.

With this MIL problem does your husband ever speak up on your behalf & tell her to just lighten up. If not, someone needs to kick him in the seat of his pants & tell him to step up to the plate. Has he found a job yet that is better than the on call job? You all need to get away from the MIL. I am sorry but that would be my number one goal is getting out of her house.

Is the job market better where you are at now or where your family lives? Getting at, if the job market is better where your family is, then when the money from the military shows up, I would be moving out of there & back where family is at that could help you. If I remember right you work. Are you using private insurance now or still military?

Just some random thoughts.....Susie

CPS does investigate calls. But, they are also trained. Someone calling because a parent doesn't/can't play with their child is not going to get cps on your door step. On the other hand the thing about you not watching her might. On the other hand, if it is your mil's intention to just call in a complaint because she wants to make things hard on you, that may backfire on her.

There is a thing called vendor care. That is where the state pays for day care for children that are in certain situations like extremely low income parents who have to work. There is also apart of it that pays for day care if the child is "in need" and the services could protect the child from being in a bad situation. For example, if you lived alone and were extremely low income cps "might" arrange for the child to be in daycare for a certain time frame after the surgery. But, with you living with your mil, she is there to care for the child.

Post Edited (Mercy&Grace) : 8/27/2013 7:52:30 PM (GMT-6)

I don't go to church. Just moved here 5 months ago and still don't have friends. My husband leaves me at home when he goes out because he thinks I don't have fun when I am not drinking. Since I rarely drink I don't get invited out. No friends what so ever. My mother says if I wanted her help I should have stayed in the NW and this is my problem. Plus it's my fault I am getting the fusion done because it's an "elective" surgery.

I literally do not have anyone here and no way to make new easily. I don't proscribe to main stream religion as I see so much more hate then love preached at the pulpit. I went to a Catholic school, dad was Lutheran, mom was Unitarian (baptized Catholic and Lutheran), aunt is Jewish, uncle is agnostic, sister is atheist. Religion is more of a bag of skittles in my family than actual religious views. Also my husband is Mormon so like I said skittles (taste the rainbow).

I have a artists pumpkin carving coming up for Louisville jack o lantern festival where I am one of the artists and I am holding out hope that I will meet people whom are like me and we mesh. I have difficulties getting along with people and making friends. I have since day one.

I don't have the money to put my daughter in day care since we are still waiting on the army to pay us Back we're sinking further into debt. The collections are calling now for stuff the army should have paid and didn't so our credit is screwed (more stress). I am like I said at a loss

I don't mean to come across as a negative nelly victim oh woe is me everything happens to me. I am trying to see the bright side but I just can't find it right now. Surgery is just too stop further damage not to fix/heal me. Even after surgery I see months and months of recovery from surgery then another fight for proper pain management. Even harder this time because I just had surgery and I "must be looking for that high I had" after surgery. Don't they get it, I don't get high I don't even get loopy I barely get pain relief from what they give me.

Mercy,
Thank you for you kind words. I don't know what to do and it's hard to even talk to anyone about my day to day life let alone this storm of downer that's hit yesterday and today.

He is narcissistic. Diagnosed. We are working on it. I thought it was mental abuse as well. We went to a therapist as a last resort I discussed my suspicion with her she took him one on one and agreed with me (I am 3 classes shy if my psychology degree). So now he is seeking treatment/therapy for it. He has become better, not great but better. We are out right now at his invite. He is making it a point to include me in things. He surprised me with it tonight. I was laying there in bed pajamas meat hair, lots of pain and he asks me out. I an so desperate to get away from his mother I agree and doll myself up. We are currently sitting in a cute little karaoke bar. I am in pain but less stress then sitting in his mothers apartment listening to her blame everything on me. My daughter got out my razor cartridges still in the cardboard and she went off on me. Screaming that this is what she is talking about.

I have Tricare insurance. As well as my mother's blue shield. So I am doubled covered. But the cost of in home isn't covered but they will cover the hospital stay... wonderful isn't it. I can't stand hospitals.
We have to wait on surgery but every day causes more problems and my legs go numb more and give out more often. I have already put it off 3 or so months and the change in 3 months is drastic.
If I do inpatient no one but my crazy mil can watch her and frankly I can't stand that. She things giving sprite to a 2 year old on a daily basis is okay but brushing teeth is stupid and thinks I am crazy for pushing it as they "are just baby teeth".

I don't want to push myself to hard hence me looking for suggestions as to what to do. I will call Tricare and see if I can do the inpatient deal. The military loves to cover just enough to get you there and not much more. (My personal experience at least) thanks lexi that's a great idea I hope it pans out.

. I hate the hospital nothing ever goes right for me there and no one visits. My last experience was from birth and no one visited after the birth. A lot of pictures right after my daughter was born and cleaned up but the 3 days I was there I didn't have any family visitors. My parents took my husband out to dinner to celebrate right after and left. One picture of us all together and they disappear. Had one I did not expect for 5 minutes and only because she was getting her check up and heard the nurses talking about me and my lack of visitors including my husband. So I dread the hospital because I haven't had any good experiences. I don't want to be stored of and left for days on end with no company but the brusque nurses. (Another fear of mine even though hubby promises not to)

Mthixton was your previous experience with hospitals, military hospitals? If it was there is a world of difference between military hospitals and most civilian hospitals, and I think you would find civilian hospitals allot more hospitable!

I do hope you can make new friends in your, area, it sure would be of help to you. It will be extremely hard on you to have your surgery, without having friends and family that you can really trust, as a support system for you! I know first hand what it is like to have major surgery, and not have anyone there to help you! Your situation is worrisome at best! I do wish you well!

White Beard

Maybe you could ask the therapist you and your husband are seeing for suggestions. They may also know of services that are available in your area. Even if you no longer see the therapist it wouldn't hurt to call and ask for suggestions. You might also want to ask about Support Groups. They are usually free and there will probably be others there that know what you're going though first hand.

You also might want to check you area for domestic violence resources. Domestic Violence is not just "hitting." The mental and emotional abuse of being married to a narcissistic is still abuse even though you may have no physical signs.

My mil and husband keep my daughter while I work. Ii with nights so it's not a hard job to watch a sleeping baby. I agree completely I need out of this situation. We have an apartment lined up and should be in by the first. I am ready to tell my mil to go pound sand and so many other euphemisms.

Surgery may be a few months out but I still want to plan everything out on what I actually need to do. I know I may not be up for socializing but even if my husband is there for 2 hours a day it's better then me staring at the wall or the clock. I just want to break the monotony of t the hospital and feel okay knowing I am not forgotten (which I felt after giving birth)

I think Mercy and Susie brought up some very good ideas. I guess I have a screw loose because hospitals "generally" don't bother me, and for all of my surgeries, the hospital experience was mostly good. With the back surgery, don't know about others, but for me, I didn't want any visitors! I felt like crap, I needed to sleep a lot. You should only be in there maybe 3 days I'm guessing?


For all of my surgeries, I went to a rehab facility for a few weeks, and if you can do that, I'd strongly recommend it for consideration. They will not only "make you" speed up your recovery (that's a good thing, they had to drag me, but I'm glad they did), and you're around people on a regular basis.


You will probably have a roommate in rehab, you'll be in group PT and OT every single day around 2 hours, you'll be visited by the aids and nurses on a regular basis. You won't be abandoned. I understand I may be the "odd one out" but especially with my back surgery,...I couldn't imagine wanting visitors well into the first week of rehab, at least.


I understand in that my SIL works for a PM and is and always has been "on me" about my treatment for back pain, lecturing me on how in her experience,...blah, blah, blah. My own Mother has the exact same mindset, and although we're "mostly estranged," (although she stays in touch with my family separately, fine, we don't get along well for more than 30 minutes at a go), and although I am an adult, she has never, ever stopped lecturing me on my medications, my treatments,.... Even with some extensive surgeries she still comes off as if I'm over-reacting and just being lazy.


You're not alone Morgan, you really aren't. And it sounds like you do have a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep the focus on that, and keep thinking of the benefits of the surgery. Three months can, potentially, make a big difference, depending on the extent of damage. When I had my surgery, he said in his opinion I caught it about 12 weeks or so before losing bowel and bladder control, so yes, you are right on that count.


Choose your battles. With a new place in sight, throw your MIL into a tizzy by being sickeningly sweet to her. It'll confuse the heck out of her and she won't know what to do. Also, agree with her, and then what? She can't argue,..it's "her logic" after all. It stops them in their tracks.


Sookie

Thank you ask for your suggestions. I hope that at least one of these helps me. I want to actually recover not get surgery then push through the recovery to take care of my family.