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Disgusted with my body

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Posted 1/3/2011 1:37 PM (GMT -5)
Is anyone else disgusted with their body?

Today, my fingers and hands hurt so bad that I am hunting and pecking to type. My joints are so stiff and painful that I hobble around or huddle under my electric blanket. My patch is doing nothing and I am not due for a new one until tomorrow. Top it off with no voice and coughing. I hate getting colds or flus, and I get them all the time.

It makes me disgusted with my body today. I am tired of being sick and sounding like a child. I miss actually getting done the goals I had set for myself for the day. I miss life without 7 doctors and 15 pills a day. I miss feeling like myself.
Posted 1/3/2011 1:58 PM (GMT -5)
   Hey Mom , I'm sorry your having such a rough time of it today , I know that feeling and its so difficult to deal with but your a strong person I beleive . Maybe setting different types of goals for yourself might help , but I really just want you to know your not alone and that when you feel like this and write , there is a family here you are part of that is listening and that cares how you feel . Try to calm yourself please . thinking of you right now . Your friend Mikel 
Posted 1/3/2011 6:56 PM (GMT -5)
I know the feeling. Some days I am tempted to name my body Bennedict (or for Sci-fi fans Baltar) because it seems like it is a betrayer.

For the past few weeks I have been a lot more miserable than usual. All of my joints feel like they are full of sand, it takes nothing at all for me to start really hurting or to wear out. I am hoping it is just because I seem to have a cold I can't shake and not a symptom of some new problem.
Posted 1/3/2011 7:11 PM (GMT -5)
I am too. So aggravated. All this effort to get on the right program, right dose of meds & all and now I'm nearly out of them. My crappy ST insurance doesn't cover pre-existing conditions and I'm struggling to try to find a foundation that will help me out (the methadone turned out to be a dud). For now it seems like a lost cause. And without meds, forget it.

Stupid back. I want a refund! Bodies are supposed to work better than this!! I think some body parts ought to come with a warning label
skull WARNING: using this body may be hazardous to your health skull
Posted 1/4/2011 1:41 PM (GMT -5)
Jim. Haha so funny!
Frances, I feel the same way some days. I look at other women, thinner than I am and able to do so much with their bodies and they abuse them with drugs or alcohol or simply by not taking care of themselves. I just want my old body back. I didnt ask for this and I want a refund~
Mindy
Posted 1/4/2011 1:56 PM (GMT -5)
I think we should have been warned that we had an internal mileage odometer and once we hit that mark our bodies would start to wear out. I can't trade it in for a newer model, I have had so much surgery removing things, I am to the point if they take something out they have to put something back in. I am totally our of spare parts. Whats a gal suppose to do at this point!!!!!
Posted 1/4/2011 2:05 PM (GMT -5)
I feel your pain, Mom. *hug* I bundle up and look like an eskimo in my own home while the rest of my family goes about more comfortably. Thankfully they are supportive, they don't tease me for wearing half-finger gloves so I can type, they ignore my curses when my hand fails me and I drop, yet again, another cup of something warm to drink.

I think we all have days like this. Days where we want a refund, or the classic do-over. Days where we want a break from our pain and hurting. I know I've hit that point where trying to skip a dose of my meds is no longer an option, but I am so tired of the fog I live in ... watching my memory slip through my fingers like grains of sand. Or the complete system crash that happens when I push myself to long and to hard. My family watches it. I'll just suddenly lay down and I'm out for about two hours; my body to tired and sore to go on.

I try not to let the little things get to me much anymore. The day to day stuff. So I didn't get that load of laundry done, it's not like it's going anywhere. Didn't get to the store today? Well, it'll still be there tomorrow. There are days when everything feels like it backs up because of this, so I just reprioritize my list (if I don't make a list I frequently forget what I'm supposed/need to do) and go from there. Yes it makes it feel like a never ending list, but it's actually kinda satisfying every so often to look at my list and shove it aside. "Ta heck with it!" I'll declare, "I aint worryin' bout none of this today!" And sometimes the mental mindlessness of Bingo (played on a computer so I don't have to daub paper) is a fun distraction; watching the little squares light up, or not, and the ocassional jovial yell of "Bingo!". Doesn't happen to often, but it is the upside to living in Nevada.

Silver linings, Mom. Try not to think of what you can't do, but what you can do. Think not of those foolish girls/women who we all wish we could be -- don't I know I wish I was rail thin still and still riding competitively in the horse circuit!! -- but instead think of the things that matter, the things that count. And always remember most importantly ... no matter how far away all of us are, we'r only seperated by the internet.

You're not alone.
Posted 1/4/2011 3:32 PM (GMT -5)
Heck, being rail thin isn't all it's cracked up to be. My doc tells me that if I put on some more weight my nerves would be more insulated & wouldn't feel like they're on fire so much of the time. Lousy thing is that with my stupid little SCS, putting on even 5 pounds causes it to crush the nerve to my leg. Course I put on 5 pounds over the holidays and now I can't pick my leg up again -- and I'm now at the bottom of my healthy weight range.
So it just sucks for everybody. Sucks for the skinny people. Sucks for the not-skinny people. Just sucks. Got a call from my stupid temp agency today asking me to go back to that job that took 2 hours of travel per day for a 5 minute task. I kinda lost it. (oops!) I can't afford to totally throw out my back again. I have no medical care & almost out of medicine. Oh, what a very unhappy day. :(
Posted 1/4/2011 7:13 PM (GMT -5)
i am more disgusted by the medical goons than by my body. i used to be considered quite attractive. now that i am 65 people talk about my hair being nice....oh well....
Posted 1/5/2011 4:30 PM (GMT -5)
Hi Monty's Mom. I'm sorry to hear how much pain you're in. I will send you some healing energy if that's okay with you. I've done this for myself and for my moms pain as well and it has worked great for us. It is a real energy that I can send you and not just wishful thinking. Let me know if you would like to try it, I wouldn't want to send energy without your permission. Then just let me know if it has any effect over the next few days or weeks. And I hope you feel better soon.
Posted 1/5/2011 5:16 PM (GMT -5)
Monty's Mom,
Speaking as a person whose been on both ends of the weight spectrum I was happiest when I was in the middle range.
I look at the skinny mimis and sigh, too. I look at the clothes for people my size and sigh (Drapped Cow comes to mind). I can't lose weight! I have hypothyroidism and it slows my motabulism down terrible. I don't eat that much, but because of my pain I'm limited in how much I exercise.
I've about decided I'll just be happy with what I have, which is warm in the winter and shady in the summer. ;)
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