Enixie, I come from a long family history of Denial as a Major Tool of Medical Care, so for me it took a few years before I felt the emotional slap of this illness. At the time I had an Ulcerative Colitis diagnosis, which seemed horrible to me - increase risk of cancer, pain, probable surgery - and then walking one day with my mom in my old neighborhood she casually pointed out a house where the woman had recently died ... of UC. Thanks Mom!
So later that same year my diagnosis had to be revised - Crohn's seemed a much better fit for what I was experiencing. Taking the cancer risk off the table lifted a huge weight from my shoulders (perhaps that's naive, I don't know what the cancer risks are from CD but I think they're less than UC). Sometimes perspective helps a lot, and knowing that I was not nearly as sick as others who still seemed to be smiling and active made me realize that I was going to be ok.
More recently I've had to curtail a lot of my activities, and that has had me in tears a few times, especially in front of DRs. It is OK to be sad and frustrated by illness; it is a hard thing to not feel well! I totally understand why your DH is unhappy. But here's another thing - sometimes surgery alone can make someone depressed - perhaps this is a medical condition by itself and not related to his CD or his frustration at not feeling well. Suicidal thoughts are absolutely something to tell a DR about - your PCP or the GI.
Your DH can come here and read about how people are living with this disease. There are some tough cookies on this forum. Sometimes the problems are intractable and the writers are sad and mad and really frustrated. Sometimes I find what I read here to be alarming and it makes me worry more. But I also find stories of great strength and perseverance and hope and recovery. And a lot of practical advice, which is really important when you have an illness that confounds even the experts.
You don't write about your husband's particular condition, or what his surgery was, or how his treatment is going right now. Remission sounds beautiful! Is he troubled by a colostomy bag? There's a whole colostomy forum on this website, and I'm sure there are ostomy support groups at the hospital where he was treated.
I look forward to meeting him on this forum and to hearing how he's doing. OH! If your DH's vitamin D3 levels are low, that may be another reason he's feeling depressed. Since most American's don't have enough Vitamin D, and most Crohnies don't absorb vitamins and minerals correctly, most of us take Vitamin D supplements. This is easy to do and very effective in improving mood and energy. Also B12!