Crohns and Dating

Hi All -
So I'm curious how others handle dating and Crohns. I've recently become single and for the last 5 years I've been with the same person that knew my situation and has seen me thru the ups and downs. It's unfortunate that things didn't work out but now it weighs on me the fact that I have to have go thru that explanation of..." Oh by the way" with anyone new.

I'm self conscious about this I think mostly due to the lovely side effects that Crohns provides.

Maybe I'm over thinking it? Do you think that women would find this bit of info a deal breaker or more along the lines of once they got to know me they might be willing to see me for me.

I know that with what I've been thru I've become more empathetic and understanding and would be willing to be with someone that understands me just like i understand them in this similarity.

I'd really like to find someone and I'm ready I just would like others opinions. Maybe from those that are with someone who has crohns and knew so in the beginning and are still together.Ya know a little inspiration.

Thanks.
John

I agree with Sugarmarie. I know quite a few people either with crohns who are happily married or who are married to some with it. It always helps me to hear those stories too and I'm sure there are people on here who have happy partnerships despite the disease. It helps me sometimes to look at it as crohns being a good test as to how good a relationship it is. There are many instances of people getting sick after being together for awhile and having only been through good times together they don't know how to cope. With crohns as long as it's not brought up too soon chances are you will weed out those who are not in it for the good times and bad. Crohns unfortunately puts a name on those bad times but everyone has them even though they may not see them coming. Know who you are besides having crohns and let that be the focus! As a woman, I can say that wouldn't be a deal breaker if the person was the right match. I find all of my friendships have benefitted from me being farely open about what I go through with the disease so there's a happy balance you have to find. Good luck!

This is so cliche but when it is the right person it won't matter. I was diagnosed in college so most of my dating was with my Crohns. I always waited a month or two in to tell someone to see if it was going somewhere first.

One guy I told did leave after he knew. At the time it hurt but I'm so glad now. We have some mutual acquaintances still and turns out this guy grew up to be an ass! So now knowing all I have been through I'm glad he left when he did instead of later when I needed someone the most.

When I met my boyfriend I hadn't told him and about 8 weeks after we met I ended up in the hospital for a horrible flare. He never acted phased by it and now 13 years later he is the reason I have survived and he is still by my side. He has been with me through severe flares, 3 surgeries, and now my ileostomy. I am very blessed to have him in my life.

I always felt like telling someone was a game time decision. Some guys I told sooner than others, just depended on the relationship. Maybe because most of my dating was with Crohns I never felt like it affected my dating too much. And more times than not I am surprised how amazing and accepting most people are.

SugarMarie wrote:
"Good luck and as the saying goes when the right one comes there will be nothing that can keep you apart . Just don't change and don't beg . You are not damaged goods . Everyone has something wrong with them for us it's Crohns. You are still a worthy person."

Thank you for that..

Thanks to the rest of you and CCPG sounds like you found a very special person. Good stuff.

Dating - what the heck is that??? haha

It's makes things tough in some ways to be honest. Especially when CD is active. But not impossible. You just have to not be afraid to say hey, I have this issue, and be upfront. If they want a second date, awesome. There's potential. If not just keep looking.

I am in the exact same position as you, having very recently broken up with my partner of 11 years. He was always wonderful about my illness, cared for me, was never "grossed out" and used to speed to get me to a bathroom in time and used humour to alleviate situations but also knew when to be serious and supportive. I still can't believe that it didn't work out for other reasons than IBD, I'd never considered that! So I'm also very apprehensive about starting dating as I don't honestly think I could find someone who would be able to handle it like he did, however I've just started seeing a guy who I told early on that I had an autoimmune condition (didn't care), told him I was suffering from a "sore belly", and then slowly introduced the concept to him and gauged his reaction (he was fine all the way). I'm now experiencing a full-blown flare only about 3 months in and have asked him to be my stool donor for a fecal transplant to which he gladly agreed. It was mortifying and I didn't want to ask but he needs to know these things about me and be ok with them if I'm ever to have a relationship with him. And if he chooses that no it's not for him then I'm no worse off than not having given it a shot. That's what I tell myself, and also that you found one good person once, there's plenty out there