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Can't realize I can't exert the effort I used to exert before

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Crohn's Disease
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Posted 3/12/2019 4:03 AM (GMT -5)
As you know, I"m a college teacher and have a lot of academic and administrative responsibilities. Since my brother passed away last year, I have gotten new responsibilities like taking care of my nephews and nieces. His loss made my mother devastated and her health condition deteriorated and she needs to be taken of , too.
I'm a passionate person and when I do any of my above mentioned duties, I exert my utmost effort. But in reality, twelve years of active disease left me less energetic than I used to be. However, I can't realize this. I do anything whole-heartedly and then collapse. Since yesterday morning, I had exuricating pain and left work early. Saw a surgeon, who made me feel that the MRI -detected perianal fistula, is not real and saw also my mum's doctor. I slept yesterday at 8.00 p.m and woke up today at 7.00 a.m. However, I was still sick in the morning and called today absent. How can I regain my energy or do I have just to give in to my disease?
Posted 3/12/2019 8:35 AM (GMT -5)
M, you have been on an emotional roller coaster for awhile now. That alone is very hard on a person's mind & body. Myself, I don't let my health define who I really am. I just can't go that path as it would be disastrous me.

I remember when your brother passed, losing a sibling is extremely hard. It's been 3 years since I lost my only brother. I didn't believe it at first, but time does help. I keep my memories focused on the wonderful times we had together. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him.

Has your mom considered grief counseling? It may be something to explore for both of you to maybe do together. Look for places that offer free counseling services. Perhaps there are other family members that can pitch in & help with your mom & the kids. Does your mom have a good friend that could pop in to see her & just chat, or even a phone call. What about the mother of the kids, does she have friends that lend some help with the kids?

Bottom line is, you can't over extended yourself by trying to do it all. Learning to set a doable pace is a must, along with allowing time for you exclusively. No matter how much you want to help, you have to put yourself above everyone. If you don't you will not be of much help to anyone.

I would contact my gi about the abscess since the surgeon was a waste of time.

Take care.
Posted 3/12/2019 6:45 PM (GMT -5)
I agree with the previous poster. Stress can manifest itself into physical, mental and emotional loads that can take a huge toll overall. Couselling for one can certainly help you, but you should consider getting some physical exercise, even if it's a daily walk. Also, nutritionally you might need and overhaul. Start paying attention to what you're eating. Try some energy drinks or meal replacements like Ensure for awhile. I would consider getting some help with all the responsibilities that you've taken on as well.
Posted 3/15/2019 3:15 PM (GMT -5)
Hi minnie.

I am sorry about your brother. It is always especially hard for a parent to lose a child, I think...

Anyway, I don't think your lack of energy is down entirely to the Crohn's. Most people would be knackered by your responsibilities - it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Is there any way of giving some of them up, at least temporarily? It won't do anyone any good - you, your family, your students - if you have a total collapse and can't do anything at all.

Good luck and take care of yourself.
Posted 3/16/2019 6:07 PM (GMT -5)
I agree with everyone, you need to find balance and rest time. The stress kicks me down every time too. Taking care of my mother and dealing with college, graduate school and a lot of other responsibilities I used to have to go full speed until I crashed and ended up in the hospital. Finally slowed down and got on good meds and was better until getting hit with the stress of moving and taking care of my ill mother and other responsibilities- crohns is still fine but my joints are going crazy and I feel wiped out. You must take care of yourself first or you will be good for none of it which sometimes means making compromises to prevent overload.
Posted 3/17/2019 7:09 AM (GMT -5)
Dear all, thank you very much. I really do appreciate it. I'm very blessed to belong to a family like HW. I'm trying my best to cope. I know I'm under a lot of stress and am trying now to think positively of how to enjoy my time. In the weekend, I thought that I want to take my brother's children to the club because I like playing with them and not because it's a burden. I enjoyed it then. But next day, I woke up with pain and fatigue.
The problem is that things do not go on smoothly as we expect. My insurance informed me today that this will be the last month that I'll get Remicade.
Posted 3/17/2019 8:51 AM (GMT -5)
What?! What do they expect you to take instead?
Posted 3/19/2019 8:06 PM (GMT -5)
Lab, I don't think that after both the healing of the fistula and my doctor's decision that I'll stop Remicade that I'll have any issues with them.
Posted 3/21/2019 2:01 PM (GMT -5)
I am not sure if there was ever a study done for those with Crohn's and Colitis, but many who have this disease seem to be more empathetic to others, have a huge caring side, and work extra hard because they don't want the disease to change their life, or effect others. I know this is true for me and for many others with the disease.

That being said, I am still learning this. I talked with my mental health therapist about this exact thing... and I have it written on a notecard: "just because I can do it, doesn't mean I should". I have to remind myself that I have limitations and can't take on everything. I am still learning how to deal with that, because I still take too much on. But I also don't want to let others down. It is an ongoing thing for me. And yes, totally exhausted because of it all.
Posted 3/22/2019 5:17 AM (GMT -5)
Minnie,

One of the hardest things to learn is to say “no” or “I just can’t.” I am deeply sorry for the loss of your brother. I also hear how you feel you have many responsibilities to take care of that aren’t your own. Just remember this, self-care is the most important thing one can do. Yes, you may disappoint some folks, but that isn’t your concern. Yes, you may feel guilty, but try your best to love yourself and grant yourself some grace. This is a difficult road we walk, and we deserve that.

It isn’t easy at all and takes practice, but even guilt can cause undue stress which is prohibitive to healing.

Best of luck to you, and I hope you can find a balance in your life that leaves you feeling more in control and less burdened.

-Juliet
Posted 3/27/2019 6:45 PM (GMT -5)
Jake and Juliet, thank you very much.
Yes that's totally me. I don't want to let anyone down. I'm trying now to change my perspective of things. When I have to take my nephews and nieces on a picnic, I try to tell myself that it's for my own enjoyment before it's for theirs. I need to have some time off. This self-talk makes me overcome the sense of guilt that adds to my stress, and in return, makes me feel exhausted. I try to pamper myself even if it is diguised in the form of responsibility.
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