HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Lost a dear friend

Support Forums
>
Crohn's Disease
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 3/8/2016 9:52 AM (GMT -5)
A couple of days ago, I lost a very dear friend. I have known her for 16 years and I owe her lot. She used to be a previous boss but over the years we developed a very strong friendship. At the beginning, I thought I could cope w the loss esp. that I have just taken my third remicade infusion and was hoping it might start working this time. But as time passes, I miss her more and my Crohn's is acting up. Abdominal pain after a bm is horrible and lasts for a long time. My terminal ileum hurts, too. I can't think of anything to do to calm down the pain. I even can't resume my daily activities.
Posted 3/8/2016 10:33 AM (GMT -5)
I'm so sorry for your loss. That's terribly sad. In my opinion, it's natural to miss her more and the stress of it all is messing with you. Please just try to give it time. In the meantime, I hope that you can find/do something to distract yourself.
Posted 3/8/2016 11:51 AM (GMT -5)
Skyflyerjen, thank you. The problem is that I'm staying home on sabbatical in order to write up my dissertation. Definitely, I can't study. I can't even watch the TV. Though she was in her last stage of cancer and she has fought bravely till the end and I have been prepared for losing her, I'm too devastated.
Posted 3/8/2016 12:16 PM (GMT -5)
Well, then, can the dissertation wait? Your grief is more important. And if you can't concentrate on the dissertation, it might be... not the best stuff you've got.
That is incredibly devastating. It sounds like your friend was a fighter. A true fighter up til the end. And you're right, even though you were prepared, it's not enough, it's not the same to actually feel it when it happens.
Do you enjoy reading? If you do, I suggest delving into a good book, maybe one of your favorites. I know it's hard, but you have to let your mind work for you while you grieve. Maybe try to let your mind drift off or drift into that book. It can be anything... video games, perhaps a hobby, even listening to some good music. Have you let yourself grieve?
When I lost a family member a few years ago I cried and cried and got so depressed I couldn't even think of... living life. I couldn't imagine "getting over it" because that felt cruel. And nobody ever "moves on," they just move forward. Please, just try to give it time. As each day passes, you will grow stronger. Time is your friend here.
Posted 3/8/2016 12:31 PM (GMT -5)
Skyflyerjen, thank you so much. Really appreciate it. When I lost my father almost 21 years go, I was young and was about to start my first year in college and was very much busy with this new life. I'll try to follow your pieces of advice. I'll try too to study as she was my supervisor and would definitely like to finish the work she has helped me out with it.
Posted 3/8/2016 1:20 PM (GMT -5)
It might be too soon for this, but I would recommend that you write your acknowledgement page for your dissertation right now.
The diss is not done and might not get done any time soon, but the process of putting your feelings on paper will help you deal with the loss and acknowledge the role your supervisor played in your professional and personal journey.
My life was a wreck when I wrote my thesis, which nearly destroyed my health. The only thing that was good during that time was the birth of my eldest niece. And so I included that in my acknowledgements page, and it's always the only thing I have people read from that massive book. That page sums up my feelings at the time when I finished that behemoth.
Posted 3/8/2016 2:28 PM (GMT -5)
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Minnie. it's so hard to be dealing with an illness and have something so awful happen at the same time. The pain can seem unbearable. Not only do we miss the person terribly, but it It gets our anxieties and fears going.

I lost someone very close to me last August just in the midst of this flare. He was 38, perfectly healthy, then got sick, and died very quickly in another country. It was so unexpected and a shock to my system. Everyone grieves differently. I still think about him every day, but I still can't bring myself to look at pictures of him.

Yes, I agree with gypsyfp. Sometimes writing down your feelings can release some of the stress and pain. I wrote his mom a really long letter about what her son meant to me and my family. What we are going to miss about him, etc.. It was really difficult to think about writing it, but once I started, it definitely helped.

Do you have a good support system? Someone to cry on their shoulder and talk to? Unfortunately the stress is terrible for our bodies. It will get better with time, but the stages of grief can last awhile. I use Bach's Rescue Remedy spray and it seems to help with my anxiety. It's all natural homeopathic with no side effects. I'm not a huge advocate for pushing more meds, but maybe you could get your dr to call you in a script for Xanax for a few days until things settle down a bit.
We are here for you. Xoxox
Posted 3/8/2016 3:04 PM (GMT -5)
I'm very sorry for your loss, minnie. Not really sure what else to say.
Posted 3/8/2016 4:33 PM (GMT -5)
I am also very sorry. Please be kind to yourself. If there is a therapist or a grief support group you can go to, it might help you process your feelings of loss about your friend but also your ongoing struggle with this miserable illness.
Posted 3/8/2016 6:16 PM (GMT -5)
I too am very sorry for the loss of your friend. Sounds like she was very lucky to have you for a friend.

Maybe you should consider some diagnostics, just to get a look at how things are progressing. Remicade is the state of the art for us, but it some it works overnight, and yet others can take several infusions.

I hope things start to improve very soon.
Posted 3/8/2016 6:52 PM (GMT -5)
So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.  Wish there were words or answers that would make you feel better.   Cry as many healing tears that you need to, to cope with this loss.
Posted 3/10/2016 12:38 PM (GMT -5)
Dear all, thank you so much. Really appreciate it. I'm trying hard to cope though my Crohn's and proctitis are flaring. I even got these nasty cold sores on my lips and they normally appear because of stress. I know it will take me some time to get used to her absence.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply