Dead End

Where do I begin?  I have always had trouble facing my depression; I never wanted to seem weak.  Instead of seeking help for my symptoms, I have always shoved them down.  You know the proverbial explosion process that one undergoes when they keep ignoring their personal issues?  Shortly, I am afraid that will be me.  This may be a long post.

I haven't been employed in seven months.  I graduated from college about a month ago.  Yay, right?  Wrong!  I thought I would graduate and everything would fall into place, but despite my strongest efforts, I have had absolutely no luck on the job front.  My lack of employment makes me feel useless.

about a year ago, I moved back in with my parents because I had gotten pregnant.  I decided to keep my baby, but the father decided to jump ship and continue with his life. Because of my unemployment, my parents have had to provide every expense--gas, food, child care, insurance, phone bill, you name it.  On top of my feeling that I am useless, it seems as if my family has adopted that outlook as well.  They tell me every move to make.  They tell me when to eat, that I need to do this with the baby, do that with the baby.  I feel as if they think I am incapable of taking care of myself and most certainly incapable of taking care of my child.  This issue has gotten to the point that I ask my mom (not sarcastically) to leave the house.  I ask her every opinion, because I am afraid of messing up.  This thought goes through my head daily, "I am an unemployed single parent living with my parents.  I am dependent.  I am a loser." 

I watch the people who used to be my friend go on with their lives.  They are getting married, getting jobs, moving away from our hometown (a place I have always wanted to leave but inevitably get sucked back in to), going to grad school, pursuing their dreams.  I feel like every day is a fight to keep my nose above the water--like there is supposed to be more to my life than this, but I can't get it, and I don't know why.

I used to have talent.  Lately, I seem to have none.  I have no motivation, and I feel my talent, my intelligence, my brain is slowly evaporating.  I want friends, but I'm starting to become socially awkward.  I don't know how to talk to people, and if I am approached by someone I look like an idiot because I am so scared.  I don't want to leave my house (yet I am dying to). What do I do?  Is this just self-pity?  How do you distinguish between pity and depression?

If your child is old enough to take milk from an infant's bottle, you might consider seriously seeing a doctor to find out if you should be
on an antidepressant. You may have some real depression going on that needs to be treated.

I would even tell my mother and father that I felt I needed to see a doctor and take medications to recover your health. I can see that your mother is a problem for you already, and she won't improve in that regard unless she knows that it is bothersome to you and that you need help to recover.

You are fortunate to have parents who are able to take charge of all your expenses and the baby's expenses, but your own health must come first so that you are able to care for the infant as well as possible.
You should be able to enjoy the little one and have a calm and quiet
atmosphere around you. Properly medicated, you should be just fine.

I wish you the best of health and happiness in your journey with your
little one.

It's Genetic

I am glad that you feel you received some help here. That is what we are all about.

Hugs, Karen