Why am I still even here?

Steph,

Your doctor should know if the ads will mix with your anti seizure medications. Just make sure that they know everything that you are taking. I hope that you find what works for you. And I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen

So having a bad day again, started last night when I had a massive rant at my boyfriend. Almost split us apart, but I have no feelings at the moment for anyone. Putting on a happy smile, pretending everything is fine. He wants help for a gaming addiction, so I have been having a go at him about my cigarette addicition and how he hates it, feels guilty about it.

I am fed up of people wanting my help who do nothing in return, that is why I like this forum, people help and you can help others in return.

But anyhow I feel like the days are soon coming to an end. My family constantly ***** behind my back (if that is a word I am not suppose to use please change it), they thought I was not going to get into university and I did. But now I feel I do not exist to them anymore. I will just end up a forgotten memory, or something similar. I am 20 god darn it, why do I have to be like this? Aren't most people my age meant to be happy?

But slowly the end is coming near and I honestly think 23 is it.

So going tomorrow to the doctors, gonna let them know. I missed a dose of epilepsy meds so have to go anyhow. Really nervous but nothing i can do about it.

Will keep all updated.

I chickened out telling the doctors :(

Depression is in check just extremely snappy and the rest. I still have the same thoughts but feel less depressed now i am back at university. Some days are hard and i have had to walk out in a middle of conversations but there is nothing i can do. May see the doctors next week to see if i can get back on anti-depressants but do not want to take more meds right before my exam period.

Steph xx