Can depression stunt your sex life???

Hopefulforlife

New Member

Joined : Nov 2010

Posts : 14

Posted 7/4/2011 12:37 AM (GMT -5)

I am wondering if my depression and my mind are the reasons I have never had enjoyable sex?? I was raped my sophmore year of college by a guy I was dating...after that, I almost didn't care who I had sex with...he was my first too. I didn't become permiscuous, but I did have a one night stand, and made choices I normally wouldn't have in that respect. Ever since, I have never had enjoyable sex. I was raped again after that a few times with my ex...it was a very abusive relationship. So low self-esteem and depression have taken over my life. I am in a great relationship of almost 5 years, two amazing, wonderful boys, but sex is not enjoyable..never has been. I don't even want it anymore...or if I do, I just psych myself out of the mood by knowing it's not going to be enjoyable, that I have to put on a show, ...I don't want to live like this...it's embarrassing...but I am starting to think that my mind and this depression are my greatest enemies...I don't know what to do :-(

getting by

Forum Moderator

Joined : Sep 2007

Posts : 45302

Posted 7/4/2011 5:09 AM (GMT -5)

I agree that some counseling would be a good way to work through all of this. You probably have a lot of subcouscious things going on in your mind while engaging in sex and that is taking the relaxation and pleasure away. I think this is something that is going to take a little time for you to get past. With counseling, you can probably speed up the process. I found that I didn't really enjoy sex until I was in my 30's. Then it was, wow!!! I was a lot more mature and relaxed with it. Though I could achieve orgasm before, it was just a lot easier and more intense when I got to that age. But I also got a tubeligation done and I didn't have that fear of getting pregnant.

I really hope that you seek professional help. There are therapist who deal mainly with what you ahev been through and also my might be suffereing from ptsd from the rape. Be good to yourelf. Try some relaxing baths before sex too and see how that goes. Stike the mood iwth candles and music when you are in your bath. It really helps to relax us. OR meditaion...

Hugs, Karen

Precious Gem

Veteran Member

Joined : Oct 2008

Posts : 1139

Posted 7/4/2011 8:10 AM (GMT -5)

Painful past experiences like rape do not go away overnight, but they can fade over time. Counseling would probably help but if you are depressed and on anti-depressants, that in itself will kill all normal sex drive. When I am feeling low, sex is the last thing on my mind, but it would probably help more than hurt. I am 53 years old and I think women go through different phases in regards to sexuality. I also know that if you are not in good physical shape that has a big impact. Take care of yourself and work on other areas of your life and just give yourself some time. Life certainly does ebb and flow, sometimes we just have to go with it.

Gem

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