A little bit about me.

I have typed and erased this several times.

Most of you do not know me. I visit some of the other forums more than here, but lately, I have been a little down. I am not at the depressed point that I would worry about anything, but my spunk is not there. I am always tired, and just feel like I do not want to do anything. I am seeing people about this, and I am on medications, but it seems that they work, then they don't.

I have had depression most of my life. I think a lot of it is situational though - stress does a number on me. Over the past couple years, I have had things going on (that I don;t want to mention) that have caused so much stress that I (believe) that it has not only caused me to slip back down, but also triggered something autoimmune. Back in Feb 2011, I started feeling dizzy and my head filled with pressure, leaving constant ringing in its place. It has just gone downhill from there. I am really struggling to not let the depression get the best of me, but it is so very hard.

You might notice that in my signature, I mention that I am a lurker. I lurk because I am afraid to post. Bock around the time that ringing started, information that was posted on an internet site that was downloaded and used against me (in court). I lost the chance for full custody because of that. At least that is my belief. It was bad. That whole case was bad.

This is the reason I lurk and that it is VERY hard to put these things down. I am afraid that people will find this and hurt me with it. I probably will never say my name or where I live. I am just private, but at the same time, I want to get involved in a group and make some online friends. It is just very hard for me to post. I used to be so active - adminning groups and web pages... helping people out. Now I feel like I am at the other end. It is hard.

Thank you Trina. :) I have been hanging around here for the past couple weeks and everyone does seem supportive.

I will look into the zinc. I just have to make sure it does not interact with anything else. The ringing has changed over the years. It was just a constant ring (which is still there as a ring and a hiss), but I have lower level ringing that happens and sometimes there is vertigo associated with it. The dr is checking me for inner ear issues. I see him next week (I think). I am sure he will give me a final diagnosis (at least for the ears) at that point.

I am not good at sharing, but I am getting better. I am pretty private too. I don't answer my phone half the time... I don't like to go to my door either. When I am out and about on neutral ground, I am better. Or if I am where nobody knows me. So I understand how that goes.

I also understand why you want to be so careful. To have somebody do what they did to you by using your internet postings, I would feel so violated. And so exposed. I hope that you are getting through that and starting to feel more safe...

We totally understand you and how you feel. Know we all support each other and you are a part of us now!!!

Hugs, Karen...

Hi So,
I cant imagine the strength it required to post again after having been violated as you described. This shows me how strong you really are.
there are many of us who cringe when a car pulls into the driveway or runs the other way from a ringing phone. I think you have made an excellent step with your post. Keep going girl!

:) Thank you. That means a lot (to all of you).

I do have social anxiety anyway. The doorbell, phone, meeting with people (etc) all make me very anxious. The other day, the mailman rang the doorbell several times (once would have sufficed) because he left a package. That set the mood for the rest of the day. Now, just because I am anxious about these things does not mean I won't do them, but I do feel that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Several years ago, I was agoraphobic. It took a lot to get past that, but if I would allow myself, I would easily succumb to it again. I have to fight not to.

It is nice to read that people say I am strong. I don't feel like it, bit I have learned that when you are depressed, there is a veil over you that keeps you from seeing the positive things about yourself. I am sure I will see it again sometime. Right now, I am just trying to get through day by day.

Post Edited (SoSt9) : 12/11/2014 6:16:08 AM (GMT-7)