Just moved into my own apartment by myself... I hate it

For the past year I've lived with my sister and her boyfriend. Long story short, we don't get along at all. I couldn't wait to be done with roommates. Now I have just recently moved into my own apartment. It's only ten minutes away and I HATE IT. I had no idea it was so disgusting with roaches and crapty/outdated/molded/rotting cabinets/shower/kitchen/bathroom. I can't even cook there because of the roaches. Ever since I moved in I've been miserable. All I can think about is my old apartment. And even though it was stressful living there and fighting all the time, it's all I can think about. I literally spent all day yesterday sitting in my new apartment crying. I couldn't stop. And now whenever I think about it, I still can't stop crying. I can't even talk about my new place. I want to move back. I want to break my lease.

I'm normally not even this much of a crybaby either. I just keep worrying that something could happen to me and that no one would find me. It's not like I always have friends over because we're all busy with our own lives. But I can't stand being alone. I didn't think I'd feel as alone in my new apartment as I did with my sister and her BF. But at least they were people and it was family. I'm also on antidepressants - 25mg Elavil. I don't feel like it's helping at all anymore. Ever since starting it I've felt more emotional than I used to be before.

I know I'm stupid. I never should've signed the lease. I never should have moved.

I need help. Someone tell me what to do. Should I just move back? I wouldn't think it would be hard for this place to find a new tenant. I don't think I can stay there for another year.

Do whatever you need to do to feel better. If that's moving back in, then do that. Or if that place is bad, I'm sure there is a way to break the lease and find somewhere else that's better.

Did you look at the apartment before you signed a lease? I'd give the landlord written notice that the apartment is NOT habitable, call the local housing inspector to get it all documented, and move!

Next time, be sure to inspect an apartment before you rent it and sign a lease.

Does your sister know what the conditions are where you moved? Perhaps she'd have no problem letting you come back under the circumstance.

I'm thinking this move was impulsive. Take your time next time and get a good place.

Can you clean the mold? I mean get some bleach and do it yourself? It sounds like there is upkeep, but that could be good for you to keep your mind busy.

I hope you get the roaches out soon and can clean the mold.

Hugs, Karen...

Hi. I think everybody, especially Trina has given you perfect advise. Four years ago, I was in some similar circumstances as you. I had to leave my home, and quickly with my two girls. I needed to stay in the same town to keep my girls in their same school system. I found a condo that I had some concerns with but I took it anyway. On the first day of my lease I quickly discovered that it was filthy and it had a major infestation of fleas. There were also several things damaged and broken. Like Trina said above, I literally took close to 200 pictures and emailed them to my landlord. After several days of no response I called her and let her know that this was not okay. Long story short, she paid for two exterminations and replaced or fixed many of the broken issues. However, I still had to literally scrub down everything in the condo, and that included mold.

It is possible to get thru situations like this. But, you need to find your inner strength somehow and get strong to deal with it. Trust me, I was a basket case and in tears most of the time, but I did it. Hang in there!

Cass