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Depresses... I need someone to listen... Please

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Posted 1/29/2010 10:05 PM (GMT -5)

Hi all,

        I have been feeling pretty down lately. I recently got married and my husbands parents dont like me.  They have heard us argue in the past therefor they state that I am not the right girl for him.  I believe they are also a bit angry at the fact that they have always had an open relationship and I don't approve. Me, my parents raised me old fashioned so I believe that if we are married now then our issues should be between us.  His parents are mad at the fact that they can no longer continue getting in our business.  I have also had other issues with my husband.  There is times where I have felt he has lied to me but he states that he is not lying but that he doesnt think certain things I would consider important are important in his point of view so he doesnt tell me.  Im stuck.  I feel like this situation is starting to control my life and I don't know what to do.  Am I wrong for not allowing his parents to be in our personal life? They make innapropriate comments and think they do nothing wrong.  Can some one please respond and tell me if I am to blame here?  I do not think it is normal to be in a marriage were his parents hate me and do all they can to show it.  Some one please help.... I feel so lonely and need positive people in my life who can guide me in the right direction. Thank you for your time.

Post Edited (resqmeplz) : 1/29/2010 8:26:10 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/29/2010 11:41 PM (GMT -5)
Hi Rzqmeplz,

First of all, welcome to the forum. I think that you will be glad that you came here. Everybody is so understanding and there is no judging going on here. We are all going through similar situations, so we do understand.

I don't think it is unfair of you to want to keep your lives private, after all it is your marriage. I wouldn't want my inlaws to know about our fights either. Does this mean that everytime you two get in a fight, he goes to his parents and tells them about it? That would bother me too. I think your fights are between the two of you and that is where it should remain, unless both parties want to share. Then you lay it all out for all to see. But no, I would not want something like that.

Are you going to any counseling at this point? I would recommend it, maybe even couples counseling if you think it needs be. But a counselor would teach you how to stand up for yourself in these situations and how to deal with lifes situations with your husband. Also how to affirmate your feelings so that you can explain to him how you feel about the whole family knowing what is going on.

I hope that you find some help soon. Let us know how things are going.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/31/2010 2:23 AM (GMT -5)
yes to karen, also to some relationship boundaries. especially if he is going over and telling them. also you need to know his take on things, thus as a couple you can sought things out as one. what may be insignificant to him may be very significant to you and your relationship. with compassion, jamie.
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