Back Again

Hi, Im back again . So much has gone on since my last visit to Heallingwell . But to cut things short my life is so stuffed up not much more can go wrong. Each night I sit and write in my journal as to my thoughts and daily activities as this is the only way I can remember many things.
The last visit to my psychologist she gave me information on ECT therapy for my depression. I was so scared as I had a friend who I had known for years go through it and she was not the same after her treatments. I didn't want it no way . But I had to give them to my husband and the first thing he said was no way are we going to go through it . I was concerned at the thought of memory loss and I have two dear little grandchildren who I never want to forget. But as the weeks passed by I'm at the stage of thinking seriously about having this treatment I don't care if I loose all my memory as the place I'm in atm isn't very nice.
I was under the care of a lovely dr she was removed from our small town as a foreign drs wife wanted to practise here with her husband . I have gone down hill so much as I'm not going to see this dr nor any of the men drs.
Why does life have to be so crappy all the time not a day goes by that I don't think about "if I only " it would be so much better.
Last week my psychologist had a meeting with myself and my husband and I'm so furious that she bought up a topic that I told her in total confidence I just could not get over it and has been on my mind so much.
It's just like the time I told a friend who I had known for a few years one of the events that I had been through. The next day someone else came up to me and told me what I had said to my " friend " that was sixteen years ago and it's only now I talk to the psychologist about my most personal stuff . It wasn't told to her that she could tell my husband . I now have lost faith in her so I will just keep it to myself from now on . She wanted me put in hospital 400km from my home for treatment but as I told my husband I'm not going no matter what she says . Would rather be dead than to go there again .
Snowflake

Hi Snowflake and welcome back!

So sorry you are in a bad place again.

Sucks that the doctor did not hold your confidence, she most likely let it slip by accident unconcsiously. Not that it makes it any better for you.

As for the ECT, I have met many people who have had it done and are glad that they did. Sure they have some memory loss, it is mostly short term loss though. They don't forget family members or grandchildren. They forget names of people they just met or what time it is when just told, things like that. They say the loss of the depression outways the loss of the memory.

I wish you peace in your decision.

Trina