My name is Janet and I was recently diagnosed with major depressive disorder and bipolar. I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at the age of 2 and am now 44 years old and am lucky i have no diabetes complications other than neuropathy in my hands and cataracts in my eyes. I am doing pretty well other than the depression which makes me feel sometimes that I cannot go on living. I get so severely depressed that I don't want to live anymore and contemplate******medication I was prescribed with for the depression.
What stops me is thinking about
this beautiful son I have and he makes me think if i were to ******* I would hurt him for the rest of his life and do not want to do that, no I don't!!!! So i try to keep moving on but it gets extremely difficult because I despise myself so much because of my past mistakes. I have been sober for over 6 years and still am tortured by the awful mistakes I made in my life and how I ruined everything and want forgiveness for the mistakes I made. How can a person go on living with so much hatred they feel for themselves?? It is not easy but am trying. I am currently attending college and have a 3.5 GPA. I am starting a new job after working in a hostile work environment from the last job. Because of my diabetes I get low blood sugar frequently while working and had a severe low blood sugar episode and my manager told me he would not dial 911 if :I passed out because the customers are more important than my health. Another manager announced in front of the entire restaurant that i was the worst sever ever during a busy time and I completely lost concentration and couldn't do my job after what he told me. So i have had a rough time feeling good about
myself and quit eating because of it and with my diabetes it has been hard to regulate my insulin to control my diabetes and blood sugars.
I{ just want to be happy and live my life with my kid and a person who loves me to spend time with me. I recently found someone who really cares about
me and I spend a lot of time with. He has trouble with his diabetes and intimacy. He was diagnosed with diabetes about
4 years ago and cannot be intimate which is a little difficult for me but I really care for him and am giving it a try because he makes me happy when I see him and spend time with him.
Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 8/19/2013 3:11:55 AM (GMT-6)