Depression,Lonely,Annoyed,Lost

Well for the past few months school has been really boring i hate studies , at home also i find everything annoying my parents giving me lectures to study , i have friends but not the kind i earlier used to have now they just talk dirty vulgar stuff which does not interest me although they say i crack very funny dirty jokes but i find myself cheap when i do such stuff.This is my last year for schooling then i have to select my occupation but i still dont know what im gonna do my parents say i should do law and become a lawyer coz they can guide me or pick up any occupation in which i can get a good pay, but i dont want that i wanna take up some different kind of fields like music,literature etc. which they wont agree with i feel so depressed for the past few months i dont feel like talking to anyone but i try to hide this feeling but deep down i feel very lonely and that no one understands me ....i have got friends but they literally suck also not a single female friend i feel like talking to girls but they say im so rude but when i ask my friends they say im not rude .my dad he keeps on giving me lectures and instructions all day and i feel so annoyed i feel like jumping off a building as i cant even tell him t stop although i tried once or twice and he scolded me a lot and was very pissed off at me . music is the only thing i like right now in my life but i dont love it i like my guitar a lot but sometimes i find it boring to play or listen to some music. i feel so sad and depressed these days i just feel like i wanna sleep all day dont wanna wake up ever there is nothing thats good in my life nothing that i love plus let me tell u that i dont even perform well in academics ...this is the first time that im looking for support or help from this website sorry for making this sooo long please help get me out all this problems i just want to be happy again

Hello ......

   I am likely older than your parents - BUT, I did go thru very similar frustrations when I was 18.

   Upon going to college, I had no idea of what I really WANTED to do. My Mother pushed me into "go to work where your father works" OR "you're good in math - go into math"!!!

   I meshed around with Engineering for two semesters and Architecture for one semester - before I dropped out of college. I wanted to go into music - even though I had some - but little background in it.

   I went to work in a factory for a year to save money, and continued taking guitar lessons - then bought a piano .... all while living at home. I never got one word of encouragement from any adult (except for one aunt)! 

   I somewhat stubbornly continued by goi9ng back to college - this time with a major in Music Ed ... thenchanging to Music Theory and Composition. I did pay for those years of college myself by working summers in that factory - and year around with giving guitar lessons.

   The bottom line though is that music is such an incredibly competitive field, it is so tough to make any kind of living with it .... unless it's with teaching. I had to make that realization after spending many years searching and hoping. I did ultimately get a B.A. degree in Music Theory and Comp. - but after college, I made little money with it.

   I did have to find another field to get into. It cost me time and money - BUT, at least I explored my DREAM!

   You do have some decisions to make soon. It would be nice if your parents could be behind your decisions - but they don't have to be in order for you to try.

   As a moral to the above story ..... I am glad that I tried to go after my dream. It didn't work, but the journey was fun. I didn't harm anyone with the journey or decision. And ..... I didn't spend the rest of my life regretting that I hadn't tried it!

   Think about it.

Rob & Gizmo

  

D, sounds like you know what you have to do.

You know your "friends" are not really good for you. These type of people will only get you into trouble. Vulgar language is disrespectful to everyone and you are right to go with your gut on this one.

Everyone at one time or another struggled with school studies this is so normal, I can not tell you! This is your first lesson in life that we all have to do things we do not want to do; in order to do the things that we love.

Think about that for a moment, re=read it and think. It is true.
You do not get anything in this life for free. We have to work for what we want. Your job at the moment is school; if you want a good life. It is as simple as that.

Your are smart, you found this site and posted.
Peace and courage
Trina