the power of human touch. (really need some support right now).

Pets do understand our emotions,it is a gift.

I do meditation prayer for that feeling when my husband is not home. Takes practice.

Wrap yourself up in a soft throw fresh from the dryer, mmmm nice and warm.

Peace
Trina

Trina and CheleL

Thanks so much for the messages. I appreciate the thoughts and kind words. Very much needed those today. Doing a bit better physically (very sick fri and most of today, just barely avoided having emergency surgery for GI stuff). Mentally, i guess better, but still longing for comforting touch. I'm gonna wrap up in my fleece tie-blanket that my friend made me, before I go to bed tonight, hugging myself, and listen to some calming but positive music.

Mom came by today to help me w/ some stuff in my apt. since I have been feeling so bad. Haven't left my place since Thursday. Might not sound like a long time, but sure feels like it. Nice to see her and got a one arm hug. Then called a friend and talked for nearly an hour, that felt good. Then another friend insisted on coming over tonight cuz she knows I'm having a tough time. She's here now, we're just watching tv. I always get a hug from her when she leaves, so that will be nice. I just wish so badly to be held for a long time by a man with strong comforting arms….well, you know that already. Nothing against my female friends, but it would just be a bit awkward if they sat there and held me.

For now, I'll have to settle for the cat, the blanket, my own hugs, and stuffed animals. :)

Thanks again for caring. It really does mean a lot….

Hi Sunny. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) from me too.

Dont be afraid to ask your gf's for hugs! I know it's not a man but it's still human contact & from someone you love. Take it where you can get it!

Always here for you girl!
Lisa

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts and hugs.

Daesin hit the nail on the head--feeling safe and protected. That's what I want. I used to volunteer at an adult daycare. Was wonderful….too sick and things are so unpredictable, haven't been able to go back in over a year now. Someday. Also, in the past, when I've gone thru procedures or whatever and had a nurse rub my arm or hold my hand, it really made a difference. I remember one time, during a particularly "uncomfortable" and long procedure, a nurse sat on a stool right next to my head and kept her hand on my shoulder and talked me thru it. Touch is amazing.

And Lisa, thanks for the hugs. Hugs to you too. Even online hugs feel good. Just is….not sure of the right word….maybe soothing or reassuring…to know people care so much, for someone they have never even met. Really special people here, warms my heart to be surrounded by such amazing people.

Turtle, not sure how you do it…. Being apart from the one you love. I guess if your relationship can handle that, it can handle anything else that life throws at you. Thanks for the healing thoughts. Certainly can use them right now. Sending some right back at you!

It's just after 4:30am here, and sleep is nowhere to be found. I tried wrapping myself in a blanket, hugging myself, and hugging a stuffed reindeer that I have. Even tried all those at one time. Just didn't work too well. A warm blanket and bigger animal would be better (but no dryer to put it in, don't even own a hair dryer I could use, and don't have the heat on at my apt. either.)

My cat certainly does not like hugs. And any sort of touch is HIS call, got to be on his terms--typical cat!

Spent the past hour looking at stores online (places around here mostly, that i could actually go to) for big, soft, cuddly, huggable stuffed animals I can afford. Not coming up with much. I suppose the cheaper stores and cheaper stuffed animals are not a priority for being added to stores' websites! Saw these giant ones at Walgreens a couple weeks ago, maybe they were dogs or bears, on sale for $20. Wishing I would've bought one. Super tempted to go to a 24hr. walgreens right now to look for one, but I probably shouldn't. The closest 24hr. one is kinda far, and not in the best area of the city. I will see how I feel after a bit more sleep, and maybe go then and look. I need to hug and hold something, although I'd rather be hugged and held. It would be better than nothing.

Got a pretty good hug from my friend last night. Realized I am needing something much longer lasting than even the best hug from a close friend.

Gonna attempt sleep again. Maybe a little anxiety med to relax too.
Thanks again for all the messages….they really do mean a lot to me. I feel cared about and understood and not alone. Means more to me than I can express….

So, sometimes I do some really not-so-smart stuff…my case manager was over today and we were talking about working on finding a inpatient psych unit that would handle my medical needs also, if I were to need inpatient again. Planning ahead. She asked about one particular place, and I said sure, why not, I could go there (even though i had a really horrible incident involving that place, I thought i was over it).

This evening, have a friend over, and I tell her about the "incident". I had never told her. Now I feel like I never should have even said anything to the case manager or even let myself think about it at all today. I was so sure I was "over it", now I know i'm not. It's been over 12 years since it happened.

I dated a guy who worked on the psych unit, where i was a patient. I had transitioned into the day program, and we started hanging out outside the hospital. I knew and he knew it was wrong. Long story short, he ended up assaulting me, i tried to take my life, woke up in that same hospital and was placed back on that unit when medically stable. He was part of my treatment again and threatened me. I waited months before reporting him, there was a huge investigation, he was arrested, never charged due to the investigators stupidity and insensitivity (they interviewed me in public places--a crowded restaurant, a library--I was terrified & was uncomfortable discussing it with other people around especially, and didn't fully disclose info about the assault), but lost his job and cannot ever work in healthcare again.

Stupid me, went thru the old files from the incident, while telling my friend the story of what happened. I really thought I was over it, Ha! My thoughts of wanting a man's arms around me are 100% gone!! Nothing personal guys!! But, I have my new teddy bear that my mom got me yesterday. It's huge. Just the right size though for hugging and holding when i go to bed. My mom thought I was nuts at first when i told her i wanted to get it, but after I explained the whole thing of wanting to be held or hold something and that I really was mentally stable, she was good with it! She even paid for it so that technically when I hold the bear, I can think that it's from my mom and she loves me.

{{{{{{{{{{sunny}}}}}}}}}}}

I am sorry about the latest incident. But this is going to make you stronger in the long run. I agree with Dixie, I don't think you should go back to that facility. But maybe since the guy is gone, it will be okay. I am so sorry that happened.

Hugs, Karen...