loosing hope

Hello, This is my first post to the forum. I've been living with severe chronic pain for nearly 40 years now. After I retired I moved to a rural state/area where there aren't a lot of doctors and only one pain management office in town. There used to be another one that I went to a few years ago. It suddenly closed leaving me high and dry. I found a family clinic where I was able to get a limited amount of pain medicine but never enough. When I once asked for more or something stronger I was almost dismissed so I kept my mouth shut and took what I could get all the while with the usual humiliating treatment, suspicion etc. I was afraid to change to the pain management clinic for fear it would close like the last one did. I cant drive any further than town because of my pain and have no one to help me. Yesterday the nurse practitioner told me she would no longer write my prescription (lortab) because there wasn't enough of it in my urine test. I had had a very bad month so I only had a few pills to take near the end. She just cut me off, wouldn't listen(as usual) to how I was doing and walked out of the room saying "have a nice day" I tried to get her to write me a referral to the pain clinic and she said 'they won't take you now that you've failed your screening.' So I limped out of the office realizing that now I wont have anything or anyone to help me. I did call the clinic and I have an appointment for August but I'm assuming they won't take me cause of what the nurse practitioner said. Anyway that's what happened.
I was unprepared for how depressed I would become from all this and I'm wondering how long I can keep going with no help at all. It makes me very sad to think that I'm crippled with a medical condition that medical people think is okay to deny medicine for and/or not help. The pain I experience is terrible every day from bone and joint problems/deterioration and I've always tried to get by on less and lesser medications and have done well. But now it seems I have not a lot of hope for help. Maybe someone has had a similar experience?

Thank you Karen for the kind words. I'm in a state that doesn't allow medical marijuana. I wish I could afford to move to a more compassionate state. I'll be fine if the new pain management place would take me but I don't know if they will. I do try and distract myself sometimes with movies. I can't walk but a short distance. Even the simplist of chores now are next to impossible. Not being able to cook or clean, wash clothes etc. really gets me down. My pain is akin to having freshly broken bones all the time. I wish i could drive a longer distance but I can't. I just wonder now about having to live out my life this way. Thanks for the suggestions.

I wish I could move but can't afford to. Unfortunately, there are few doctors available here (rural TN). And very few specialists (for example, there is only one orthopedic physician). Thank you very much for your answers and encouragement. It actually brought tears to my eyes just to have one person acknowledge me. Anyway I'll hang in till August. Thank you.

Welcome to the forum.

My late reply is due to pain, did not get on forum yesterday. So as you can see by all our replies YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I want to validate your pain, the daily struggle just to get out of bed is a victory.

You have received plenty advice on drugs and pain mgnt so I won't touch that, except perhaps to go to and ER and start with a new doc, which might be to far away: infinity cycle....

I use meditation for my pain. It does work 60% of the time. Takes some practice, there are guides on youtube you can use to get started. It is amazing what the mind can do for you. I laughed at it, until I did it. Now, I would not make it without it.

Support groups help also, either here, you are so welcome to stay and be supported. Or face to face groups near you. The knowledge knowing and hearing people going through what your are and how they deal with it is so encouraging. It is like a medicine in its own right.

I wish you peace and comfort
Trina