My girlfriend of 5 years left saying she needs to find herself. I feel this is temporary but im ....

Hello my Name is Omar, today is December 19th 2016. I haven't eaten and i haven't slept since Thursday morning. Lets start at the beginning. I met My fiancee on 2012. We started dating on May 8 2012. We had a baby a year later on July 9th 2013. On August 7th i went to jail for 41 days. It was a living hell. I got beat raped, etc. you name it, everything possible of happening happened to me. My fiancee at first was distant but eventually with some hard work and dedication i was able to win her back. Upon release i tried suicide because i got hit in the head so hard in jail that i forgot i had a daughter. It hurt like hell when i saw her for the first time and at the time she was a few months. I remember her looking at me and she cried 1 tear. That nearly killed me. I tried suicide, i tried to jump off a bridge, i jumped in front of a train and the worst one was, i drank bleach. That landed me spending my 21st birthday in a Psych-ward for two weeks.

6 months later im with my fiancee again. We have an apartment. 6 more months later things start to get better and better. I use to be so controlling with her. I wouldn't want her spending time with her family because of the whole incident. They hated me and they hated her when she took me back. I admit to treating her wrong for a while but in time i learned to fix my mistakes. I started treating her like a queen like she deserves to be treated. I bought her everything i loved her with all my might. She has these two cousins that want her to dump me because of who i am. Dont get me wrong im a fantastic dad to my daughter and i know the last year i have been a perfect partner to my fiancee. In April we lost a baby to a miscarriage and it hurt like hell after that day she was never the same. I lost her. Months pass by things get worse then the last month things get better. we both get good jobs and we are both feeling happy. On December 15th i bought her some things for Christmas. I remember how happy she was when she found out i bought her something. I remember wrapping the presents and only to let her open them 5 minutes later. The smile she put was a smile i hadn't seen since the day i met her.

My daughter that night slept over at my fiancee mom house. WE then slept from 5pm that afternoon till 5am the next morning. Everything was perfect, we made love we showered, we talked and then i headed to work. Friday Dec 16th, 2016. The first part of the day was running smooth. Until about 2pm she shoots me a text saying im breaking up with you. My heart dropped. I thought it was a joke. My boss had to drive me home because i was having a panic attack. Since Friday i haven't slept and i haven't eaten. I want to die. I understand that i might be a bit controlling, but if me being controlling is me pushing her to be the best in life then i don't know how im the bad one here.

She wastes so much time using her phone. I like her to focus on whats important in her life. From the moment she wakes up she is on her phone. Can people blame me for snatching the phone of her hand. I love her with all my might and i put up with all the things she does. And at times i even asked myself why i was with her. But then i realized hey maybe now im going through a rough patch with her let me stick through it because she was their for me when i needed someone. SO now i believe shes going through a rough patch and ive decided to respect her decision and be there for her. I am hurting so much. One thing that broke was that she followed a bunch of guys on Instagram started talking to all of them saying i was controlling. Started passing her number around. That hurt like hell and she blocked me. As im writing this my insides are just tossing and turning. Im trying my hardest to stay strong. Stay strong for our 3 year old daughter. Currently shes staying at her mothers house. Im at our apartment alone slowly dying. She passed by yesterday with the baby and when she was leaving she went for a hug and i said no but she force it and it felt so good. Then i asked her if i could get one more if not i would end up regretting it. I haven't slept in 3 days i haven eaten or drank one thing in 3 days.

My whole body hurts inside. I feel so broken i don't think i can keep this up. She game 400$ to pay the rent for this month. She still has all her stuff at home. I don't know if I've lost her or not but a week without her is something i wont be able to survive. I suffered for 2 whole years with the prison experience. Literarlly until recently i became emotional stable. I dont think i can survive this. Ive asked tons of people about everything ive done wrong to her and what they think and they all say she will be back. I dont know if they say it to keep me at ease or they say it because they believe. All i know is that i Love this girl with all my heart and i want to spend the rest of my life with her. I believe if we got through hell together before in the past i know in my heart and in heart down inside somewhere we can get through this. I have hope but everything in my body is telling me to give up. Help!

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/21/2016 8:01:59 AM (GMT-7)

First of all, you can't continue trying to control her. No person likes that. It suffocates people when somebody is trying to control their lives. So give that up...

It sounds like she is a bit immature. But we all grow at our own pace, that could be why she is on the phone so much.

I think that the important thing for you is to learn to live with or without her. If you let go a bit, she may come back. But if you keep trying to control the situation, it is only going to crumble in front of you.

Get some help on being your own person. See a therapist if need be or get some books to read.

I hope that things go the way that you wish they would. Just remember you can't force it.

Hugs, Karen...

Oh Omar, I'm so sorry, this whole situation sucks. That said, should I tell you what you WANT to hear? Or should I tell you what you NEED to hear? Truthfully, I can't tell you that you're doing the right things. Because you're not. You don't take a grown person's phone away because you think she uses it too much. You don't get to control who your girlfriend texts with or talks to. You don't get to use the excuse that you're doing all this stuff for her own good. And you sure as hell don't get to pull the "I'm so sad I'm gonna kill myself" BS - you have a kid. Man up.

You really want to make this better? Pick up the phone, call a cab, and get to a hospital. You need someone to help you put all of this into perspective. You. Are. Not. Thinking. Right. You want to win your girlfriend back? Get your head on straight first.

Omar, I care very little about your past, but I am very interested in your future. You've spent a lot of words justifying your behavior and explaining who you are. Now take the next step and work on becoming better.

Good luck new friend.

Omar, did you phone for a cab?

That's great news, Omar! I'm really happy to hear that.

What did they tell you at the hospital?

You know something Omar? I think you're going to come through this just fine. You have a lot of work ahead of you, and there's going to be days where you're going to feel like giving up, but you have the right attitude. You did the right thing going to emergency, and you're doing the right thing by chatting about this. In this whole crappy situation you can give yourself a little pat on the back for being willing to do the work.

Respect.

Hey Omar, here's a pro tip from someone who's been dealing with depression for a loooooong time: don't aim for perfect, just aim for happy.

Avy:

I've been through the same thing. Nobody who hasn't experienced this should even try to guess what this is like. "Only The Lonely Know How I Feel Tonight" (a song).

It's one thing to be dumped by a girl. It's something else entirely to be dumped by a girl soon after you've experienced a rough situation, in our case, a mental collapse of some sort.

That is difficult to take.

You're already feeling worthless by the mental collapse, then the one thing that is holding you up, your girlfriend, leaves you, because of the mental collapse. If one of those things happened separately, we might have a chance to recover.

But when they happen one after the other, it is double rough.

In high school at 18, I had a psychotic episode in class with my girlfriend sitting next to me, that was bad enough. I'm wondering who am I? A complete idiot?

Then in a few days we'll say my girlfriend starts making moves like she wants to dump me, right now! Gosh, I hadn't recovered from the first knock down! And now the person who I depended on the most, wants nothing to do with me.

I kept asking her out for dates at the end of each date, and she would say OK. When things leveled off and we were going to part anyway for school reasons, we quit dating.

Not to have that extra time to level off, to get stable from the mental problems, and your girlfriend leaves you, would seem to me to be very difficult.

So, I have an idea of what you're going through.

As someone has already said, I would try to prepare for both possibilities. Her coming back you can deal with.

It's her not coming back is what you might want to try to prepare for.

I would try to get psychiatric help and medication.

I would at some point try to do volunteer work or something like that which would get you out of the house, helping and meeting others. It's these other people, the ones you are helping, the ones who are helping you, who are going to help you the most.

And they're all going to help you forget about this girlfriend, which is what you need.

I would try to stay positive. "One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."

I think it's good that you wrote in. Write back and let us know how you are doing.

Nah Omar, I didn't mean to insinuate that you should move on, just that you should focus on being happy instead of being perfect. That said, it's significant that you appear to associate moving on with being happy.

One day at a time, let us know how therapy goes...

Hugs, Karen...

Keep working on yourself, Omar. You're fiance is going to have to take the wheel for a while so you can get your head straight.

Do me a favor and shift your perspective just a little bit. Don't focus on your relationship's issues, instead focus on why those issues are affecting you so profoundly. How should you be dealing with this differently?

It's tough when you think you're doing everything right and the world still falls apart. What I'm hoping you'll focus on is WHY your problems feel so insurmountable. Stuff like this is supposed to hurt, but it's not supposed to be debilitating. What do you think you can do for your mental health that will help you through this?

And kudos for taking care of your physical health, that's so important.

Good for you, my friend. Never give up.

Did you go back to the hospital yesterday?