Just in case

Just in case your having a weird or off, or sad New Year's Eve. Well I am too. So your not alone (entirely )

My excuse or my coping was I have gone out plenty of times and that I am okay with staying home tonight. I was happy to hear my family was going on with their plans. I hate thinking that my sickness is weighing in on them too much. It'll be the new year soon. I know what I am grateful for but I also certainly know what I would want to change.

It's weird that one of them is that I hope medicine starts to work soon. But I do. I need a little help getting over the hump to do things I'm 'supposed' to do

Hope everyone is okay tonight. Happy new year ! Happy can be a scary word for me, I guess new can be as well. But i think all of us, dealing with or suffering with depression, are certainly a group who deserve a happy and new, year!

Yeah, it's like allowing yourself to chuckle at something. It doesn't happen for me often so when it does I try to hold onto it. I'm not really doing better today and just started a new medicine earlier this week, so i don't think it's kicking it yet. I know typical is a few weeks to fully feel anything.

It'd be awesome to be at the place where I am managing and functioning, it's taking forever.

I try to stay calm, process my thoughts. Separate emotions and what might be irrational, but it's awfully hard to always have to do this. But for now I guess I'm stuck with these thoughts. I know mindfulness and meditation helps but it's a repeat cycle for me once a new hour begins. I can't magically make myself enjoy the things I used to. I even get mad when hearing about other people doing things. I get envious I suppose that. I just want to go back to feeling that way and enjoying life again.

Sorry this was a downer, it's just where I'm at right now.

Post Edited (Oranged) : 1/1/2017 1:19:10 PM (GMT-7)

Glad to hear it Oranged!

Rispiridone and abilify are a lot alike. I took rispiridone for awhile. They both helped me. I can't remember why I switched to the abilify. It takes time I guess. It took me five tries before I found the right antidepressant. Which was frustrating. But finally I took Effexor for like 15 years or more, then I went to pristiq.

That abilify slows my thinking down a lot which helps. I tend to overthink. The mindfulness helps also. So once the rispiridol can help with mindfulness if you decide to work on that. I know you are going to be feeling a lot better soon. It is just hard getting there.

Hang in there and try to take things one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen...

I believe I took it in the morning with my other meds, but there could be reason to take it at night. I take the abilify in the morning too.

Best wishes for a good day...

Hugs, Karen...

Maybe that is what the doc wanted. Were you having problems with sleep? I take most everything in the morning except metformin I take with meals and my simvastatin I take at night.

Wishing you the best...

Hugs, Karen...

That can be a good thing. Have you noticed any difference in how you are feeling? It is probably early to be able to tell but I was just curious.

Have a good evening...

Hugs, Karen...

I am doing good, I have been tired today though. I think from the holidays, sugar and sweets not good for me. Plus all the planning and activity. Now I am moving at a snail's pace.

I am so happy you had a good session with the therapist. That is a good sign...

I hope you have a good night. I hope you sleep well...

Hugs, Karen...

Went from a good night to a bad morning. So frustrating. Didn't realize how sick my stomach gets with new medicine plus morning anxiety. I'm missing work again and it feels awful.

I thought the respiridone was supposed to help.

Yeah doc knows about the anxiety. She said same about xanax, being addictive etc. she prescribed me some beta blockers to help with morning anxiety. I mentally tell myself that they work.
I've been practicing my breathing techniques. Sometimes it's that and faith that I rely on.

The difficult part for me is what's making me anxious, isn't going to go away. Going to work is a reality. I used to love it. I have loved it and I do like parts of it. I'm hoping over time that the major stressors decrease. It's hard to fight the negative thoughts on my own. It's hard to fake it and pretend I'm okay all the while trying to do a good job. But I also know that avoiding it does not make it any better or easier. Brain says stay home, brain also says force yourself and go to work.
I'll see what happens tomorrow morning again.

I did make it in. I had to pull over in the morning, and truly wanted to call in sick minutes before work starts, but somehow forced myself in. Felt awfully weird all day. Was trying and hoping for distractions. Little bits did. I'm waiting for the after effects to kick in where going and showing up will make me ' happier' and less anxious about missing so much, and less anxious about working in itself.

It's incredible the amount of struggle we have to go through.
Why does my breathing and heart have to feel like that while trying to do something that I used to love. It's baffling.

I am longing for a non struggling day...and days.

Orange,

You said: "Was trying and hoping for distractions. Little bits did.

"It's incredible the amount of struggle we have to go through.
Why does my breathing and heart have to feel like that while trying to do something that I used to love. It's baffling.

"I am longing for a non struggling day...and days."

Lot of that sounds like me before I was on Lithium. I was having anxiety attacks. After years of those anxiety attacks, the Lithium stopped them cold. It calmed me down. It calmed down the mania, and helped lift the depression some, although I still need an anti-depressant, and am on Mirtazapine right now.

I take Lithium for bipolar. But it was also a calmative to me. I describe first going on Lithium as the air being let out of an overtight balloon. I didn't know I was that tense.

It's not a tranquilizer, it just calms me down. When I read about how tense you are at work, and prior to going to work, it reminds me of my state before going on Lithium.

With your trying all of these medicines, have you or your doctor ever even considered Lithium? You might want to look it up on the net to see what it's benefits are, and see if one of them is, reduces anxiety. See what it's used for, see if it's used for anxiety.

I've only heard of it being used for bipolar, but maybe a lower dosage than for bipolar, could calm you down.