Life sucks

Hello! I'm 19 and I think that depression has got a hold of me. I just can't help but feeling like a piece of crap every now and then. I'm losing hope to live and I think it might not be worth it. I don't even feel like I belong in my family. And they are all kind of bringing me down. I don't know if I'm the one with a stupid point of view but I want to actually do what I love doing. But for some reason I just can't get any support and they're making me think that I want the impossible. And I just don't know what to do anymore. And my way of thinking is if I can't do what I love doing than life just isn't worth living. There have been nights where I couldn't fall asleep because so many negative thoughts have been passing through my mind. I even feel like I am a mistake. My mother and father are divorced and I wonder sometimes what if they never got together. What if my mother had realised that he was not the man for her sooner. I never would have been born. And sometimes I actually wish it were true. I'm just about to graduate and I am already starting to feel scared and hopeless. So many times I have wished to die, I have prayed to god to end my suffering because I just don't see the point. Every time I wake up in the morning and expect to never feel that way again the pain comes back sooner or later and I can't take it anymore. Please, tell me what I should do because at this point I just don't know what to believe in.

Welcome to the forum.

It is natural to feel apprehensive and fearful at this time of your life.

I would suggest talking to your family doctor, school nurse. Getting a referral for therapy to help you through this.

Have you spoken to a career counselor at school about what you want to do? What you are interested in?

If you can figure it out, you can do a 2 year bachelors degree, say for business or accounting, at a community college. Then once you have a better hold on things you can move forward. Doing the BD at community college, you can take 1-3 course at a time, do summer courses, take 3 yrs if you have to.

There is no rule saying it has to be done in 2 years. You can get part time job and pay for the courses as you take them. I did this when I was 36. I suggest you do not wait the long!

We are here to support and listen. There is a thread at the top of the forum. Resources.
Take some time and review the pages. Lots of phone numbers, links and other great stuff to set you in the right direction.

Peace and strength
Trina