depression and. wanting a divorce

Hello, first off I apologize for the bad grammar.
Please help me as I am lost and cunfussed.

My wife of 4 years woke up. Three weeks ago and told me she was unhappy and wants a divorce. We have two kids. So I begged her to give us 6 months with marriage counseling. She agreed but tells me she just doesn't want to be married she in happy.
My. Cunfusion. Before all this went down we were good yes we had fights but we always bounced back. She as been telling me she appriciates me and all I do she tells me that she happy with me she tells me she loves me. And we have each other till death.. We have great sex. Then. One Sunday morning. We were eating and. She tells me she unhappy and wants out. And then tells me all that lovely stuff was fake or her trying to push her feeling aside. I don't know what to believe now.

To understand more. We had a big fight last year. She wanted out but gave me another shot. I have changed completely her words as well. But when ever she got mad at me she always threw in the ibwant a divorce but later told me she only said that in the momebt5 and she loves me and we are good and nothing can break us. . my issues have been chasing her to be annoyed with me.

There was thus guy at her school and they text a lot. The do study groups alone. And are good friends. I have never met the guy and she always was weird when I ask to meet him. She got drunk with friends one night. And I. Stupidly looked through her phone. While she was pasted out. This guy sends her selfies. And they talk sexual things he telling her she as a nice frame and all that crap. I confront her and ask her if there is anything going on she says know and he 36 gross we are just good friends. Ibasked her. To stop talking to him alone so she did only in group chat now.

Later on I was washing her clothes from that drunk night and found a used condom wrapper I ask her about it and she knew nothing about it and got mad at me for asking her because she was so drunk she couldn't. Remember. It was a family party and it was a prank her cousin did I found out later.

Any ways I got super jealous and started asking her questions all the time. If she talk to this guy what do they talk about. I just got really jealous. So that been going on. We have been fighting about that . during her finakes week of school. Is when she brings up I want out if this marriage. Later. As of yesterday she tells me she feels depressed she is always sleeping. Or playing games and just checking out. Do you think she really want a. Divorce or is there something. Going on with her. Keep in mind we have 2 baby's I world 16 hours a day and she goes to school and comes home to take care of the kids. I help as soon. As I get home. Do you think she just done with everything or is this depression taking over. She been like this before but she always bounced back from it. This one seems like she really. Stepping away from me.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/2/2018 9:16:37 AM (GMT-6)

I am guessing that you & your wife are young from the sound of your post. Your wife goes to school & apparently is a stay at home mom. That combination is a lot to handle. You on the other hand, have a lot on your plate working the long hours to support the family. With 2 kids I am sure it is difficult for any alone time with your wife. Do you ever get a sitter & the two of you have an evening of no kids?

I honestly do not see the 36 year old as a major threat. If they are in a study group I don't see a problem with that. As far as the texting goes if it were me I would not have ever started the whole text thing to begin with. Stupid stuff like that will lead no where & can unnecessary grief. No one but her knows why or how this text stuff started.

As for jealousy, most people find it to be very unflattering. If anything it makes the jealous person look very distrustful. Having a distrustful partner will break a relationship down. The wife throwing the comment out I am unhappy & want out when she decides too is, wrong. She knows this is something you don't want to hear & it upsets you. That is immature on her part. I suggest you work on this in counseling. If counseling does not work out both of you need to move on. There is immaturity with both of you.

Your children are the innocent bystanders in this situation. Their well being should be the priority too. Meaning they need a calm, safe & a consistent environment to grow up in. I am a product of a broken home at a young age. It was a relief when my parents divorced because of the horrendous problems those two had. No kid should ever live in that mess. The old saying "we will stay together because of the kids". That is the very worst reason to use. The kids are the ones that pays a huge price for parents that do this.

Get into counseling & take it from there. Good luck.

Four year marriage, 2 kids, 16 hour workdays...no wonder the marriage is troubled.

Post pardum depression could be part of this equation, too.

Life is not a fairy tale...there is no 'happily ever after'...at least not without working together.

Both should get screened for depression and address any positive diagnosis.

Make time for each other! Do you dress nice for each other as you did while dating? Really focus on each other, like you did while dating? Part of the attraction of 'someone new' is the excitement. Those endorphines can work for us or against us.