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Has a long talk with daughter,ya know shes pretty wise

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Posted 5/28/2009 1:15 PM (GMT -5)
I had a long talk with my daughter and she had alot to say.  She said what about her hubby Jade,what a ass he had been and God knows she should have left him long ago.  After I stayed at their house when she had surgery I found that I kinda liked Jade.  His whole attitude had changed since I saw him last time.  He did have a moment of playing the silent games that he did before and I asked just when was he going to talk to Barb and he said when she quit shouting orders and could talk to him in with some respect.  Omg he finally had got it!  I said so it isnt so pleasant when its you and he said no and I agreed that Barb was being extremly bossy and asking way to much.  We bonded I think on that day I told him I hadnt forgot his behavior in the past and he apoligized for that.  He even said I was welcome anytime,me the most hated MIL of all time or so he had thought so before.  I also watched him during this last visit.  Now he still doest do alot of chores around the house but when we sat next to the fire we made (she lives in the country)he gently held his 5 yr old as the fire died down and talked so gently with her and was great with all the kids.  This was something I thought I would never see. The kids finally had a dad.  He had dinner with the family every night and then had Barb next to him till bedtime,laughing and joking.

 

Barb told me not to give up on Jayson just yet.  That he was stressed from work and was going through something he may not even know what it was but was it showing with his anger.  I told Jayson yesterday that we both knew what was coming and he said he would look for a place to stay the next day.  I said I didnt think we could make things work and he said why not that it happens to ppl all the time.  He gave me the idea that he wanted to try.  I asked what about what he said the spark was gone and he said he hadnt thought about sex in weeks and that it was him that had the problem he was very stressed that he had the problem or at least part of it.  He has to learn about fibro cause I cant take the demands made of me and I realize he feels trapped not being able to be with me on the days that are set for my surgery because there is noone to open the store and he is stuck. He feels like he cant control my health and it drives him crazy.  Maybe it wont work maybe it will, I have to try.  I just cant throw 9 years of marriage away when this behavour has just been recent and he did say its been different for 3 years but never said he wasnt happy till now.  I now that I will be ok I have a place to go if needed.  But I wont be run out of my apartment when he desides it time, I will however spend alot of time with my grandkids and maybe go see my brother not because he says to go but because I need to spend more time with family.  Who knows what will happen but my daughter made me see how hard it is for him right now and didnt excuse his behavour(sp) and I told him yesterday what i thought of it too.  Keep your fingers crossed that I end up happy one way or another.

 

Posted 5/28/2009 2:11 PM (GMT -5)
WOW! That's alot to take in. I really hope you get the outcome you want.

HARA - Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, Asthma, Depression, Anxiety, GERD

Posted 5/29/2009 8:18 AM (GMT -5)
Karen, I am so proud of you and that you are sticking up for yourself and will not be treated badly. I am all for making things work. I stuck it out with both of my marriages beyond what I should have, but I walked away knowing I had given it everything I had.

I wish both of you the best and hope you and Jayson can work this out!

Jill

Posted 5/29/2009 9:17 AM (GMT -5)
Hi Karen,

I have not been on the forum much, but I read your post and had to say that I am happy that you are getting things ironed out. You are a very good person and deserve the best. And I hope that things continue to go well for you.

Thinking of you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/29/2009 9:46 AM (GMT -5)
Karen marriage is a work in progress from beginning til end cause life is ever changing. You start out in the honeymoon phase, go through many trials together and then get older and face health issues together, that's where my hubby and I are. I know my DH does not tell me about all the business problems cause he knows what stress does to me so he deals with it himself. That makes me feel bad cause his problems are my problems too just like fibro is his problem too since it affects both of our lives.

 

I still like what the old woman who had been married for 75 yrs said the secret to a long marriage is, "we never fell out of love at the same time".

 

I must have missed your post about having surgery, what are you having done???

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 5/29/2009 10:59 AM (GMT -5)
Hi Karen,

I'm new here so I don't know your story, but I do know this: all marriages are worth fighting for if there is still love there. Nowadays our society gives up too early because we can - divorce is too readily available. I mean, I regret to this day the fact that I gave up on my first marriage (that was over 15 years ago) because my bipolar was out of control and neither of us could deal with it. If I could go back, I would change so many things because in the end, we loved each other, and now, it's just too late to go back.

So IMHO, the only question to ask is this - is there love on both sides? If so, then that's really all that's needed. Everything else can be worked out through compromise and communication.

That's my opinion anyway.
Posted 5/30/2009 11:38 AM (GMT -5)
I cant type long this morning but I do have alot to tell you guys,including my upcoming surgery and my bruised kidney and broken ribs ughhhhhh.  Love ya all and will get back to u I promise.

 

Karen

Posted 6/3/2009 11:27 AM (GMT -5)
Sorry Ive taken so long to get back to you.  It seems to be when Jays tired he deosnt want to talk but he is now at least saying when he gets in one of his moods.  He has been back to his loving self.  I told him I just coudnt take livng like I was. The thing with girl from work has stopped,when I told him that he was wierding her out with so many texts.  I need communication and feed back.  We even went out to the mall to see a movie but when we got there we both decided we would probly fall asleep in it lol. So no movie and he carried my purse when he could tell it was hurting.  I have learned to talk more too as in when he asks my opion on something and instead of saying oh i dont no you pick the place,he said he was tired of hearing that.  We took an earlier bus so it wasnt such a long day, and on the bus he said today was a good day and I agreed.  We did get in one fight though,at the jewely store I went to get my rings cleaned and I said that he said we could upgrade to a bigger size when the rings were paid off and he said um no I didnt agree to that.  I was set to make my point when I realized it wasnt that he didnt want me to have the larger ring but he didnt want another payment on them and said these are fine for now maybe later and stopped the arguement right away.  Pick your fight and that wasnt important and not something I needed to talk about at this point in our realaship.  Then I woke sick as a dog yesterday!!  apparently my new med for reflux wasnt working at alllllllll.  Everthing I had in my tummy from the day before came up and with throwing up the way I couldnt take my pain meds,it was a mess.  But ya know what?  my mom came over with crackers and a nice pat on the back and she just stayed with me till I could fall asleep and it was nice.  So theres my time till now oh and they got the time wrong on my appt for my dye MRI and now I have to wait till the 19th.  They are going to do a thing were they go through my groin and into my brain to help find the bad vein thats causing my strokes.  Im terrified so please pray for me.

 

Hugs,

Karen

Posted 6/3/2009 2:02 PM (GMT -5)
Karen I'm glad your having the dye contrast done to find what is causing the strokes. Yes, there are risk to any procedure like that but if they can find it and fix it, which is probably what they will do , it may save your life so it is worth it.

 

You are wise to pick your battles. If you want a bigger ring start saving your money for one. I wanted a bigger flat panel TV for our family room and it was not a neccessity so I saved all the change and $1.00 bills til I had enough for it. You would be surprised at how fast it adds up and you don't even miss the money.

 

I'm sorry your still getting so sick. But it is nice to read that you and Jay are trying to work things out.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

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