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Having a baby and getting sufficient rest??? (as it relates to FM/CFS-health)

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Fibromyalgia
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Posted 1/12/2014 3:02 PM (GMT -5)
Hi all,

I don't have children but I consider having them, (I'm early 30's so my window of opportunity is slowly closing) but I wonder is it possible to get sufficient sleep when you have children? Whenever I talk to parents, especially of young kids, they often say you can kiss sleep and rest goodbye. :/ That always concerns me.

My world revolves around sleep. If I don't sleep enough, I am miserable, I can't think, my fog is 10 times worse, and I'm a grumpy mostly unhappy person. FM makes getting sufficient restful sleep more challenging. So I feel that I'm already put at a disadvantage.

I'm concerned that if I had a baby, I'd pretty much be destroying my ability to be rested for the next decade or so. Am I being overly concerned?

Would sleep be hard the first few months of having a baby but eventually get easier as the baby gets older? Do parents of young children ever find a structured routine that works for everyone? If you have children, what's your experience with finding rest?

My finances have finally started to recover in the last half of year or so, and so I'm more open to the idea of having a family, but I still have hesitations.

Please be honest. I'm okay with the honest truth either way. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks!
Posted 1/12/2014 3:23 PM (GMT -5)
Great question! I am curious too...
Posted 1/12/2014 4:41 PM (GMT -5)
I have to say that it depends on the baby and there are no guarantees. My son has Asperger's, a form of high functioning Autism, and he never slept through the night. I'm not even sure if he sleeps through the night now at 20! The flip side is that my daughters were great sleepers and established habits on their own pretty quickly.

You never know what you are going to get, so you'd have to realize that if you should have a baby that there is a good chance either way that you'll get a sleeper...or you won't. If the baby happens to be autistic, all of those books on how to get your baby to sleep are out, none of them work. I know, I tried!

If you don't work outside of the home, and if you only have one child (my son was my first born, so while his sisters were great sleepers, I couldn't sleep when they did because I had him!) and if you can survive on short naps around the clock and don't mind the mess your house will become...then I say go for it. Remember that when you are sleep deprived, you'll find it easier to nap simply because you are that exhausted.

Once the baby goes to preschool you'll have several hours you can sleep while he is in school. Ditto with regular school. So it isn't a decade of no sleep (unless you work outside the home) but only 3-5 years if you have a no-sleeper type child.

You'll have to be honest with yourself. If you are going to be a foggy, grumpy mom for the first three years of a child's life, probably not a good idea to have that child. If you can work around naps and you think that you'd really be missing out by not having a child then I'd say go for it. I'd recommend just one child, simply because once you have more than one, any sleep will go out the door because when one is asleep, the other will be awake.

Joy
Posted 1/14/2014 1:56 PM (GMT -5)
I have to be totally honest here...The first few months were hell for us with sleep. If you have a totally supportive partner, then this helps somewhat...My son did not go fully through the night until he was 1....so that first year, pretty sucked. But it does fly by, they soon get into a routine, but you really have to grab sleep when you can - this may mess up your sleep pattern.

My daughter on the other hand, slept through after 6 weeks...which is astonishing. It really does depend on the baby, as Joy said. They are all so different and you can't predict it.

Remember though, babies need feeding every couple / few hours in first few weeks / months...so you can imagine what this means throughout night...but if you and your hubbie did shifts, then this helps

I believe having my daughter was the start of fibro / cfs for me, but didnt know it back then...Looking back I was never the same after her...my sleep patterns changed and I started having this awake time from 2-4am for no reason, its like I got used to sleeping lightly in case she cried...this has continued and Im still trying to solve this.

Very true about waking eachother up, when my son cries now (through illness etc) he wakes up my daughter..then they are both up...then they come running into your room at unearthly times like 4 or 5 am - we just tell them to go back to sleep its too early!

However, perhaps having a baby can rectify hormonal imbalances? I hope I havent put you off, I just wanted to tell you how it really was in my world.

Good luck :o)
Posted 1/30/2014 8:17 PM (GMT -5)
Im worried about how I will cope with FM and a baby too....I have it a bit easier because I can nap at pretty much any time and still sleep at night. I don't have trouble getting sleep....its staying awake that I have trouble with! Maybe try practicing napping more. Then when baby sleeps, you sleep! That is my plan anyway!

Im also worried about how my body will cope with the pregnancy....
Posted 1/31/2014 12:52 AM (GMT -5)
To be completely honest here. I am not sure I could have raised my kids if I had FM and CFS when they were little, not to mention the pregnancy's. Even without FM and CFS I was totally laid out during my pregnancy's with my two girls (the boys weren't as bad). I don't think it is just when they are newborns you need to be concerned about, and it probably depends how many kids you are talking about. I have to tell you though, the thought of having a baby now with FM and CFS would be terrifying to me.

I feel for you and your situation. I know there are women on here that probably went through pregnancy's and are raising their little ones that could be more help than me. My youngest is 14 and I feel guilty because I don't have the energy to do things with her that I did with her older siblings.

Life can be difficult at times.
Posted 1/31/2014 12:20 PM (GMT -5)
im constantly feeling guilty about energy and not doing things with my kids due to fm /cfs...its sooo hard, but having an understanding partner helps a lot xx
Posted 2/1/2014 2:03 AM (GMT -5)
It definitely does get easier as they get older, but you might develop more sleep disturbances as a result of that first stage (when you have to be up with them every couple of hours.) I did.

I didn't have Fibro when my son (my 1st) was born, back in 1982. I remember how I'd see strangers on the street and envy them their energy, and wonder how much sleep they'd gotten! I also had some very bizarre, unsettling thoughts and dreams...like dreaming while awake. It got to where I kind of dreaded falling totally asleep because then it was so agonizing when the crying would start...

It was with my 2nd pregnancy that I really started to notice I couldn't do what other people could - or rather, I could do it, but then I'd have strange pain and fatigue. I just didn't feel right.

I decided to go ahead and have a 3rd child at 34, and I'm so glad I did. Yes, the pregnancy was harder, but there were no actual complications, medically speaking....I just felt more like crap.

But that child is the light of my life :)

I was finally diagnosed with Fibro, which I'd never heard of, a couple of years after she was born. First-off, I was put on something for sleep - now I take 2 different things. There's no doubt in my mind that the whole adventure was worth it. My kids have enriched my life beyond measure. But then, I didn't know what I was in for, either - Fibro-wise, I mean. So my situation was different from yours.

It is a huge decision. I wish you luck with it!

Debbie
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