New to forum, not new to fibro- need a friend

Hi there - I'm new here. I have many health issues, Fibromyalgia, Pseudotumor Cerebri/ICH, and degenerating discs in my neck being the main ones. Diagnosed over ten years ago with fibro. I won't go into a lengthy gripe about my fibro symptoms as I could write a novel - I'm sure you all know them well. I just hope someone has the time maybe or the boredom to keep reading. I'm sure you're all tired of hearing sad cases about sick people, but I hope that just maybe somebody will care tonight.

I could really use a friend right now - I only have one currently, and I'm not close to my family. I would really like to make a friend or two here - or even just an email pal / venting buddy. Going into a burnout phase after attempting to go back to work full time. Each time I fail at a job it really takes a piece of my spirit I think. I was raised an only child in an abusive home, but my female cousins (who were like sisters) and I all grew up with the belief that being independent, finishing college, having a good career and a happy family could make up for whatever we all may have lacked growing up. Well, I've now turned 30 and I've accomplished none of these goals while they are now lawyers with successful families and babies on the way. My husband and best friend of 12 years has grown apart from me after 10 years of Fibro nonsense - we've both played a part in it of course, but we've recently decided to get divorced, and I'm terrified of the financial consequences of this. Until 6 months ago, I could only work a part time job for minimum wage and survive with significant help from my husband. To say I'm panicking would be an understatement - thoughts of being unable to afford medications, dr visits, or even pay the bills and eat regularly are swirling through my mind, yet the fibro fog prevents me from really being able to formulate any plan for my future. I am getting through each day as it comes, hoping I'll wake up from my living nightmare to be honest! lol

My only friend is my roommate who is my guardian angel the past few months. My husband and I moved up to this crappy little town in Texas so he could finish his degree and hopefully give us a better life. Little did I realize I'd be dumped at my mother's house as soon as he got a promotion at his current job. He is now moving away and leaving me here with my one friend/roommate and recovering drug addict mother who I never see as she takes care of her permanently disabled boyfriend. I saw this forum and figured I'd take a chance. I'm not the type of person to whine on about things on the internet - I usually don't have the energy to type much anyway. However, I'm in a bit of a crisis mode. The loneliness is overwhelming, and due to my ill health, I am only able to go to work and come home. I veg out on the couch and stare off into space for a few hours while my burning skin and aching body scream at me. Fix some dinner, take meds, go to bed. Rinse, repeat.

It's very hard to socialize or even know how to start having a life again. I'm not sure who I am anymore without my husband. I have no interests (I used to ride my horse for therapy each week, but have had to give him away as my husband left suddenly and I can no longer afford him - it breaks my heart into a million pieces each time I think of this, but that's another novel). After losing my horse and furry friend of almost a decade, I find that I just can't imagine anything making me happy again. I was always active physically before I got sick and found happiness/stress relief in physical activity. I've tried knitting, reading, tv, and it all just makes me feel insane. I hate being stuck inside and I just don't have any interests in cripple crafts as I jokingly call them. My husband spent all our savings without me knowing and I'm just so hurt.The restlessness and loneliness are almost too much to bear. I've been to therapists in the past for depression/anxiety. Nothing helped. Anti depressants did nothing but add side effects to my long list of ailments (and yes I've tried almost all of them). Anxiety meds just turned me into a zombie who was indifferent and emotionless. Talking about my problems with a therapist did nothing but send me home even more unhappy each time, and there isn't enough deep breathing or positive thinking in the world to stop the physical pain from interrupting the good in my life. I can't even focus long enough to meditate (I am a Buddhist). I just become frustrated and burst into tears because I feel like I fail at that too.

I guess I'm in a real pickle. I don't expect anyone here to have a miracle cure for me. I could just use a friend. Even if all I do is listen to you to take my mind off of how messed up things are for me. I really don't know from day to day if I'll be able to continue making money to support myself. I don't know what to do then? I can't even afford my medications for next month or my doctor visit. I do have my roommate and I am grateful for him, but he's very clueless about chronic illness and I'm terrified of scaring off the only person I know in this town by oversharing and constantly asking for help. I guess I just feel lost. Before I got sick, I was 4.0 gpa pre-med in college and full of life /energy / positivity. I feel crushed by everything. I know I will probably get ten posts telling me to go to a therapist or call a suicide hotline, but I can't afford therapy and those hotlines are a joke. I don't want to be committed, I just want energy to be a productive member of society and maybe find a little happiness somewhere in there again. I'm not sure I'll ever be okay with being a sick person.

Ty for listening/reading if you've made it this far. I try to be a good person/friend and I'm not always this blue. I just feel like I'm cursed maybe. And I'm really scared. I guess I feel like all I can really offer is to listen to you in return if you need it. I'd love to have an email or venting buddy for as long as I can afford internet and as long as the spinal fluid condition I have doesn't cause me to lose most of my eyesight again! Lol I laugh so that I don't cry. Fibro fog is setting in and this message is getting long. How did you guys learn to be okay with being ill? I just can't get over my anger and grief at the loss of who I feel I should've been. I had so much to offer - and now all I can do is listen. It just seems like such a waste to end up this way after trying for ten years. My self esteem is definitely in the toilet.
--Ash

((((((((((Gentle hugs))))))))

First, get a lawyer who will do your divorce based on winning alimony and will take a small percentage or husband pays for him.

Second, get a disability lawyer who will help you file for SSDI. He gets paid after you win.

Third, go to your county DFACS office and apply for food stamps and medicaid.

Last, you're not a failure. You're sick and you need help.

Best of luck.

Hi, Ashley, and welcome! You have already gotten excellent advice here. You deserve alimony. I bet your husband wouldn't have made it this far without your help....emotional and financial. So go for it!

You are going through a terrible time right now and the stress you are going through is causing more pain. Take one day at a time and don't project yourself in the future. No one knows what the future holds so it's a waste of time and we usually conjure up the worst case scenario.

It is important to keep moving so do start out walking. That is an excellent gentle exercise for fibro. So is swimming and yoga. When I started walking I only could walk four houses down but I didn't give up and now I can walk distances with ease.

I'm so sorry about having to sell your horse, though. I know I would be heart-broken too. But maybe you will find a farm close by and, once you explain why you have to sell your horse, they may let you come and ride it anyway. I know I would do that. The exercise is good for the horse too.

I take a few inexpensive things to my fibro. I use ibuprofen with food, Tylenol, vitamin D3, and magnesium malate. I get my supplements for, Puritan.com and they are inexpensive there and they have really helped me and quite a few others. I also take a prescription muscle relaxer called Robaxin that has been around for ages so it's quite inexpensive too. You might ask your doctor about them.

This forum is very active and the members are wonderful. We all help each other and, as a bonus, we care about each other too. So just come here, read, post, and join in with our very special family! You will probably learn things that will help you and lift some of your depression, too.

Be sure to read Fibro 101...the first thread on the forum. There are links to good info about fibro and you can learn a lot there. I've had fibro for 27 years and am still learning new things. There are links about the supplements I mentioned and how they work in your body. Also, there is a wonderful link about maintaining a positive attitude when you have chronic pain. That has helped me when I have one of those days.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you. Hope to hear more from you soon.

Sherrine

Hi Ashley,

Welcome to the forum!!!

Hugs, Karen....

im here too and im feeling your pain...welcome to the forum, we are all friends here listening to you

I've felt so welcome here and learned so much about my illness, it really is a place to come and vent and get advice

Big hugs from the UK

XXX

HI Ashley I read your whole post. I understand completely needing a friend and needing to vent. If you would like to personally email me please feel free to. My email is amanda.see85@gmail.com. I have alot of the same medical problems you have and more.


uote="Ashleychitta"]Hi there - I'm new here. I have many health issues, Fibromyalgia, Pseudotumor Cerebri/ICH, and degenerating discs in my neck being the main ones. Diagnosed over ten years ago with fibro. I won't go into a lengthy gripe about my fibro symptoms as I could write a novel - I'm sure you all know them well. I just hope someone has the time maybe or the boredom to keep reading. I'm sure you're all tired of hearing sad cases about sick people, but I hope that just maybe somebody will care tonight.

I could really use a friend right now - I only have one currently, and I'm not close to my family. I would really like to make a friend or two here - or even just an email pal / venting buddy. Going into a burnout phase after attempting to go back to work full time. Each time I fail at a job it really takes a piece of my spirit I think. I was raised an only child in an abusive home, but my female cousins (who were like sisters) and I all grew up with the belief that being independent, finishing college, having a good career and a happy family could make up for whatever we all may have lacked growing up. Well, I've now turned 30 and I've accomplished none of these goals while they are now lawyers with successful families and babies on the way. My husband and best friend of 12 years has grown apart from me after 10 years of Fibro nonsense - we've both played a part in it of course, but we've recently decided to get divorced, and I'm terrified of the financial consequences of this. Until 6 months ago, I could only work a part time job for minimum wage and survive with significant help from my husband. To say I'm panicking would be an understatement - thoughts of being unable to afford medications, dr visits, or even pay the bills and eat regularly are swirling through my mind, yet the fibro fog prevents me from really being able to formulate any plan for my future. I am getting through each day as it comes, hoping I'll wake up from my living nightmare to be honest! lol

My only friend is my roommate who is my guardian angel the past few months. My husband and I moved up to this crappy little town in Texas so he could finish his degree and hopefully give us a better life. Little did I realize I'd be dumped at my mother's house as soon as he got a promotion at his current job. He is now moving away and leaving me here with my one friend/roommate and recovering drug addict mother who I never see as she takes care of her permanently disabled boyfriend. I saw this forum and figured I'd take a chance. I'm not the type of person to whine on about things on the internet - I usually don't have the energy to type much anyway. However, I'm in a bit of a crisis mode. The loneliness is overwhelming, and due to my ill health, I am only able to go to work and come home. I veg out on the couch and stare off into space for a few hours while my burning skin and aching body scream at me. Fix some dinner, take meds, go to bed. Rinse, repeat.

It's very hard to socialize or even know how to start having a life again. I'm not sure who I am anymore without my husband. I have no interests (I used to ride my horse for therapy each week, but have had to give him away as my husband left suddenly and I can no longer afford him - it breaks my heart into a million pieces each time I think of this, but that's another novel). After losing my horse and furry friend of almost a decade, I find that I just can't imagine anything making me happy again. I was always active physically before I got sick and found happiness/stress relief in physical activity. I've tried knitting, reading, tv, and it all just makes me feel insane. I hate being stuck inside and I just don't have any interests in cripple crafts as I jokingly call them. My husband spent all our savings without me knowing and I'm just so hurt.The restlessness and loneliness are almost too much to bear. I've been to therapists in the past for depression/anxiety. Nothing helped. Anti depressants did nothing but add side effects to my long list of ailments (and yes I've tried almost all of them). Anxiety meds just turned me into a zombie who was indifferent and emotionless. Talking about my problems with a therapist did nothing but send me home even more unhappy each time, and there isn't enough deep breathing or positive thinking in the world to stop the physical pain from interrupting the good in my life. I can't even focus long enough to meditate (I am a Buddhist). I just become frustrated and burst into tears because I feel like I fail at that too.

I guess I'm in a real pickle. I don't expect anyone here to have a miracle cure for me. I could just use a friend. Even if all I do is listen to you to take my mind off of how messed up things are for me. I really don't know from day to day if I'll be able to continue making money to support myself. I don't know what to do then? I can't even afford my medications for next month or my doctor visit. I do have my roommate and I am grateful for him, but he's very clueless about chronic illness and I'm terrified of scaring off the only person I know in this town by oversharing and constantly asking for help. I guess I just feel lost. Before I got sick, I was 4.0 gpa pre-med in college and full of life /energy / positivity. I feel crushed by everything. I know I will probably get ten posts telling me to go to a therapist or call a suicide hotline, but I can't afford therapy and those hotlines are a joke. I don't want to be committed, I just want energy to be a productive member of society and maybe find a little happiness somewhere in there again. I'm not sure I'll ever be okay with being a sick person.

Ty for listening/reading if you've made it this far. I try to be a good person/friend and I'm not always this blue. I just feel like I'm cursed maybe. And I'm really scared. I guess I feel like all I can really offer is to listen to you in return if you need it. I'd love to have an email or venting buddy for as long as I can afford internet and as long as the spinal fluid condition I have doesn't cause me to lose most of my eyesight again! Lol I laugh so that I don't cry. Fibro fog is setting in and this message is getting long. How did you guys learn to be okay with being ill? I just can't get over my anger and grief at the loss of who I feel I should've been. I had so much to offer - and now all I can do is listen. It just seems like such a waste to end up this way after trying for ten years. My self esteem is definitely in the toilet.
--Ash

Hi, Amanda. Welcome!

It would be a good idea to start your own thread, introducing yourself and putting something like, "New Here," iin the title...that way, people would notice it more.

We'd like to hear your story!

Also, you don't have to copy another post in yours....because we can still refer back to it.

Debbie

Amanda,

Welcome to the forum. Everyone here is very friendly and generally pretty quick to reply to posts. We've all been there where it all just seems like too much.

I am really sorry to hear about everything that has happened to you. Stop in any time to blow off steam. There is always someone on.

Take care of yourself and let us know how things are going.