Can anyone relate?

I broke the tenth commandment today. The one that prohibits coveting anything that belongs to my neighbor. It started with a doctor's appointment. I was explaining to him that I had not claimed my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, that I still had every intention of getting better, of beating this constant pain, fatigue and sleeplessness. He said something, almost under his breath, "Acceptance is ...." I didn't even hear the rest, because my inner voice was screaming. Nobody tells a cancer patient to accept their cancer. They are told to fight, fight to live, fight to beat the multiplying hordes of invading cells. I left his office, frustrated that we would wait another six months to do more testing, frustrated that he didn't share my hope that I could beat this thing. I did what I am wont to do when I need distraction, I visited the library, perusing the shelves half-heartedly, looking for something to lift my spirits. I browsed through the self-help section, thumbing through books with such titles as "100 Ways to Be Happier," "Field Guide to Happiness," and "Humor in Ancient Rome." On an end cap, a helpful librarian had selected a number of books promising to amuse. A bright yellow cover caught my eye; just what I needed. I chuckled my way through the first two chapters, when the book took an unexpected turn with the writer discovering she has advanced breast cancer. I was disappointed because I had hoped for a light hearted escape, but I was surprised by an unexpected emotion. I was jealous, jealous of this woman's misfortune. I was jealous of the outpouring of support, of the prayers, of the knitted caps and the wigs. I wanted my husband to shave my head and then his own in support. I recognize that coveting a fatal illness is absurd. I even recognize that were I to receive this kind of news today, I would immediately want to trade it for the non-fatal chronic pain of fibromyalgia. So here I am, sleepless and aching, the tenth commandment shattered at my feet, confused by my conflicting emotions. In my heart of hearts, I want to fight this thing with my community and doctors supporting me, with my family comforting me. I want to be seen as brave, praised for my good attitude, instead I am invisible, my pain hidden behind a smile. But most of all, I want to get well.

We fight on. I like that.

Boy can I relate to this. Just for once to have someone say don' t you cope well and aren't you great still doing this and that despite all that pain instead of hmm it's nothing, lose a bit of weight and walk/cycle/jog everyday and you would do better you know.
I have been ill from age 25 with chronic back pain and FMS. I am sixty now. I lost my professional job at 39. Been in hospital frequently with out of control pain, on pain killers for ever, blue badge forever, consultant reports confirm my problems over and over,treatments , surgery ( gerd) pain clinics etc etc and still my family dismiss my genuine problems and I get no help sympathy or understanding at all. Just disapproval if I mention being unwell. A family member got non terminal cancer plus flowers cards help sympathy well wishes and even a fun run......which is great but it would be nice if us fibromytes got some of that too. I am lucky. I have one very understanding relative....my husband, the one that matters. Thanks hun. You are the best.