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My mom won't even listen to me. I need advice.

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Fibromyalgia
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Posted 7/2/2012 12:35 AM (GMT -5)

I am 16 years old, and I haven't been diagnosed with fibromyalgia yet, but I'm pretty sure I have it after doing months of research and talking to people (including a close friend whose mom has fibromyalgia). I have been trying to tell my mom what is going on, but every time that I mention pain, she starts screaming at me. She tells me that if I pray, go to church and have more faith, I'll be fine (she is a very strict Christian). I am a Christian, too, but I also believe that I should also get help from a doctor. She has always been like this when it comes to my health. For example, when I was younger I told her that my eyesight was blurry and a doctor told her that I needed glasses, but she wouldn't believe it and just told me to pray. It took me a long time to finally get glasses. Anyways, she took me to my pediatrician and I got my blood drawn. The blood work came back completely normal (which doesn't help in making my mom believe me), but I still have symptoms. I don't know what to do. Any advice???

Posted 7/2/2012 1:06 AM (GMT -5)
Esther,

Welcome! Yes, I have some advice for you. Take a look at the 2nd link on the list here, "Fibro 101." There are lots of topics there with very accurate information, and they are well-researched. There's one called, "Doctors Respond to New York Times Article," which your mother might take seriously (I sure hope so.) There's also a long list of possible symptoms, and an article titled, "What Else Could It Be?"

Having all your bloodwork come back normal is one of the hallmarks of fibromyalgia. It's one of the reasons even some doctors still have a hard time taking us seriously - those who are ignorant about it - but gratefully, that's changing. When I was diagnosed, 20 years ago, I had to go through a slew of doctors before I found one who diagnosed me....I'd never even heard of fibro. That was the beginning of my getting relief - not a cure, of course.

Esther, I know this is hard for you, since your mother doesn't believe that there's a physical basis for what you're going through, but there definitely is! Do you think she would come on the forum and read some of the information, and some of the posts?

Good luck. I'm sure lots of people will want to welcome you.

Debbie
Posted 7/2/2012 4:51 AM (GMT -5)
Hi Esther18,

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I had a mother with many wonderful qualities but one was not compassion. If I was sick, she ignored what I was going through. I longed for her to hear me. One example--that I couldn't be around passive smoke without becoming ill. I was a very sickly child.

My ex-husband, who I was married to for many years, was the same way. (Be careful who you marry someday. I heard we tend to marry a person who treats us like our parents did.) I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia ten years ago. I told my ex how much pain I was in, that my doctor told me I should not do certain household chores like vaccuming--and it was ignored. I eventually divorced him even after going through years off and on of counseling. Why I'm sharing all this with you is I hold no bitterness for what I've been through because it made me what I am today. I have a great deal of compassion for people. I take phenomenal care of myself without the use of medications. (Some meds cause me a lot of side effects and many don't help me.) I use only supplements, I take daily walks and I do prescribed stretches twice a day. I watch what I eat. I don't eat trigger foods like sugar, high-fat foods, chocolate, wheat products, dairy, and caffiene. I try to eat very healthy. People tell me I inspire them to take better care of themselves.

It's going to be more difficult for you at this time to be under your mother's roof. You won't have as much control taking care of yourself for example of what you eat. I would suggest you try to do well in school so you can get a good job someday and be out on your own. 

Perhaps you could speak with your school's counselor in the meantime about your situation?

Good luck to you and welcome to the forum.

Post Edited (almost medfree) : 7/2/2012 6:14:07 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/2/2012 9:31 AM (GMT -5)
Is your pastor a compasionate person? Can you talk to him/her? Or would they just tell you to "pray about it"? Maybe s/he could talk to your mom and get through to her?

If not, its time to talk to somebody at school. They can get you help. This could be called child abuse.

Good luck
Posted 7/2/2012 4:13 PM (GMT -5)
Esther, I am very sorry to hear about what you are going through. I was also very sickly throughout my early chidhood and teenage years. Fortunately, I had a mother and a doctor would listen to me. However, this was many years before they had any idea what Fibromyalgia, actually was, so we were treating symptoms without actually getting at the cause.

Alot of the treatment for fibro involves self care. As someone else mentioned, getting enough sleep and eating right are very important, as is exercise. I am sure that you can find stretching exercises online that would help you. Some people find swimming and other types of water exercise helpful.

In addition to the suggestions in the previous 2 posts, I wonder if your school nurse might be helpful in explaining the situation to your mother?
Posted 7/2/2012 10:29 PM (GMT -5)
Esther, I am so sorry that you are going through this trial! Being under your parents care changes what all you can do for yourself. You mention that your mother doesn't take you seriously. Is your father in your life and would he listen to your health concerns?

Your struggle is one of my hot button issues, so I am going to tread very carefully so as not to offend. Yes God can and does heal. Sometimes it is in this lifetime and sometimes He chooses not to. Please understand that if your faith is only as large as a mustard seed, it is enough faith.

We have examples in the bible of people that were ill from birth and were fully restored and it had nothing to do with sin in their lives or in their parent's lives. We have examples of followers of Christ that died (Lazarus) Christ chose to raise him form the dead, but he had to go through all of that for the miracle after death. We see the woman that had the issue of blood for all of her adult life.... Please just know that your illness is not necessarily dependant on your spiritual life. We live in a fallen world and illness is part of the curse that was pronounced upon mankind when Adam and Eve chose to eat of the forbidden fruit. Illness is a part of living in the here and now.

God allows doctors to be there to lessen our suffering. I hope your parents will see your concerns and help you seek the help that you feel you need.
Posted 7/3/2012 12:24 AM (GMT -5)
Esther- If you think you might have Fibromalgia talk with your mother. Most of your symptoms don't show up in blood work. Education makes a huge difference once you show them. Continue to educate yourself as much as possible. You might have to go on your own to get a diagnoses from a Dr. that specializes in Fibromalgia. If you feel like you have it, seek proper diagnoses. It would benefit you so much while you are young. You can learn ways to manage fibro at an early age. I could remember the days my husband would pray over me. He couldn't understand why I was not getting better. It took education on his part and mine to make a much healthier me. I do use spiritual meditation as a coping skill.
Posted 7/6/2012 12:40 PM (GMT -5)

Hi, Esther, and welcome!  You have gotten wonderful advice already so I think I will just share a story with you that you could share with your Mom.  Your Mom loves you so much and loves God, too, and is trying to do what is right for you.

 

I am a Christian that believes in divine healing.  I've seen it happen but it hasn't happened for me.  I feel that God is using me to help others! 

 

I also have a disease called Crohn's disease.  It became very severe over twenty years ago and I was told I needed to have my colon removed because I was bleeding so badly that they had to keep giving me blood transfusions.  Boy!  What a dilemma that was.  I prayed my heart out, my pastor and Christian friends prayed with me, I honestly thought I would receive that divine healing, but it didn't happen.  Weeks went by, more blood transfusions, and coming to the realization that I could die from this illness added to the confusion. 

 

Then I realized that there are many Christian doctors out there, too, that are helping others.  God created them, also.  Luke in the Bible was a doctor and wrote two books in the New Testament and Paul referred to his friend as "Luke, the beloved physician."  So, I decided to go ahead with the surgery.  The surgeon I was given was world-renowned!  He did a magnificent job and I was back on my feet in a little over a week and a half...doing Christmas shopping at the mall, no less! 

 

To me, this proved that God definitely is in control.  Sometimes we do get a divine healing and sometimes we get our healing through doctors and medicine.  I believe in both.  Things worked out too perfectly for me so I know God was "running the show".  

 

Maybe if you tell your Mom this story she will think about it, too.  It's so difficult when you are suffering from things people cannot see but it's there nevertheless.  

 

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.  Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you.  Hope to hear more from  you soon. 

 

Sherrine 

Posted 7/6/2012 11:15 PM (GMT -5)
Hi Esther,

Hello, and welcome!! I wishs I could give additional advice, but after reading what Sherrine juse wrote, all I could do was smile and nod my head. I could not put it anyother way. I too am a Christian, and I believe in both devine healing, and healing from doctors that are given their healing hands from GOD. I will be praying for you also.


Gental Hugs,

Monica
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