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Should I have kids?

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Posted 5/26/2017 10:37 PM (GMT -5)
Hi everyone,

This isn't so much an exact question as it is my rambling thoughts and concerns.

I am recently married and am considering whether I would like to have children in the future. Not now, as I am still in uni and getting on top of my new health conditions, but later on. I have many conditions which I feel would adversely impact on my ability to be a good mother, and yet I dearly long to be a mother and would do my best to be a good one.

I am also concerned about the possibility of passing on my genetic tendencies to my children, yet at the same time I know that it is possible to live a full life despite health problems. I note that we are both interested in adopting a child, however my husband would also like to try for our own child as well. I also would like my own child but fear the genetic consequences.

What factors do you think are important to consider as we wonder whether or not to have children?

Thanks in advance.
Posted 5/27/2017 7:48 AM (GMT -5)
No one knows what the future holds for them so why worry about that? Worrying causes stress and that causes more pain. I realize you are trying to think ahead but no one can say if your children would develop any of your health problems.

I have three children and two of them are only 15 months apart. It was like raising twins. My oldest child had just turned four three weeks before my last baby was born. Now, look at my signature and see all the illnesses I have and several are autoimmune illnesses. My Crohn's disease kicked in when I started having my children. I flared frequently which meant I had nearly constant diarrhea and was running to the bathroom on average of 25 times a day. I was also quite anemic because of this. Then fibro entered the picture.

I took good care of myself, paced myself and worked around my problems to be a good Mom to my children. We had all the birthday parties, I was a room mother every year, I sat at baseball, soccer, and football games. The football games were on cold bleachers in the snow, I might add. Then there are the piano concerts and the orchestra and band concerts. My youngest daughter just mentioned the other day how I was always at all of their functions even though I had chronic pain and other things. I'm not trying to brag here. I'm just showing you that you can overcome a lot of problems if you put your mind to it.

My children were midway through their childhood when the Crohn's got very bad and I was hemorrhaging. I had to have major surgery and have my colon removed at 42 years old. Now I had to learn how to deal with that too. Then two years later I developed autoimmune inner ear disease which made me deaf in the range of sound that is necessary for speech. I had to learn how to lip read now. But I faced these problems head one and moved forward with my life. My kids never suffered one moment because of what was going on in my life. I made sure of that. The problems are mine...not my childrens'.

A positive frame of mind is necessary. I never think I can't do something. I have taken the word "can't" out of my vocabulary. If I want to do something I figure out the most comfortable way of doing it and rarely do I have great difficulty and I expect to be able to do things. I don't question my physical ability.

Being a mother is hard work but I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I miss when my children were young. I miss sitting at all of this sporting events watching my kids participate. My children are now 43, 40, and 39 years old. None of them are sick. None of them have any of the health issues that I deal with and I'm thankful about that. But, if they were to develop them down the road. I could help them along. Besides, they witnessed first hand how I dealt with my problems.

There are no guarantees in life but life definitely is worth living. I've had illnesses all of my life...starting as a toddler. If I could do life all over again, even with these illnesses, I would do it in a heartbeat! There are too many wonderful things in life to let a few negative things keep you from enjoying your life. Children are the very best! My children are so precious to me and I can't imagine life without them. I now get to watch them enjoy their lives. They are all very compassionate adults too because they saw me dealing with health problems. They are very special children and I'm sure yours will be too if you decide to have children. They will be the bright spot in your life.

Sherrine
Posted 5/27/2017 8:43 AM (GMT -5)
Hi Sherrine,

Thank you very much. That was very helpful. I do greatly look forward to being a mother one day smile

Your attitude is very good; I should adopt that kind of attitude towards my uni studies, which I have been struggling to be positive about recently. So thank you.

Lilianna
Posted 5/28/2017 9:59 AM (GMT -5)
Hi,

I had fibro symtoms as a child, but was diagnosed in my 30's, after i had my two daughters..

My doc helps me about 50per cent and studying and finding ways to self help is the other 50.

Raised my kids, did volunteer work..i was often tired and had to pace myself..but we raised two amazing women.

Whether we are sick or well, we can still only take life a day at a time..and enjoy each day.

I cannot take many meds so topical pain relievers really help me a lot..and corvalen m always helped me with fatigue.

I did ok until my vit d got too low..that made the fibro so much worse..so just a heads up , track that..its a place you do not need to go..

Lj
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