Almost about to BREAK!!!

I am caring for my dad, he is in End Stage Liver Failure, plus has liver cancer, Im almost convinced it has spread to the bones. But anyway, the last 2 days he has ABSOLUTLEY drove me CRAZY!!!!!!! He is on home hospice, and I feel very guilty feeling the way I do. He takes MS. Contin 100 mg every 8 hrs, then in between that he takes Roxonal 20 mg, with 1 mg of Ativan, his amonia level is elevated and wont take reccomended dose of lactulose. He is INTO EVERYTHING, worse than having a 2 yr on steriods!!!!! He told me tonight he was going to knock my darn head off, just because I was trying to help him. He is aggitated, frustrated, confused and HIGH ! I love him, and I so wish he was well, but hes not and not going to be until The Good Lord calls him home. I keep asking myself how much longer will this last?? I wish he would just go. I know he wouldnt want to be like this. He lost 18 lbs in one week, hes not eating. He stays cold all the time, he falls asleep constantly. and Im just curious he had so much edema and now its all gone!! They took him off almost all of his meds, n whats strange is since then his b/p is fairly good its normally 80's/50's  and its been in low 100's/70-60's  I just know how much longer I can do this, he is wearing me out!!! He cant be left alone period. Then he tried to drive last night on top of everything else! Wanting to go get a beer! Which I took him and let him get a 6 pack, his doctor said let him have whatever he wants, soooooo.... i know its gonna hurt me soooooooo badly but OMG Im ready for my life to get back to normal!! Im missing my childrens school events/sports ect.... because I have to be here with him, and at night Im not spending time with them cuz I have to sit out in his day room with him because he could fall asleep with cig in hand and burn us all down! Sorry people>>>> I just had to say it...... I just feel horriable for feeling the way I do but Im ready for a new chapter in my life.....

Heartbroken & Torn & Frustrated

I thought thats where I was at, I really get confused on this site, kinda hard to move around. He will open a beer and maybe drink half sometimes not even that. I think its just the thought of having it there. What do ya do when the doctors sit right there and told him do what ya want, ur time is limited and if it will make u happy the have a beer.

Goodmorning to you all, dad is still asleep. Im praying that today is a MUCH better day! Can anyone tell me, dad is no longer taking blood pressure med (to increase) and he hits n miss on taking his diuretics and his b/p are fairly good and his edem is about a 1+ pitting , where it was a 4-5+ pitting. I dont understand why the drastic change when his condition has worsen. Has anyone experienced this??