My dad has esld...alcoholic cirrhosis

Oh my heart aches for you. For your mother, and entire family.
I am so deeply sorry.
He will always be with you.
Zoarie

You have been such a caring daughter. I am sorry to hear this news Thinking of your family. Big Hugs

SS,

Sounds like your Dad was and is prepared to leave this physical life. However sad you feel, try to remember all the good times, and this part will soon become a distant memory.

I took a passage from the palliative care booklet when my Mom passed, "gone from my sight, that is all". It is now on her headstone.

Gone From My Sight
by Henry Van ****

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

_____________________________________________

I hope this helps. I'm so sorry, you are such a loving, compassionate daughter which no doubt comes from your parents. We hope you continue to contribute here in the forum when things settle down in your life. You are a welcome asset here and have a lot to share.

Peace to you and your whole family, especially Dad.

Huge hugs,
Mae

Oh S&S, I understand it's hard to see right now, but your family has been given a precious gift - your Dad is alert enough that he can communicate a bit and also you KNOW he can hear you - treasure that. I didn't get that at the end with Robert and I would have given my soul if I could have. My heart is with you, your Dad, and your entire family.

I believe you are doing the right thing. You and your family know your Dad and what he would want. When Robert was in his coma, I wanted him to live so badly that I refused to consider any other outcome. I refused to sign his DNR. The doctors tried explaining why I should 'let him go', nurses spoke with me, people from Robert's church, friends, family....but I didn't want to hear any of it. Then one night as I was sitting with Robert and talking to him about our life together (I talked to him a LOT!), I suddenly realized that it was MY selfish love that wanted/needed him here - HE had battled long enough and he was tired. Robert hung on in that coma longer than anyone they'd seen before with his vitals/lab numbers. I signed the DNR and he left me a couple days later.

Of course you want your Dad to stay. And of course you are going to second-guess your decision - you're human and you love your Dad. I'm sure he did what was best for you and your siblings while you were growing up - and now you all are doing what's best for him. You are in my thoughts and prayers......

SS, This is the one thing that bothers me to this day. The end of a life. I've learned to cope with it but it still gets to me. I try and see the bigger picture in the generations that follow when a loved one like your dad leaves us. I don't know your Dad or you but I believe anyone that puts forth the effort, concern and love that you have displayed here says alot about who he is. Then, there is the following generations who you will plant those seeds of compassion into. Your father will live forever in the hearts of generations he may not have ever gotten the chance to see even in a normal lifetime. Get some rest and take care of mom.



Ziff

This is our story: my dad and I. I am 41 years old, my step dad just turned 56. My mom is 62 (guess she liked the younger man hehe).

When I was born my real father was a heroin addict, a stripper and an abuser to my most amazing precious mom. She is the nicest person you would ever meet. When I was 6 months old my mom decided she could not take the physical abuse anymore and me, my sister and mom moved in with my grandparents to have a better life. Wow, I had the best childhood anyone could ask for. My real dad was never in my life, my mom and grandma protected us from him.

When I turned 12, I will never forget this day, we were all at my aunts, my mom came in with this guy, and I sat on his lap and looked up at him and said " will you be my dad?" He responded, yes I will be your dad. This is Lyle my step father, who never liked children or had any of his own, and he took my sister and I under his wing. I will say it wasn't always happy as everyone goes through ups and downs especially as teenagers, I had a bit of jealousy issues when I was young, but he took us in like his own.

My dad I call him "Ly" sometimes papa hehe, he thinks that's cute. Was always there for me, when my car broke down, or I needed him to pick me up on the side of the highway cause I ran out of gas (I was a teenager at the time and who cared about gas in the car haha). If I needed anything to be fixed, it was always him to the rescue. He was also my meteorologist, my mom and I would giggle because he never missed the news and if I needed to know the upcoming weather he would know. He would take us fishing, camping, we would have bonfires out on their 7 acres of property with good friends and family, he took me for quad rides, out for dinners as a family and most importantly would put me in my place when I did something wrong hehe.

8 years ago he wasn't feeling well, after many many years of drinking, he was not an abusive alcoholic at all, just for a bit grumpy at times. 8 years ago when he came back from the doctor I saw a piece of paper on the table and it stated "cirrhosis" he never told us, so I talked to my mom about this and I did research to what cirrhosis was. We talked to him about it, and he didn't want to talk. That was the beginning of many years, of trying to get him to stop drinking, he would get so mad at us the second we said anything. He is a stubborn man and what he wants to do He will do.

2 years ago was the start of the downhill spiral, he had a bleed out from his esophagus, they didn't think he was going to make it then. He then quit drinking for 6 months because he didn't feel well enough to drink. He then got his strength back and started on the beers again, many many a day, started at 10 am until supper :(

His anxiety was so bad he could hardly drive, he would throw up every morning, his legs would give out on him, as my mom would pick him up for the hundred times she has done that.

January 31, 2014 was my dad's last drink, he went pure yellow, the HE crept in and the ambulance and hospital visits started. He lost 80 pounds of his usual muscular manly body. He started losing his voice, sore throat, pain in stomach, ascites, many trips to get drained, the most I remember was 11 litres he couldn't even walk.

May 4, 2014 my dad has his liver transplant evaluation, and he denied transplant, to this day I don't know why, but my mom said he didn't want one. I'm sure he would rather give it to someone else, because he knew he did this to himself. He did tell us 2 years ago he was going to die soon.

June 18, 2014 dad fell down stairs and was trying to drink water out of the candy dish, didn't know where he was or doing, very confused but different than the normal HE episodes. This time something was different. Ambulance came that day and as we struggled with him to always go to the hospital before, this time he said he knew he had to go. After 5 days of pokes and prods, it was too much for him, we could tell he didn't want that anymore as he told my mom no more of anyone touching him, yesterday we decided comfort care only, he has hepatorenal syndrome his pee is bloody and dark brown, the lactalose is not working anymore, no bowel movements. I pray and hope my dad is at peace.

That's our story in a nutshell. My son just turned 13. My step dad absolutely loved my son very much.

SS, Thanks for sharing that story. I'm a Step dad although I do have a daughter of my own also. Love them all the same as if they were my own. As far as telling him about going home. Well, You could say that he needs medical attention until he gets to feelin better. When the doctors feel he can come home safely he will.


Ziff

My name is jodi and this has been the longest week of my life.

My dad is still with us, I just got home from the hospital, I was there all week with my mom. Wow, I can't even begin to explain what has happened. In a nutshell, I've heard the "death rattle" I didn't like it, but it still stayed in the room with my mom and sister. It has been a roller coaster I can't even remember which day my dad started coming out of his coma, I think Monday. He has hepatorenal syndrome, pneomonia, fluid on his lungs, lots of twitching, was up straight for 2 days, had a scare last night, he was choking and couldn't catch his breath. The doctor made him feel better. His pee is pure red as he has a catheter in. He is in palliative care at the hospital.

I told everyone he is a cat, sure has 9 lives!!!!! The doctors couldn't believe it, when he started coming out of the coma. The only thing I don't like is he was very scared yesterday, today he is not as much agitated and scared. I've sat by him and rubbed his legs he loves that, his legs are so sore from being in the hospital bed for a week. Today he is in and out of it, his breathing is very wheezy and his cough sounds mucousy.

From here, we don't know what is going to happen, we just want to keep him comfortable and not afraid. We are with him most of the time. He stares all over place and does not miss anyone walking by the hallway as he is in the first room closest to the nurses station.

I don't know what to think or what's going to happen, the emotions are so high right now. One day he isn't going to make it and then the next he is awake.

When he coughs hard a little blood comes out of his nose. Does anyone know what we should expect from here???

Jodi, I am relieved you posted and have been able to spend time with your Dad. I have thought about you and your family since you last posted. I think the not knowing is such a difficult part of this disease. I don't have any answers, but wanted to let you know you and your family are in my daily thoughts right now. Big Hugs,

Jodi,

I'm so sorry you have to witness this terrible illness with your dad. I don't think you want any sugar-coating, so I will just tell you the truth as I see it.

He is in his final stage of life, you knew that. It's very hard on the family, but hospice is keeping dad comfortable. He will be hyper-vigilant at times, that's probably the medicine. I would venture that is what he is experiencing, I don't think he would be afraid. You keep rubbing his legs, try some lotion if it helps. That IS something you can do to make him more comfortable.

As things DO become problematic or uncomfortable for Dad, they will give him morphine, or some other type of heavy duty pain killer. He will then sleep for the most part...he may have some wakeful times, but he won't be in any pain. The more they give him to take the edge off, the quieter he will become, and then he will quietly slip away into his next, pain-free life.

He knows you are there, he can hear you, though may not be able to respond. It sounds like the end is near Jodi. I hope you can find peace, I'm sure your Dad would want that for you too. You are a such sweet, devoted daughter. God bless you and your family.

Biggest Hugs,
Mae

Thank you Mae, no I don't want any sugar coating, we are just grateful we had this week with him. He is starting to go back into a coma I think. I just spoke with my mom, his pupils are very dilated. At this point, I want my dad to go peacefully in his sleep.

I did find out that he has had NO pain medication as of yet, I was wrong in one of my other posts. His doctor will be there tonight and assess him. Also, his tongue has white bumps all over it, is that a reaction from the antibiotic? We are going to ask that something be given to help that as well. The only complaint he has is his legs are bothering him so bad, and of course hating the lactalose, he is still taking it, they didn't stop it, just in case he would get better. Today he was in and out of consciousness, looking around at everything.

Thank you for always helping me everyone.