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I am so done with this!!!!!!!!!

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Posted 7/9/2009 1:48 AM (GMT -5)
I just don't feel like I can do this anymore. I have been on IVs for ten months and I am not feeling much improvement. In fact I feel like I have taken 50 steps backwards. I just want to curl up into a ball and never wake up. I cannot deal. I cannot feel nauseas for one more minute. I am tired of Lyme screwing up my blood sugars (I am a type one diabetic-insulin dependent). I AM TIRED AND I CANT FIGHT ANY OF THIS! I don't feel like anything is getting better. I quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sad, frustrated and lonely. I hate feeling like I am going to fall asleep and never wake. I hate that I lash out on my family for no particular reason. I AM SOOOOOO TIRED of explaining to people what Lyme disease is. I just want this to all me over yet I dont even have a glimpse of hope. Shouldn't I start feeling betting after ten months on IVs. I have my pump tubing and my port a cath and for a 25 year old I feel so UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now I have bells palsy. My boyfriend probably thinks I am so ugly!! Even though we have been together for over five years I am sure he probably still thinks it. I HATE my life. I am so sick of crying. I am so sick of nobody understanding. And at this point I really do not think it is going to get any better. I JUST WANT TO QUIT! shakehead
Posted 7/9/2009 2:04 AM (GMT -5)
ShelM,

Hi hun.plz dont give up. maybe you need to talk to your Dr and see about trying something different if this isnt working for you. there just has to be anothing option open to you.

my hearts goes out to you, and i will add you in my prayers. stay strong in sprit, as this will pull you thro.
Posted 7/9/2009 2:22 AM (GMT -5)
Ya...I am seeing my Doctor on Saturday and I hope that there is something else that he can put me on that does not make me feel so sick. But dealing with all the mental issues and depression is so hard. Especially when nobody understands what you are going through. You know it is not like we can say oh I have cancer...and then everyone gets it. But I believe it is just as crappy of a feeling. One time my doctor said you feel sick because it is like you are going through chemo. She said I am killing off the bacteria and it is making you feel sick you are just not losing your hair. I just hate feeling sick. I just want my life back. I want to be like all of my friends. They are all beginning their lives and mine feels like it is ending. It is just so much to handle. I guess I just wish I felt some hope...instead of wanting to give up.

Like a couple weeks ago I was in Hawaii with my family and I could not be in the sun because I got bad rashes from the antibiotics. So I spent a lot of time in my room. How depressing is that. I couldn't even enjoy Hawaii because of STUPID Lyme. But of course nobody in my family wanted to miss out on it so I would sit alone. It just makes me so sad. I just want it to be over.

I know everyone here understands these feelings and that is why I am reaching out because nobody in my life really gets it. AND IT IS JUST SOOOO HARD!
Posted 7/9/2009 2:45 AM (GMT -5)
i understand you fullwell as i am in the same boat, my family and friends know i'm sick, but they think you take a round of pills and you better. you lucky you are in treatment and you should be. its great to have the support of your Dr too. i wish i had that. belive it or not tho. my neighbor who has CLD is going thro chemo for the 3nd time now, this is how bad she is.

no i wouldnt wish LD on anyone, its a evil disease that not only takes our minds and bodies, but our family and freinds sometimes. all we can do is pray that the 30th with be a day of chace for the world to see and take note lyme is out there and its not going away anytime soon.

you are among friends here tho. so hold your head up high and smile lot you have a privit joke and no one else knows what it is....

its how much stronger you are then they know.

if you care to share your email i will send you a letter i got tonight that was so beautiful. its worth shareing and very uplifting. or at least it was to me.

reach out all you need we are here for you :)

¤°´¯Warm.¤*¨*¤(¯`´¯)¤*¨*¤.Hugs¯`°¤.
Posted 7/9/2009 2:49 AM (GMT -5)
can I share my email to you privately?? Because I would love to do so!
Posted 7/9/2009 2:51 AM (GMT -5)
you may email me if you like then i will reply to your like click on to the right side it will show up
Posted 7/9/2009 2:54 AM (GMT -5)
ShelM,

RD is still up. Go ahead and send your email addy:)

Oops, sorry RD. We were replying at the same time, LOL.
Posted 7/9/2009 3:42 AM (GMT -5)
lol CG
Posted 7/9/2009 3:59 AM (GMT -5)
Duh! LOL.
Posted 7/9/2009 5:25 AM (GMT -5)
Hi ShelM,

I really feel for you as I remember my dark days of being so very sick and like you, I was just waiting to go to sleep and not wake up either.   And like you my family didn't want to hear about lyme disease.  I felt so alone, no one understood what I was feeling and it left me feeling so isolated. 

But I got better and you will too!   How I got better was very different from the protocol you are using. 

I remember when I first joined a different lyme forum, members talked about detoxing and I thought they were nuts!  I said to myself "what does detoxing have to do with lyme?"  Didn't make any sense to me at that time.   But they kept posting and saying how much it helped them so I said to myself "oh what the #$##?"  Let me try it and see what in the world they are talking about, and so I did.   Golly gee, I started to feel better! 

Looking back now I understand the importance of how toxins can make a person feel 100 times worse.   I wish I understood that back then when I was in pain and felt so darn sick.  

My view is try detoxing, what do you have to lose except toxins?

Hang in there okay? 

Denise

Posted 7/9/2009 9:11 AM (GMT -5)
ShElm - This disease is hard. It's hard on the body, mind, psychie, spiritual life, family life, etc. I've been where you are at and made it through and so can you.

Hope this helps.
Posted 7/9/2009 1:20 PM (GMT -5)
shel, i sent you the letter. it should help lift your sprit. i wish i was able to post it in here for all to see. i hope your doing better today tho.

¤°´¯BIG.¤*¨*¤(¯`´¯)¤*¨*¤.Hugs¯`°¤.
Posted 7/9/2009 5:43 PM (GMT -5)
You dont know how many times I feel that exact same way,I have called my mom telling her I just cant do this anymore!!But we have to hang in there!! We need to vent here if we have to!! SOmetimes this is the only place to vent becuase noone else understands at all!!God I wish I could heal everyone here! Anitbiotics havent been helping me either so I must try something else! We must keep marching and try diferent things untill something gives us relief!! I pray for everyone here!!

Mel

Posted 7/14/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -5)
Dear Shelm,

I understand how you feel and what you are going through. Take this opportunity to try to educate your friends and family that this is a serious and debilitating disease and how it destroys every aspect of your life. This is what I am doing, trying to educate others on how misunderstood this disease is. I have included this link.

http://www.ilads.org/files/2008/Top_ten_tips_5_10_08.pdf

Perhaps it will be a good start for you to email your family and friends. It can start to give them a perspective in the suffering one endures with LD.

Tell everyone about the documentary Under Our Skin. If you don't have it, buy it and make every one of your family and friends watch it. Once the see it they will surely have a better understanding of what it is you are going through. I can hear you from you saying, "yeah, right, how do you know?"

I've done this with my family and friends and they were blown away, and they all said I had no idea this could happen. It actually made them scared and made them realize that this is a very serious problem.

Please don't give up. You are not alone. Everyone here cares about you and feels for you.
And understand this, Shelm, you will be in my prayers. I will pray that God will give you the strength to get through this and the ability to find peace and love to fill your heart.
Posted 7/14/2009 10:59 PM (GMT -5)
Shelm,

How are you doing? You received good advice from some great people above.

I'm so sorry I didn't see your post and respond sooner. I feel exactly like you do at times and can relate to every thing you wrote. It's extremely difficult at times to want to go on but there is hope. Please don't ever forget that. When I read that others on here have greatly improved and are doing well it gives me a tremedous amount of much needed hope. I'm not only thrilled for them but know if it was possible for them, it's also possible for me. We just have to hang in there and know in our hearts that it will eventually happen for us too.

I also often get very angry and frustrated over others not understanding what we are going through and how sick we are but this forum is a blessing.

This is a place where we can come and know that others can fully understand and relate to what we are going through and feeling. It can be a very lonely disease but you're not alone. We are here for you.

I'm on iv's also and wanted to mention to you that I was recently told about others who were on iv's for over a year with no improvement at all and then suddenly it all kicked in. If I remember correctly, the magic month was 15 for one person and 18 for another. Hopefully, it will happen much sooner for you but don't give up thinking it won't. It's just a matter of sticking with it until it does.

Hang in there and don't ever forget that we are only a click away. Hopefully, you will be posting your success story soon and giving others hope.
Posted 7/15/2009 3:16 AM (GMT -5)
Shelm,

I've been wanting to respond to you and tell you my expreiences but my brain has not been working too good lately. I would however like to know how you are doing?
Posted 7/17/2009 12:10 AM (GMT -5)
I have been doing better lately. I am still not feeling well, but I feel a little bit more hopeful. I went to my doctor this weekend and he is taking me off my antibiotics for a couple months. I am going to start detoxing and I am really looking forward to it. I also am excited to be off IVs because they really get me down mentally. I think I was feeling so sick from all the built up toxins and I cannot wait to get rid of them.

Thank you all for all of you supportive words and encouragement. It is really nice to come to this little sanctuary and know that there are people who can relate to exactly how I feel.

I have not cried since Monday...so YAY!

I am going to be doing biofeedback...lymphatic massages...dry brushing...detox baths...etc. Has anyone done any of these?
Posted 7/17/2009 12:46 AM (GMT -5)
Hi ShelM,

i do the detox baths and they seem to help a lil. but i havent much in the way of treatment so there may not be much doxins in me to remove.

it is great your doing better, keep it up :)

¤°´¯BIG.¤*¨*¤(¯`´¯)¤*¨*¤.Hugs¯`°¤.
Posted 7/17/2009 12:59 AM (GMT -5)
Shelm,

the detox baths really work and I have heard alot of good things about biofeedback and lymphatic messages. I've heard the infared portable sauna is good too. I'm going to break down and get one when my husban gets paid again.

I also want to say that I'm so glad you are doing better. I kept wanting to post something to you but couldn't think straight.
Posted 7/17/2009 8:14 AM (GMT -5)
Sorry I saw this late. I am so pleased that you are feeling better! I am just going to start the dry brushing and detox baths in earnest. I hear that the dry brushing is great to do right before the bath. Good luck. After detoxing hopefully, things will be even brighter.
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