I'm an IDIOT!! enough said! i will never learn my lesson

Wow, James, reading your post I am sad that you are in such turmoil but I feel incapable of helping other than to offer a few casual observations. Starting at the end of your post, the rule of thumb you refer to would work if you wanted to get out of the relationship previously and she let you go out of love for you and then you came back to her because you realized she was the one for you. From what you say that is not your situation.

When I am in turmoil about something in my life, the absolute most helpful thing I can do is to listen to myself. If you read your post as an outsider, the answer you seek is in there. Then it's a matter of deciding what to do about it.

Best of luck to you and happy to hear that you are living well with the Lyme.

Rose

she asked how i've been with the lyme since we parted. i just told her i'm getting by and i'm alot better than i was before.. that was about it, i learned my lesson, i'm not going to talk about all my problems and symptoms to anyone really.. Nobody really cares about what you think is wrong with you.. She doesn't add any stress in my life, the only stress i have is not being with her, I would be stress free if we got back together. She was my best friend before all of this, and i'm trying to work on that friendship still.. its just hard not being able to tell her i love her and miss her still.. i just have way to much pride.. i think i will probably ask her if she wants to hang out soon and see how that goes..i just don't want to back track and get hurt all over again.. but i want to throw my cards out there, and if its meant to be, it will happen.. if not, this would be enough closure for me..

I agree. The friendship part is the most important. You want someone that knows you inside and out. They should know the good and the bad and still love you. You want to be able to tell this person anything and be able to rely on them and trust them. My husband and I are best friends and we've been married for 15 years.

James, Im nervous for you. I soooo want this to work out because I can tell that you truly love her. I know that you will do what you want in the end but please don't forget what she did. I know that everyone makes mistakes and we all deserve second chances but please be careful. You definitely don't need to go through the stress again. Make sure she is there for YOU and not because she thinks you're well and getting a house.

I hope I don't upset you for saying that. I just don't want to see you hurt again.

thanks for the replies!

i have no idea on what course to take, my heart tells me to leap foward and take another risk, but my mind is telling me to think real hard before you travel down this road again.

i'm feeling better, i have good and bad days still, but i'm living with it. I just feel more confident now, since i'm out looking for a home and feel like i have my head on straight again.. i just wanted to let her know in a sneaky way, that i'm progressing to a better future with or without her... I kinda wanted her to feel like what did i lose before... I never have mentioned this to her, or have told her my feelings yet. we talked tonight for about an hr on the phone, i can tell she is interested again, i asked her if she wanted to hang out, she said yes...this made me nervous!!

i honestly think she might see that i'm the future, and i will be a good husband and will support her... I told her before when we was together, that the timing of us was a little off, if she was around when i first bought my first home, things would've been different.. i was ready for something serious, she didn't come along until after a year after the house purchase, by that time, i was just happy being me and single.. now she sees that i want a house to raise a family in... Its so hard to let go of someone you loved, and now she is back in my life and i feel weird and anxious about it.. i would want to commit to her and let her know its you and me, and not play any games like before... but if i get sick again, what would happen? who knows, only time will tell... i was almost over her, now i'm going backwards...wow!! Love is a crazy thing, its makes us do all sort of things we would never do if we were single.

James you sound like a wonderful caring person, and you deserve a wonderful caring person in return. You deserve to be with someone who loves you for whom you are not who they want you to be.
If you can't be yourself what good is the relationship? I can tell you from experience that people usually don't change, they can act like they did in the beginning but then the true side of that person shows itself again. Why waste your time with a person who felt you were not good for her, she had no contact with you for three months and did not call you when her last relationship was over you called her. Maybe she is feeling lonely now and your filling that void? Is that what you want? I'm sorry I am being so up front about this but the truth is people don't change they really don't and you should be with a woman who loves you for you, with all your up's and downs all of it. I hope you give yourself the chance to really find true love with someone who can make you totally happy. Someone you never have to feel doubt with or feel like you can't trust them. Be good to yourself James.. Hope I didn't say anything wrong here that wasn't my intent. I wish you health and Happiness.
Maria