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Need to talk - Christmas alone, Lyme rage

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Posted 12/25/2009 6:37 PM (GMT -5)
Hi,

I would really love it if anyone could write anything back ...

I am taking Bicillin shots (moved up to 4 a week this week) which help but I might be herxing from them. I feel fine most of the time but if I get angry it gets really, really bad.

What happened just now: I got really mad at my boyfriend (who is with his extended family) that he didn't call me before 6pm my time on Christmas, when I am alone in our house (too sick to fly home).

Then he got really mad at me for getting mad at him, I lost control and shrieked a lot, and then he said he doesn't like having me in his life because of the Lyme rage, etc etc

Finally, when he saw how upset I was (I am so scared of him leaving me after almost 5 years due to lyme rage), he tried to comfort me and I guess the rest of the day will be ok. But I am still feeling so regretful about how this happened on Christmas. Lyme rage has no respect!

Post Edited (RainBaby) : 12/25/2009 5:25:35 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/25/2009 8:22 PM (GMT -5)
You are so right about Lyme rage having no respect!!
I have had 'the pleasure' of Lyme rage 3 times in my life so far & it ain't pretty!!!
The one thing it has taught me though is how to effectively apologize! I am very fortunate to have a husband that can grasp that there are things that I can't control in my life.

I don't believe that anyone who has not had to live with this disease can truly understand some of the things we have to live with. We can not blame them, heck!! we don't understand it ourselves sometimes!!!

I also recommend heavily that you detox. There are many good detox 'recipes' - if you will- in the sticky at the top of the forum "New to Lyme?"
Hope this helps a little!
Posted 12/25/2009 9:15 PM (GMT -5)
Hi Rainbaby,

I hope you feel better by now. I know exactly how you feel because I have it too. It is very hard to control. I am lucky too that I have a husband that understands but it's still hard for him. Sometimes I say things I don't mean and find myself aplogizing a lot.

Maybe you can sit down with him and let him read the symptoms of Lyme Disease or take him with you to your doctors appointment. It may help him understand better.
Posted 12/25/2009 9:36 PM (GMT -5)
Sometimes I am so unreasonable I have to give myself a "time out." Being alone for awhile helps me gain perspective. I hope you are feeling better.

Rose
Posted 12/26/2009 8:46 AM (GMT -5)
I know how you feel. It is hard on everyone. Christmas was a happy day for our family culminating with going to the movies. My husband drove home and his driving scared me which set me off attacking him. Perfectly nice day shot down and I hardly slept all night. It is so hard to keep a lid on emotions sometimes.

It is very sad to spend Christmas alone. I would have been angry too that he did not think how important it must be to you to have him call early in the day. My son had a similar incident with his girlfriend who thought he was not thoughtful enough. They were fighting about it prior to Christmas and my son did not buy her a present. I escorted him to the store Christmas Eve to make sure he got her something nice. He calmed down and realized how much he cared about her. We all get into emotional ruts and take it out on each other but we need to recognize each other's needs. You had every right to expect him to call you Christmas day and he should be equally sorry. Don't blame it all on yourself. Just take responsibility for the shrieking part of it. Ask yourself if you believe he can "hear" your needs because if he is deaf, screaming will not get through. If he is usually thoughtful he may have just been stuck in his families holiday expectations for a moment, trying to make them happy. But I would suggest you make a commitment to each other to spend important holidays together because after living 5 years together, the two of you are family first.

Merry Belated Christmas
Posted 12/26/2009 6:18 PM (GMT -5)
I have related my lyme rage to anxiety.  If I take xanax, it totally changes the way I see things.  I was always an optimistic person and have found myself having terrible negative thoughts with angry angry moods.  But if I take the xanax, and its is a tiny dose, it will really help. 
Posted 12/27/2009 8:03 PM (GMT -5)
Lamictal and neurontin work well for this. I do believe that people should be medicated to survive herxes. I used to experience this but I sm now on strong IV therapies with stable moods.

We can not afford to do this without support of loved ones.
Posted 12/28/2009 7:32 AM (GMT -5)
It amazes me how many people suffer from lyme rage as I did and it really stunk!  I had no idea why I was saying the things I did to my mother, my family, friends, etc.  And then they didn't want to talk to me anymore and for good reason but I didn't get it until later on..  

I couldn't understand my own anger and where it was coming from, darn, I was cursing out my own family and then apologizing like anything..   Thank goodness my ex was not with me at the time or he would have become an ex much sooner!

In any case, I happened to stumble on Dr. Jernigan's protocol (thanks to a friend) but was still suffering from the lyme rage episodes so I called up his clinic and was told I should try his Neuro-Antitox CNS/PNS formula to clear out the ammonia in my brain and body and sure enough, after months of taking this product, I totally calmed down and had no more lyme rage episodes.   Detoxing is a must!

Denise

Posted 12/28/2009 9:33 AM (GMT -5)
I don't really relate to Dejavu's episodes and I haven't cussed anybody out...... yet.....

But, I have experienced a certain amount of lyme rage, myself, however, fortunately it's usually been when I am alone.  I have had extremely explosive episodes w/ my (grown)daughter, but she is often the one who explodes first.

But what has bothered me the most is my negativity. I have found that negativity that is really difficult to correct has been one of the worst symptoms.  So, perhaps that, plus frustration, plus the way we perceive the way that we are perceived may all contribute to the cause of the Lyme rage.

I have been learning how very annoying I am to some of my kids. It seems that everything I say or do annoys them.  When I can't figure out anything that I've done that would be annoying, I then blame them. 

Now, the 3 ladies I work with all hate me. I don't know of anything I have done to deserve it -- I do not speak rudely or snidely or condescendingly to anyone, I don't back stab or gossip, so I don't understand why I get that back.

I also have a much younger sister who has dismissed me from her life. I know of nothing that I did TO her.  she emailed an insult about me and intended to send it to my other sister, but instead accidently sent it to me. I did not go off on her, but told her she had no right to insult me when she didn't even know my thoughts and beliefs on the subject of contention. She then accused me of 'flipping out', which I really hadn't done.  NOW, she can't find it in her heart to 'forgive' me!  Forgive me for what?  She was insulting me behind by back and mistakenly sent it to me and I called her on it. I didn't go off, I didn't insult, I didn't name call. But I am the one awaiting forgiveness?

The point in all this? I can't keep blaming everyone else for stuff I perceive has originated w/ them. It must be in me.  It can't be everyone else.

Depending on the situation and how badly we see we have been perceived could be a part of the 'lyme rage' because it is so frustrating and we feel that others are placing blame for things on us that are really false or that really should be placed on someone else.  Sometimes I just want to walk away from everybody.

Does this make sense?

I am writing this, only hoping others might relate to it and feel somewhat relieved that others of us are experiencing difficult relationships as well. 

Posted 1/2/2010 9:23 PM (GMT -5)

Hi Rainbaby,

I am brand new to this forum, only recently diagnosed but have had this I suspect for a really long time.  Reading your posts from March 09 inspired me to become a member.  I hope things improved after Christmas for you.

I understand the anger and hostility, I thought that was just me, I didn't realize it could be connected to the Lyme.

May I ask if your bladder symptoms have improved since where you were last March?    I have a debilitating case of IC and now I think I have determined where it started.

But I thought all I had to deal with was IC.  Now I am trying to wrap my head around the new dx.

Happy New Year 

Posted 1/2/2010 9:28 PM (GMT -5)
Welcome the the forum AnthonysMom! I have also been dealing with IC too plus bladder infections. Are you on any medicine for it?
Posted 1/2/2010 9:36 PM (GMT -5)
Hi CajunGirl,

Thanks for the reply.  I am surprised I don't get the infections but the IC has been brutal.  In the first few months there were many suicidal thoughts.  I didn't even know I had Lyme at the time.  I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse to have found out about the Lyme plus I have a bunch of other infections going on.

My treatment so far since I am likely years deep is mostly alternative and I've had 2 Rife treatments.  The strongest thing I am taking is MMS but it scares me.  My spasms get worse but I think it might due to the oxidative stress because as soon as I take the Liposomal Glutathione the spasms seem to go away.  I am taking so many things because I also have some other conditions that it is a moving target to nail down what is harming/helping.

So good to hear a friendly voice. :-)

Posted 1/2/2010 10:22 PM (GMT -5)
I'm sorry you are dealing with all of that. I can definitely relate. IC is pretty brutal for me as well. I can barely hold my urine in sometimes and find myself running to the toilet. The pain/pressure is horrible too. I had this a few years ago before I found out that I had Lyme and was put on medication. I don't remember the name of the medication though.
Posted 1/3/2010 6:55 AM (GMT -5)
Hi +Lyme,

I read your post again and perhaps when we are sick, we simply are just not capable of seeing ourselves or how we act.   When I was suffering from lyme rage episodes, I got feedback from my family about how I was acting as I didn't see myself as they saw me..   At first I didn't believe them but when they didn't want to talk to me anymore, I had to look deep within myself..  does that make any sense? 

I didn't curse all the time, sometimes I would just get angry at really stupid things.  Little things that really didn't matter much now that I look back.   And then there were times I didn't even remember what I said until my family reminded me and I said to them "what?  I said that?"  I couldn't believe it! 

So I guess I suffered from severe brain fog which included the lyme rage..  Almost if I were drinking booze and I was in a blackout or grayout as I used to call them when I was a drinking alcoholic..

Don't know if this helps,

Denise

Posted 1/3/2010 9:00 AM (GMT -5)
Denise,

I understand what you are saying. I get that way too and don't think before I blurt something out....then I feel terrible five minutes later. The rages can go on for much longer though and most of the time, I think I'm right, lol. I usually start thinking about it a day or so later though and realize what I've done. It's terrible what we and our families have to go through.
Posted 1/3/2010 5:17 PM (GMT -5)
Hi CG,

Yes, I also blurted out whatever came into my brain and later on regretted it..  I think it's just part of this disease so please don't be so hard on yourself, okay?  

I didn't say whatever I said on purpose when I was sick yet my family would get very upset with me and at that time I didn't understand why.   In a way it was good they told me how they felt because it made me aware of myself and that's when I called Dr. J's clinic and told them what was going on and what can I do about it?   I was actually scared of myself because I didn't understand what was going on inside my brain until Dr. J's clinic explained it to me.. 

In my case it was a build up of ammonia in my brain and once I started clearing out that ammonia, I started to feel better and become more rational and clear-headed.    It took months for me to clear out that ammonia, it was not an immediate cure..   The product I took also helped with the pain I had as I learned that too much ammonia in the body causes all sorts of pain.

Denise

Posted 1/3/2010 6:15 PM (GMT -5)
Denise, what supplement cleared out ammonia?
Posted 1/3/2010 6:33 PM (GMT -5)
Hi AnthonysMom,

I took Dr. Jernigan's NeuroAntitox CNS/PNS Formula.   I took more than the recommended dose as I wanted to clear out the ammonia faster which was safe to do.  It costs $48.00 a bottle and you can read about it here:

http://www.hansacenter.com/productinfo.html?neuro-antitox-ii-cns-pns

If you want to buy it, it can be bought at Dr. J's site (I really recommend buying his book first as that has so much information):

http://www.hansacenter.com/shop.php

Hope that helps,

Denise

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