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need to vent & complain - sorry

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Posted 7/23/2010 3:16 PM (GMT -5)
So, I'm sooooo tired of being tied to a toilet, taking fistfuls of pills several times a day, the high levels of pain, the exhaustion,the swelling of my joints, the no appetite, the lack of memory control & retrieval, the restriction I have because I cannot get overheated, being hot one moment & cold then next........let's see, have I missed anything - oh yea - the unique ability I have developed where I can type perfectly spelled words & even phrases - backwards....

So here goes - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
((deep breath))AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!

smhair

I really just want to fall into a heap, in a corner & cry my eyeballs out & then some - & stay there until I no longer have to deal with any of this!!!
I haven't been capable of posting anything about Jennifers' passing, as it keeps bringing me to tears, I can really understand the whys of it.

I'm so sorry, I don't like to complain...much....but it is really hard for me to get through some weeks, and every once in a while something like this helps just a smidgen.
Posted 7/23/2010 3:20 PM (GMT -5)
Dear Traveler,

I'm right there with you! I'm in EXACTLY the same place! including typing everything backwards so it takes me 3 times as long to type something as it used to because I have to type and retype!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Traveler)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
JoAnn
Posted 7/23/2010 3:34 PM (GMT -5)
Thanks JoAnn!
I agree about it taking 3 times longer to type a response! Heck!! I lose track of what I was wanting to say before I can get enough of it typed to act as a reminder!!! :(
Posted 7/23/2010 3:42 PM (GMT -5)
I hear you. Maybe the crying would be cathartic right now - sometimes there really isn't anything else to do. Saying a prayer for you right now.
Posted 7/23/2010 4:07 PM (GMT -5)
Traveler,

Big huge hugs hun!!! You are welcome to complain anytime you like. We are not made of steel. Even I have my crying spells. I usually just go up to my room and stay by myself the whole day. I don't want to be ugly or mean to my family when I feel that way.

Do you have anyone to talk to? Venting always helps me even if the person just listens and doesn't say a word. I just need to get everything out, then I feel so much better.
Posted 7/24/2010 7:10 AM (GMT -5)
Oh Traveler,

I'm still sad about Jennifer's passing..  For some reason it hit me hard, almost like I still expect her to post..   It's okay to cry, crying is healing.. 

Supplements?  Oh golly!  Since I saw my hormone doctor a couple of weeks ago she gave me all these supplements to take, said I'm not ready for bioidentical just yet..   I am taking a form of estrogen, progestone, and other supplements based on my blood work.    I'm not used to taking all these supplements besides the ones I already take.   Plus she told me between the menopause and the stress of my house (plan on selling it soon) that I am suffering from Adrenal Fatigue so even more supplements for that!  Golly Geeeee! 

Anyway, you are not alone, remember that, okay? 

And whenever you are ready to go to that bodyshop with me, let me know.. 

Big big HUGS to you!!  ((((((((((((( Traveler )))))))))))))

Denise

Posted 7/24/2010 9:37 AM (GMT -5)
Traveler, I am so sorry, I wasted too much time on Motox and have to go. But I cannot go w/o telling you how sorry I am about how you are feeling. I am and have been durned close to that, and so you have ALL my empathy and sympathies. I don't know what to say to help. Only that you will be formost in my prayers and that we are all there, with you -- I don't mean the disease -- I mean that we are with you.

This is a living nightmare we are living in. I do not understand. And again, I am very sorry. I am praying for strength and mercy for you. B
Posted 7/24/2010 9:59 AM (GMT -5)
First, I want to thank you for your kind responses.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm anyone - I won't be doing anything drastic, I just have to scream about it once in awhile & just going out my back door & screaming only gave me a bigger headache this time. Makes me wonder what the neighbors thought. Oh well, we're in the heart of the Ozarks - weird things happen.

I know I'm not alone in this situation. I also know that I have been tremendously blessed in the fact that I am not, nor have I ever been, as sick as sooo many others, and that my heart has not been infected for some reason - even though I have had significant issues continually for about 12 years now with everything else. And, although I have been bed-ridden for months at a time, it has always resolved - the same for being house-bound. And I have enjoyed brief periods where I did actually feel "good". I have had really tasty bits of "quality of life" for short little spurts. Before that, I only had periods of my life taken over by all of this.

Everything - all of those little things - still build up. The last time I had a bit of a melt down (I think??) was back in Dec '08/Jan '09, when my hubby almost died. That scared me - we really are life partners. Even when we argue (usually because both of us are having really bad days) we're a good match. He doesn't understand, but he tries & he is still here - that says a lot to me. So I do have people to talk to, but it has to be hard on them to listen to me constantly talking about my health.

I wouldn't make it without this forum, for when all other avenues of stress relief allude me - I can come here & at least it's understood here that sometimes we need to unload some of this.
Thanks ya'll.

Big hugs to ((((((((((everyone)))))))))). And thank you for your patience with lil' ole me.
Posted 7/24/2010 10:36 AM (GMT -5)
Traveler,

Just so you know -- when I say we are there w/ you, I mean we are actually there w/ you  -- spriritually, as opposed to just suffering the same symptoms. I am sincere.

Posted 7/24/2010 11:08 AM (GMT -5)
Thank you +Lyme,
That is a big part of the reason that after 3 years here on HW, I am still posting here. There has always been those that are truly sincere - like you have been with me! Thank you. <3 (that's supposed to be a heart)
Posted 7/25/2010 12:02 PM (GMT -5)
Traveler - I appreciate you giving voice to the feelings I have and I'm sure many others here have too. Like you, I find this forum a place of solace and a place where I know other people actually understand. I can talk about things here that I can't or won't talk about anywhere else. It's encouraging to hear you have good days. I'm convinced when I have days like that, that if I can ever feel great I still have the potential to feel great most of the time. It's a mystery to me what physiological, psychological, spiritual, and/or cosmic things align themselves to produce such a day. If I ever figure it out, I will do those things. One of the most difficult aspects of this illness for me involves seeking "the" answer to regaining health. Makes me want to scream on strong days, and collapse in tears on darker days. The rest of the time I'm like some obsessed mad woman scouring Lyme posts, reading articles and books about the subject, asking anyone who knows anything about it to reveal their knowledge, all with the hope that I will miraculously discover the answer to regaining my health.

On the darkest days I tell myself tomorrow will be a better day. Wishing that for you and keeping you in my prayers.

Rose
Posted 7/26/2010 3:42 PM (GMT -5)
Sending you big hugs and lots of love.

Victoria

Posted 7/26/2010 6:47 PM (GMT -5)
Thank you Willowrose!
I think most of us go through that "obsessed mad person scouring Lyme posts/sites", as "the" answer is different for each of us in my opinion.

I have made it through many a rough day, as have many of us, with the phrase "tomorrow will be better" & usually I believe it - just once in a while..... it all builds.



Vicparis,
Thank you for the big hugs!!! I can actually "feel" the care & concern on this website when I get into one of those times where all I want to do is to beat my head against a tree until one of us cries stop!


I am actually back on an even keel again. I think this was "the darkness before the dawn" for me??? At least that's what I'm telling myself, since I have started a new treatment.

Thank you all - again. I think I got my goofy back! :)
Don't know where I would be without all of you!!!

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) to all!!!
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