This is a 2 part-er...

Has anyone ever just stopped taking everything to see what would happen? I had a REALLY bad weekend and I am so frustrated, fed up and depressed reading about how much people are struggling to regain ANYTHING...I just wonder if its all worth it, am I doing more harm than good, what would happen if I left my body to its own devices...

Also, I am definitely experiencing *Lyme Depression* which as y'all know is NOT the same as clinical depression. I am almost to the point where I can't take it anymore. Would an anti-depressant really even help? I can be suicidal one moment and fine a few hours later...the 'swings' are just...alot. For me and my family.

Happy Valentine Day, Raw Runner.

I know how you feel. It is exhausting.

I was just watching movie sat night where a guy was taken captive into the hills in South america for ransom and was wondering to myself. "Gee, he is in a dirt hut and being dragged around and tortured by these rebels and no supplements or tinctures of pharmaceutical.

What if I was completely removed from my own world and had NONE of my meds.

I am so ready to dump everything too and I am on hydrocortisone and pain meeds.

and thyroid AND HRT and this and that.

I remember watching my Mom after grueling chemo therapy being so so sick. I asked the oncologist. "Should't we be giving her some supplements??" He shrugged his shoulders and said."Ahh, well I guess you could give her a Multi vitamin."

She never took one supplement or vitamin and barely ate. but little by little she would come back to life.

and she even had a stroke and she was in a coma for 9 days in rena failure after her first chemo treatment for leukemia.

It is amazing what we can do with NOTHING but the will to live.

This is the first thing that the lyme doctor told me about lyme.
she said..it's like no other. it almost seems like it's real power is in how it robs you of your spirit and will
to fight. It eats away at that and this is what really makes the difference in why it is so hard to pull people out of it. That one component alone is EVERYTHING.

that is what you are experiencing right now. so DON"T LET IT WIN" DON'T LET IT BEAT DOWN YOUR WILL TO FIGHT"

For me this is the worst part of it too. Sometime I get in my truck and go on the back road and scream my lungs out till I have no voice and am in tears in hysteria and then suddenly it all comes back and I am laughing like I'm on acid.

this thing is an ENTITY. I don't care what the biology of it all is. IT IS A WICKED DEBILITATING ENTITY.

I have to literally BLOW it out. Watch out..we are in the cycle of the upcoming full moon. some really get effected by that.

bucci...thank you so much for sharing this. I think part of why I am struggling, too, is due to the extreme isolating nature of this disease. That and watching my kids grow up each day without the mother they deserve...

Herbert...I hear you. Loud and clear. You are not alone in feeling that way AT ALL. I have a to-do list several pages long...all things I WANT to do, enjoy doing, and I simply can't. I have talents and skills, dreams and desires and they sit on the table with my to-do list...

I also feel like *why bother* going on when I feel this bad, when I really DON'T know if I will get better. Its not like the flu or a cold where you feel like crap for a few days but you KNOW it will be over. Its not even ike cancer where you will either get better or die...its just this never ending limbo.

I have told my husband numerous times, that if it weren't for my children I would already be gone. This is not the kind of life I want to live. Yet here I am...

Something is keeping me here, and you too. There must be a reason...and that is what I cling to some days.

Lyme depression is truly horrible. I can honestly say though that an antidepressant really has made a world of difference. I am feeling cruddy today, mostly tired, but these days are few and far between whereas before the antidepressant I was down and out every single day. I too believe that you need these mood helpers to get you through the worst part. Will I need to stay on for life, I hope not. I already stopped taking the xanax and I was worried about being on that for life. You have to be able to cope to allow your body to heal. It is not in your head. It is chemical and being down doesn't do anyone good. Don't be afraid to try an antidepressant. It may just make the road ahead a little less bumpy.

TO EVERYONE ABOVE:

Depressed big time now for me! I forced myself to walk in the mall 45 min., went for coffee with my friend.
Another friend and I visited her horse. I am thinking of the possibility of leasing a horse myself. Right now I do work around horses 5 min from home; volunteering.

Been crying a lot and I also feel like not getting any more anitibiotics. I have decided to reach out and advertise a Lyme group, not because I have all the answers, but I need their help as well.

Moody a lot.

Much money gets spent and I, too, wonder if it's worth it.

My solution: It's up to prayer and God, I'm leaving it there and moving forward!

Best wishes everyone!

Oo boy, this is good stuff. My peeps!

raw runner, you did not bring me down. Sharing is still sharing, even if it's about misery. You just said so many things that I've only been able to say to myself for fear of judgment.

I welcome the tears because I get to imagine I'm feeling something.

My wife supports me to a point, but in the past had no use for my whining. I learned long ago to keep it to myself, but she has come to see things differently. Perhaps her persistent sinus crap of 3 years and migraines every couple of weeks has tempered her criticisms. Anyway, we have a good marriage and support each other.

From her I learned patience, acceptance, and many things about how our minds affect our bodies. She has been studying concienciusness from one end to another her whole life. The realm of quantum physics and our minds is a particular interest of hers. Mind over matter. We create our Reality.

But that is where I get derailed because I start feeling blamed for not "being" the right way. I believe it's both quantum and Newtonian physics at work here. You know, bacteria have a right and urge to survive, just like me. I just happen to look like a great place to eat and sleep, I guess.

I just learned of my infection two weeks ago and I'm doing research on what to do. I'm well aware of the side affects of drugs and have avoided them nearly my whole life. I go with Nature as much as I can.

BUT! I know the power of inserting a treatment in the hopes of warding off a oncoming problem. I am trying to walk my talk when I say no to conventional meds, but springsjean, those anti-depressants are sounding mighty tempting!

Bucci, my long lost brother. We should get together and make a mess sometime. I could bring materials for a thousand projects that I never finished. And the tools!

I see workman out in the world and it chokes me up because they are real men out there working and creating and making a difference for their families. I often imagine myself a lineman on a icy January night working hard to help people get their power back on, sharing a job well done, and coming home feeling like I've worked hard and the tiredness I feel is warm and comforting and the sleep comes so easily and you get up refreshed and get back at it the next day. You know, a normal life.

Yes, bucci, you are with me.

I've been actively dealing with treating hypo adrenal and thyroid stuff for ten years now and I actually got myself built back up to a point where I felt great. Everyone noticed, even the grandkids wondered why I didn't fink out on them when they asked me to pull them in around in a wagon. My libido was coming back (huge for a guy), appetite strong, I was getting a tan and took to wearing shorts for the first time in my life! I had a body temperature! The garden was shaping up to be one of my best, I was happy and could walk up and down these hills all day long.

Then I felt some stiffness in my knees and a sore throat. No prob, I thought, I'm doing good and I should just ride this out.

Then the horror began. Aches, headache, fever, terrible pain everywhere. A week of that and I gradually got to where I could get up and move about.

But I could tell things were different. I sat down with my wife and told her something had changed. That was two years ago.

I did my usual research back then and read about LD but got some bad info when the bulls-eye thing didn't occur and just went on with my life.

Oldschool, I SO hear you about blaming yourself for not feeling the right way. But remember, it is a disease and no one should be blamed for contracting a disease! While it is hard to accept the new norm, once you do, it will make it so much easier. I was a workaholic, multi-tasker, never relaxed, loved to keep busy all the time type person. I didn't need anybody. I was good by myself. Loved to walk and shop by myself. Had friends but didn't seek out people as I was relatively quiet and loved my life as it was and didn't need anything else. Have a wonderful husband and fabulous loving kids. Loved my job, my house, my gardens. Then WHAM. All of a sudden nothing was the same. I was in pain, was stressed out all the time, angry, paranoid, enjoyed nothing. Felt like I was crazy and imagining all of the things my body was going through. I was told I was crazy by family members who told me to seek help and get on with my life. There is no way for them to understand no matter how much you try and explain to them. I find it so much better still to be by myself as there is no way for anyone to feel as you feel. I enjoy the time again by myself even though it is not doing what I want because I am more accepting and know that this is not the true me but the best me at the moment. I just don't feel like explaining myself over and over to people. So try and be happy with yourself while fighting as hard as you can at the same time. Does that make any sense at all??

Razzle, yes homeopathics are a good thing! I have a herbal mood tonic that actually does take the edge off...if i would only remember to take it, lol. RX anti-depressants have never really been a solution for me in the past, and I am petrified to actually take one ever again as i had that seretonin *thing*(can't remember the name) on Cymbalta which was a horrid drug for me...but sometimes when things get bad I start to contemplate it...thank you for reminding me there are other options!

springsjean, I get what you mean. I have chosen to spend my early life alone as much as I can but in the past years I've gotten to be more gregarious. But here I sit alone today. It's going to be interesting if I get out and do something on this warm day.

bucci, no wife not tested nor do I think she will take that step. Long story, but she walks her talk when it comes to maintaining her viewpoint on health. I admire her conviction.

I'm not sure about the dx, but things really changed in fundamental ways two years ago. I was really doing well and the protocols were working. I felt very different after the episode. Intuition, perhaps. I keep going back to my congenital hypoadrenacorticism brought on by my mom's fragile condition. It explains everything. I guess I'll never know for sure.

North Georgia mountains in the woods is where I live. No rash of any kind.
Nice little suburb in Charlotte NC is where I grew up.
My sibs have probs, sis is diabetic, overweight, glut intol., two bros share certain symps - adrenal fatigue, but I have not heard anything that really led me to think they are infected. I really don't know.

I have no biological children. A blessing, perhaps.

old school..what medication is for the adrenal thing?

what protocol have you taken for the lyme?

uplegerinstitute.com has a section for find a therapist.

maybe cranial sacral will be a great modality of treatment for you.
It is for me.

I am checking out a therapist today.

Oldschool,

Please don't use the Smith & Wesson - suicidal thoughts are a symptom of Lyme, but it is the Lyme that is causing these thoughts. Suicidal thoughts are an expression of one's frustration with feeling like there are no options. But there are a lot of options out there for treating Lyme so please, please don't give up.

One reason for a failure of homoepathy is the incorrect remedy for your unique situation was given. Also, if the remedy is not taken properly (i.e., 15-20 minutes away from any food or liquid or brushing teeth/mouthwash) and not stored properly (away from anything with any odor/smell), and not dosed properly (correct potency and frequency of dosing), then the results won't be what you expect. And some substances can interfere with the action of the homeopathy, such as caffeine, peppermint oil (toothpaste, etc.), menthol (Vick's Vapo-rub, some cough drops, etc.), and other strong/aromatic substances.

Also, it can take a while for a person to notice a difference in how they feel...homeopathy can work quickly, but doesn't always do so. It took a couple weeks on the remedy I'm taking for me to notice a difference in my mood. Also, I'm taking two potencies - 30c daily, and 1m once a month. The daily dose basically reinforces the once a month dose, and the potency differences have to do with how deeply acting the remedy will be.

As for other means of treating Lyme, there are various herbal protocols and one I'd suggest checking into is Dr. Jernigan's protocol. There are people who have done his protocol at home (without a visit to his clinic) and have gotten well. He wrote a book about his protocol, called "Beating Lyme Disease" (2nd ed.).

Another protocol to consider is Stephen Harrod Buhner's...he has a book also, called "Healing Lyme: Natural Healing and Prevention of Lyme Borreliosis and its Coinfections."

There are others - Cowden, Zhang, etc. who have also produced good results, and you may need to alternate or rotate between more than one protocol...

And I know Rife technology can also be good - Bryan Rosner has a lot of info about this in his book "When Antibiotics Fail: Lyme Disease And Rife Machines"

Other books you may find informative include:
"The Top 10 Lyme Disease Treatments," by Bryan Rosner
"Insights Into Lyme Disease Treatment: 13 Lyme-Literate Health Care Practitioners Share Their Healing Strategies," by Connie Strasheim

I hope this helps...take care,

Thanks from me as well! Nothing like some directions to explore.
Herbert

Oh and By the way I HATE the words crazy episode or "having one of your episodes" comments.......

SPIT!!! On that, I would rather call it UNCONTROLABLE LYME SYMPTOM , well isnt that what happens.