so exhuasted ( just journaling )

 

  I started the day like a normal person, shower, breakfast,

  wen to the store with a friend, post office, bank,  shopping at a box store

and then I sat in car, resting while she went grocery shopping.

 I came home and was just about to relax on couch and channel surf

and then, realtors called, 2 people coming one at 2 one at 3:30

so i quickly sweeped the floor and left.

 I went to the park acroos the street  to write my zillion notes and to rest

God, Universe, seriously, angels,  I pray someone buys this house soon

and it all goes quick and smooth.  I am already sooo sick

this is way so hard.....    I am going to look for apts next week.

I wish there was a photograph that would show of waht all is going on in my body  all my cells, organs, tissues

all of it, so I can show it to a few people in my life

maybe they would then cut me some slack and write me out a check or two. It would be helpful .

I am going to sleep or rest now

I wanted to keep this as a journal, but it helps to post it here, with people that can understand more than other group of people, I let out sigh afterwards,

it helps me get me through it for whatever reason, I am not quite sure,

  so thank u for this site.

 

Thanks for sharing your inner thoughts, Hope.  I so-o-o-o understand......we all understand.

Hugs,

Patty  xo

I am feeling it Big time today

just walking to mailbox, was biggest feat

I am not suppose to drink coffee, but made some, so tired....

listening to daryl hall, different music from his daryl's house they call it

it helps

I made reservations at a hotel near my llmd and I keep calling chaning the dates, making the time shorter, it seems like such a feat just to get there and pack

lyme turned my life upside down and inside out

I have to write every detail down, so annyoing, have pens and post it notes everywhere

like something as simple as washing my car and putting rain x on it, i cant just do unless I write it down...

so annoying

my one neighbor addicted to thier almost neon grass, mowing all the time, every sat
and sun and errr, it has not even rained much, so why r they cutting it a couple times a week?
err :)

the color of thier grass is not natural looking and stands out,

maybe I should hire them to wash my car, a quieter activity,, time to get my noise canceling headset on again, and listen to more Daryl hall, and Emer Kenny and Joan Osbourne....

god help me get through another day,,,

Dear hope, I know have similar issues.

Today it took me until 1:00 before I got the strength to go down the stairs. I was thinking I could make one step at a time, and it took me most of the time to just get downstairs, i felt like i had just won a big race. I did it , just one thing, if I sit and think about all the things I need to get done, I get confused , and stressed out.

Also noise is a big issue for me , and lights. I need to go to the store, need a pair of pajamas, but I have been putting it off for day, I don't want to deal with a lot of people, I don't want people stearing at me with my cane, all these thoughts going on in my head it's nuts.

So If you have to take a hour out, or five, what ever it takes to get you though one day , that is all that matters. Life is rough enough, and when we have Lyme is makes everyday things, so hard.

Also I forgot that I made a payment on my light bill, I was calling in a payment , and realized , wow I had paid a little on it already. I couldn't remember making the call, sometimes I can't remember how to spell simple things , like my name.

So hang in there hope, we will get through this.

Justme.

We're here for both of you every step of the way, Hope2B & Justme! Hang in there!! You just get through each day as it happens, and you'll make it. You are both tough!

Ticklish, just so that you know -
You can add the part "Doing Field Control Therapy and added Cat's Claw and considering Banderol" permanently to the bottom of every post - or whatever you wish, although there is a limit on how much you can add - by going to "my profile", at the bottom of that section, you will see where you can add what is known as a "signature". You can change what's in there by just going back to your profile and changing it.

I never actually been outside of the states. I started using this name because hubby was a Master Electrician that worked heavy industrial and commercial jobs (think power plants, car factories, major shopping malls, etc.) and so he traveled from job to job all over the U. S. during his career, so my very first email address was (& still is!!) "ar traveler" - Ar for Arkansas, and traveler because we were traveling! LOL!

During that time, I saw docs from many different states and realized that one area didn't seem to have better docs than any other area, but I too was fearful of being too far away from docs then and now! We just had to postpone my last doc's appt a week because of new snow fall and I just about freaked! LOL!!! I need my appt times to be regular even now!!! Giggle!

Uhhmmm, well I've had many tick bites in California, Idaho, Arizona, Arkansas, Missouri, Indiana, Illinois, Alabama, and Tennessee - at least I think that's a complete list! LOL!

When I went to see the one LLMD that I saw, he asked how many tick bites I've had and I just asked 'this week, this months, this year, or how many years back?' His immediate answer was, "Well, then I don't see how you don't have these infections. We must assume with your symptoms and the number of ticks you've had attached that you have all the tick-borne infections." Boy, did that ever deflate my balloon!! I figured that I was done for, yet here I sit today, better than I have been in over 14 years!

 

  the back of my neck hurts so much to hold my head up

  I feel like I am dying a sloooowwww death, always feel so sick

 i have had or have 81 symptoms out of 122 , list. at llmd office.

  I am angry at US, the whole health care sys. etc.  like mine and so many others, life have been a sacrifice in a sense

   brings awareness to others but what about us?

  The uS gov, medical areana does not care about us  

  I use to have a bumper sticker that said there is no gov like no gov

  but since I am so sick, and the years of it

and trying to get well faster,  trying to figure out what was wrong

so many dif drs,  i do want the whole medical sys in the usa to change for the better, to help people with lyme and soon as they exhbit a list of symtoms, no rash, no bullseye needs to be present.

------

going to so many dif drs, only to be

enduring their verbal garbage :, of i need to loose weight,  i must have had 3 kids judging  from size of belly and stretch

marks,  i am becoming a hypocondriac,  do i have mad cow disease?, it is a mystery...  your labs are fine

u just have anxiety....

no one helped me, just passed me off to a specialist, bone dr, gr, neurologist, and then I went to a psychologist

at least I had someone who would listen to me for 65 bucks each time.

so much time wasted...

Grateful for my llmd now, but it has been a rough road to get here, YEars

money all spent, only a few thousand left in the accounts, hundreds of thousands spent of suriving, etc from when i got so dibilating sick. 

I know, internal feeling, that my body is shutting down, how many years can you go with being so sick everyday, all day? 

The body I feel can only take so much...

  I have to use a cane  to walk now.  I know I am going to die one year from this disease as opposed to another illness

the bone pain alone, is off any measurable scale,  incredible bone pain....

I just dont want to die without part of my story told, hence i write here

I dont wnat to die on us soil either.  I pray I can get well enough, and move permently to another country.

no big brother, shots, immunizations , chemtrails for me.

I just want to be healthy, happy, and free.   love and light, hope2b

Well, I too had one of those days with the pain from my neck/head - it's unbelievable pain today, 2 pain pills and no real relief yet! ACK! Hubby and I absolutely had to be out and about with my Father-in-law today. I'm feeling great amounts of sympathy today for both of you!

Hang in there!!
((((Hugs)))) ((((Hugs))))

A lot of it's just like what you & Hope are doing - just taking things one day (or one step some days) at a time! After awhile, it got easier as I healed, but I still sit on a very thin fence. If I miss any of my supplements or treatments, don't detox as I need to, or if I push a little too hard, I still suffer greatly sometimes.

Moderation in all things!