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I hate the depression

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Posted 1/26/2014 1:37 PM (GMT -5)
Hey all hope things are going well for everyone. I am low....so flippin' depressed that I feel like even moving is a sad enough event to make me burst into tears.

I just got my PICC last week...I am 3 days on Rocephin and 4 off, so today is my first off.

Started Interfase Plus to bust some biofilms....started a bunch other supportive stuff, plus Sida Acuta..

It's all a nightmare.

I have joined a few groups I thought might help me, but the more I read the more freaked out I get about things...this place is very level headed and the only one I post at, but I read at other places and some of the info/ideas.... *sigh* it makes me feel hopeless. Like I will never beat this...Does anyone ehre actually turn there breakers off at night?

I'm sorry for being a downer.

I saw that cup of coffee thingy...I wish there were some of you in No Calif...because it is a lonely world I am in....and I just need people...friends that understand.

I know I'm not alone...it just feels that way. You all just seem so strong and on top of it...I need to buck up.

Thanks for letting me vent.
Posted 1/26/2014 2:10 PM (GMT -5)
We're not all strong! Many Lyme patients feel alone and hopeless and it is hard to go through if you don't have friends who understand. People do get better and get on with their life. It takes a lot of patience since nobody can tell you how long it will be before you're better. I just hope you have a good doctor who will keep you on an uphill path to healing.

You have many people here who care, so vent as much as you need to! Maybe someone from northern CA will see this and want to get together with you. Hang in there.
Posted 1/26/2014 3:16 PM (GMT -5)
I'm depressed too. It absolutely SUCKS. I have to fight, fight, fight all day long to keep myself going, and I cry or feel down at the littlest thing.

Feel free to email me, so we can have a virtual cup of coffee.

Margaret
Posted 1/26/2014 4:07 PM (GMT -5)
I get very very depressed when the herxing is at its worst... It's terrible... I try to keep in mind that the herxing is doing this to me, but it's sometimes hard to remember that...

You are not alone in this, and you're not being a downer at all :-)
You should read some of my posts... That's what this forum is about: helping eachother. This forum has helped me so much when I'm loosing it, don't know what I would do without the people on here.

We can take a lot, we have to take a lot to swim through this. I think we are brave going through it, and very much allowed to cry and feel depressed. It's better to talk about it with us here than to bottle it up.

Marie
Posted 1/26/2014 5:16 PM (GMT -5)
I am sorry for your guys' dp too :( > I am so scared to be alone because when I herx it seems like my ability to think fast enough...to reason out things...the lack of impulse control...I don't know what could happen.

My BF had the week off to go to the city with me to get my PICC and I am dreading him going back to work tomorrow and me being alone. I don't have many friends that I want to let in on *this* world....it is embarrassing to have other people see you stripped down this low, raw, vulnerable.

And yeh...it is..it's the herxing and yes it is very hard to realize that is what is up because it is completely driving the car...that is when I feel like I am not going to be able to get out of the black hole.

There is a support group up here but it only meets once a month and I missed it this month so have to wait until the 3rd week of Feb. But maybe I can find some local people at that point....

I am going to make a goal to post more here and try to become more a part of.

Thank you for being here.
Posted 1/26/2014 5:42 PM (GMT -5)
You are not alone! I was put on a PICC with IV rocephin and it is a very bumpy ride! The IV rocephin caused very strong neuropsychiatric herxing for me as well. While taking the drugs, I get so low that all I can do is sit on the couch. I am completely emotionally numb and lifeless... I cry on and off, etc. There's no controlling my emotions. I stopped the IV five days ago and it was like night and day. After a day of being off the drugs I was my old self-- busy, happy, invigorated, able to laugh and excited about life again. I start the IV again tomorrow, but I know what to expect this time. Don't worry! It's not permanent and you will get through it! Depression is an awful thing, but plow through this and know that this suffering will end.
Posted 1/26/2014 6:57 PM (GMT -5)
Someone told me at the beginning of this about Holy Basil. I took it for maybe two months. Without it I would have never made it. It said take 2x daily but I took 3. It really helped me with my emotions and did not seem to have any side effects.
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