no questions this time, just needing to vent and maybe find moral support.

like I said in the subject line, I don't have a question this time, I'm just needing to find support and vent maybe.

Long and short of it is my husband has left our son's situation in my hands from the beginning of this (last fall/winter). As you know, if you've read any of my other posts, my son is four and has lyme. It was a h_ll of a winter for many reasons due to this. First and foremost being scared for my son and anxious about getting him help.

Glad to say, like I have before, that he's doing really well.

But another reason it's all been tough is my husband is not on board with any of this.
He did admit finally this winter that something was wrong, but even with four doctors (long story why four, so I'll spare those details) saying it's lyme-he still to this day doesn't believe it.

He reluctantly agreed we should do the antibiotics for him.

But boy has it been stressful and difficult.

so, now, here we are 14 weeks into treatment, and our son is doing so well that he hardly has any symptoms, yet still occasionally does, so we're not at the point of stopping antibiotics.

Tonight, my husband, very angrily asked what's going on with it all? is he still on abx? when is he done?
saying how ridiculous it all is, ,and that I'm paranoid and am going to hurt him by having him on abx for so long.

I ask him to read about lyme. He won't. He doesn't listen. He doesn't think anything is wrong with him. He is so mad at me for continuing treatment. Finally he said this is on me.

My son does have lyme; two llmds have said so, in fact he was tested again and it was Igenex positive, but my husband thinks its all nuts and not real (even the testing I suppose?)

To tell you the truth in my opinion it's been God that has kind of kept him out of our son's treatment. When I pray for my husband to understand and not get in the way of treating him, the arguing seems to stop some or altogether. I swear it's going to take another miracle to get him to have peace (b/c he doesn't) with our son being treated much longer.

It's making me want to switch to herbs at times, but really I'm happy with the progress he's been making with the abx. and don't want to switch gears right now. I feel like we're almost through this, and we need just a bit longer.

He just had some joint pain and hand numbness on last Sunday, but it's so much rarer now, so it's not done yet, but almost. When I go to tell my husband this last symptom he gets mad at me, and tells me to stop; that I'm making it up. It's very difficult.

Thanks for listening if you did. I think I just needed to vent.

I don't like my son being on abx for 14 + weeks either; who the heck would? But what can I do. It's working and we can't under treat this.

Post Edited (stacestar) : 5/21/2014 11:10:58 PM (GMT-6)

I too think that you disserve a pat on the back for continuing to treat your son while your husband is not really feeling like doing that.

You are saving him from years of trouble like this.

You know, once he is all better, you can tell your husband that you were so darn right. I would go for that satisfaction!

He must at least see that your boy was in pain and discomfort and he is getting better now?

I'm with Achievinggrave about continuing to treat him after all symptoms have disappeared.

It is strange though that your husband is reacting like this, maybe because he can't do anything himself? Out of frustration about that fact? I don't know...

You are doing a wonderful job!!! Don't doubt yourself, cause you are only doing this out of love for him.

MarieLS

thanks all.

it can be confusing why he doesn't believe the lyme dx; but here's one reason: he's said more than once in arguments and talks, that he doesn't want to believe it.

He has had moments lately, past couple of months, were he was better about going along with treatment even if he wanted to stay out of it. during one of these better times, he said, and said sincerely and nicely, that it was good Davey has two parents and that I'm pursuing this, b/c it's in his nature to want to think everything's ok even if something is off. Then he added "like my dad did"; his dad died of cancer about 2 years ago; the cancer would have most likely been treatable, but he didn't go to the dr. until far too late, and it is was stage 4 by then, and then he passed away a year later.

of course this isn't the same, but you all get the idea; he admitted he wants to ignore something to act like all is well.


one other reason he acts like he does, besides that wanting to ignore things, is fear of medication.

his father raised him to completely distrust dr.s and medicines. He prides himself on that he never takes anything at all ever for medication.
but of course lyme is not your average bacteria and needs treatment; I tell him that and he accepts it to a degree, but really he needs to educate himself on lyme. Trust me I've tried and it's almost ended our marriage.
he agreed antibiotics, reluctantly, should be used finally, but his issue now is the length. Especially since our son is doing so much better; he thinks he should be done.

I think and pray he'll come around and not just say angrily that he's out of it, and Davey will have to come to me in the future if he gets sick b/c antibiotics and so on. I know the truth that if not treated Davey will be coming to me in the very near future with huge problems, and that's not an option.

thanks for your thoughts and marriage counseling is probably a good idea. sometimes I feel like I don't have the emotional energy for it now, but I think it may be necessary in the future.

I think your spouse is being driven by fear. Even though you might not see it. He is essentially afraid for his son's wellbeing. As are you, but women show it differently.

He is probably doing his best to keep the fear in check, but sometimes it will come out in burst. So what you are perceiving is an attack on you or the treatment is just his fear coming through.

I am not a psychologist, but that's what it sounds like to me.

I am so glad your son is feeling better. You are doing the right thing and you should keep going until you and the doctors say he is ready. You sound like a great mommy!

PS-I think venting is healthy!

I had the same thought as Leilex. Some guys just can't handle the negative parts of life. It sounds like he cares a lot about his boy and is wrestling with his conflicting thoughts. I hope your son will continue to heal well and beat it so all of you can relax and get back to enjoying life together.

Spacestar, I wanted to compliment you on not only fighting for your son to avoid undue pain in life but also being able to give your hubby the benefit of being afraid. I saw that you came on and posted defending the way he grew up and how that has molded his perceptions. It takes a strong being to not only keep believing in your instincts but be forgiving and understanding even when it affects you negatively. You inspired me by that. It is true love what I read on here today. I wish your son all the health in the world. I hope that overtime your hubby becomes more open but it sounds like he already is trying hard and so are you. I'd say your son is in excellent hands.

thanks stacestar - he's trying really hard.

yes, I know who that phrase is from - Elleon I think! haven't seen her here in a while? I love it too! I already am not the same person since this happened!