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can someone send me a ray of sunshine

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Posted 8/19/2014 5:05 PM (GMT -5)
I hate reading depressing posts, but I need to vent. I've had this dark cloud circling that I need to get rid of. Life was good in November. Like really good. Then, my cat died from cancer in December. Then I got sick, really sick in Dec with lyme. My mom who is my rock and was supposed to help me recover, got sick a few weeks after me. My mom and I got really sick and could barely help each other. It's been a horrible 8 months. My other cat got put down two weeks ago from cancer. I lost my job in August. We left our house two weeks ago as it was full of toxic mold. I've been living in a motel with my family.

My house is remediated but it's pulled apart and needs construction work to put walls back up. We left for vacation on Sunday and my mother died today from stage 4 cancer, she was diagnosed in June and went downhill fast. Can someone please tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel and my luck will finally change. I have had enough.
Posted 8/19/2014 5:21 PM (GMT -5)
Oh Louise,
Words will not express enough sympathy and sorrow, but I'm so very sorry. The loss of a parent is very hard - very hard.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!! You will recover and you will be able to reach out to others that feel like their lives have been shattered too. You will have an understanding that surpasses many.

Surely your house will be back together soon, right? Once you can get back into your own home, I'm sure that life won't look quite so bad. It won't take away from your loss, just make it easier to bear.

I happen to believe that getting another pet is the best therapy and the best way to honor the pet that passed. It helps to occupy your (& your kids if you have any) minds so that you don't think about the pet that passed all the time. It really does help.

Your luck will finally change soon!! Just hang on!! You've come through the worst of it and you just have to get through what's left. You know what you have and that you can heal - you have your family together (even if it is cramped!), you hopefully have the support of your family too.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other to get through this right now - and do NOT hesitate to write to me, or call someone if things get to be too hard on you. I'm here and we have a lot of phone numbers and online support listed in the "New to Lyme?" thread.

Try to do something that you would normally enjoy on your vacation. I've heard a saying that always fit me while I was trying to find out why I was so sick - fake it until you feel it - and it has some merit. It's been proven that smiling even when you don't feel like it can elevate a person's mood. So do something that you normally would find very enjoyable on your vacation!!

Hang on tight, and keep posting here!! Don't forget that there is a depression forum here on Healing Well should you need it.
Posted 8/19/2014 6:28 PM (GMT -5)
Louise, I'm so very sorry to hear your mother passed away. That's tough. I went through it a little over a year ago. And I'm sorry you lost your pets and I like Trav's idea of getting another pet to help you through the grief. You might be able to find someone with a therapy animal too, which could help also without having to care for a pet.

Do keep coming back here since there are many caring people on here. ((((((HUGS))))))
Posted 8/19/2014 6:52 PM (GMT -5)
Thanks for letting me vent. It's been a hard day for sure. Yes, I will get a kitten for when I get back home. My kids deserve that. Both my parents passed less than two years apart, it is surreal that life can be so random or perhaps not. I do get angry that I got lyme right when my mother needed me most and she had to pass knowing that I have been so sick.

I guess that my recovery has been so hampered, knowing what was coming. Now that she is no longer suffering can hopefully let the healing process begin.
Posted 8/19/2014 7:26 PM (GMT -5)
Louise - I'm crying just reading your post - it reminds me of how my life has turned from happy, healthy to one bad thing after another.
Yes, a kitten is good therapy for sure. I say this with my kitty sitting on my lap looking up at me with love in his eyes, purring. They bring us such joy and we don't have to put on a brave face for them.

You may not see it, but it looks like things are starting to turn around for you - just don't rush anything, give your body, and mind time to heal from the wounds. It will get better.
You'll get there....one step at a time.

Take care, dear....big hugs across the miles from Canada.
Posted 8/19/2014 8:27 PM (GMT -5)
I'm so sorry Louise. I'm praying for you and your family. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things we have to endure in this life.
Now you have two very strong angels pulling for your full recovery.
It will get better, you will get better. Keep fighting.

XO

Oh, and I agree with everyone, there's nothing like a sweet kitten (especially saving from a local animal shelter) to bring a ray of sunshine into your world.
Posted 8/19/2014 8:44 PM (GMT -5)
Poor Baby.

It's so strange how those of us with Lyme etc. go through these runs of terrible bad luck.

I won't even tell you my horror stories, except that I'm still here.

I think there's always light at the end of the tunnel, that's the nature of a tunnel isn't it? The thing is, you've got to make it through the tunnel.

That's a lot of loss you have to cope with. Ok, I will tell you this: In the years 2008-2009, my father died while I was in the hospital having my thyroid removed, I broke up with my bf, and my dog was poisoned. Meanwhile, I lost way more money than I intended to spend on a crappy contractor. But, I'm here!!

I wrote a Dear Friends letter called, "Dear Friends, My Year of the Voodoo Curse." :)

Give yourself time to grieve, and then get a cat or dog. I set up a little altar for my parents; that helps some.

I hope you have some supportive friends and family members.

Keep walking through the tunnel until you see a glimmer of light; that's your ray of sunshine.

Margaret
Posted 8/19/2014 9:38 PM (GMT -5)
Oh Louise74 I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Please know I'm praying for you ((((((HUGS)))))))
Posted 8/20/2014 2:10 AM (GMT -5)
Louise I am so incredibly sorry! I cannot believe the number of losses you have suffered! I am praying for you and your family!
Posted 8/20/2014 4:44 AM (GMT -5)
Louise—
I am so sorry you have been through so much. Life does not give us more than we can handle but it sure tests our resolve. Stay strong and connected with the forum. You will get through this.

My precious kitty of 22 years passed a couple of years ago right after a significant relationship ended and I still grieve. I was advised over and over to get another kitty—and I could never bring myself to do it. I wish I had and still might. It's good advice. ;)

Hang in there—give yourself a hug.

-p
Posted 8/20/2014 8:46 AM (GMT -5)
Prayers and hugs to you. I have had 14 years of life beating us down, we get up and wham, there it is again. Lost both parents and 2 babies in a 7 year span, we had many animals, all but 2 have passed, our oil tank was leaking (passes inspection) and we moved out 5 months while they dug out our foundation and took away dirt. Closed the Ft. where my husband worked, so now he commutes to Md. (we didn't want to move) and lives there to work... and now my son's life is destroyed by brain, neuro lyme misdiagnosed last school year and now struggling to recover to do this school year and not doing well. I want him to stay home until Dec. and body movement subsides, he wants to go, but he'll get made fun of.

His illness has shredded our family. Lyme rage and anger, destruction, physical abuse to himself... all more than my family can deal with so it's just me.

Life just won't let up. I feel like I can't find the d--- tunnel, let alone see the light.

Hugs to you, so many hugs. When my mom died, a nice lady came into my life and now is sort of my second mom - that can be good and bad you know ;) - it definitely has helped, I think my mom sent her.
One of my favorite quotes...


“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

― Rose Kennedy

Hang in there - you will do great things and save others struggling some day!
Posted 8/20/2014 9:23 AM (GMT -5)
Thanks everyone. I know I'm not the only person suffering and with losses. I happy having this community for support. I pray for all of us on this board to finding a path to wellness and happiness despite our struggles. I do know in life amazing thing can happen and despite everything I hang on to that each day.
Posted 8/21/2014 2:20 PM (GMT -5)
Louise - so sorry to hear of your losses and what a terrible time you have been going though. I just want you to know that I am sending hugs and prayers your way. It sounds like you have a good attitude and therefore I know you will get through this.
Posted 8/21/2014 2:31 PM (GMT -5)
That a lot of stress and loss. You have a huge ray of Michigan sunshine coming at you. You are not alone. Hugs.
Posted 8/21/2014 2:34 PM (GMT -5)
Just thinking of you today, Louise. I hope that you are finding bits of those rays of sunshine that everyone is still sending to you. Hang on!! The good times are coming again!
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