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relationships harder with lyme

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Posted 9/6/2014 2:05 PM (GMT -5)
Ok so my husband as been diagnosed with Lyme a year ago. Took them over 5 years to find that out. I've noticed a big change in him year to year. No patience, always an attitude and it's super hard. I mention anything about blaming his actions with his Lyme and u would think I did something wrong. Were out of Ohio and not a lot of people have this and we have tried setting up discussion groups but no one in our area has or will reply. But now this has taken a toll on our relationship and not only does he need support and someone to talk to, .... I do too. Anyone going through the same situation?sub]
Posted 9/6/2014 2:31 PM (GMT -5)
Yeah, on the reverse end. I'm a 19 year old single male whose main symptoms are brainfog, word recall, lack of emotion and empathy, and mental fatigue. All these things have made it impossible for me to cultivate new friendships or romantic relationships. On the rare times I have hit it off with a girl (I get a "good" day once every 3 months and a semi-functional day every 3 weeks) by the time I go home, I'm too confused, tired, self-conscious, and insecure to text or call her. I let conversations stand for weeks and if I do manage to respond it's with boring one word answers.

No patience and having an attitude is either a symptom of Lyme (a psychiatric one) that results from an extreme toxic load. Or it's just a healthy, if uncomfortable reaction to the daily struggles he goes through. I've experienced both but my worst mood swings happen when the spirochetes swirl my brain and affect me psychologically. If he has neuro lyme that could easily be the case. Sound/light sensitivity is a factor too. If he suffers from sound or light sensitivity then any sight/sound stimulation could be setting him off.

A therapist is a good idea if no one in your area is willing to meet.

By the way in my case lyme makes it impossible to relate to others, hold a functional conversation, much less flirt and be romantic. Are relationships harder for me? They're impossible. I feel like I'm in exile and can only surround myself with my closest friends and family because few others would understand.

Sorry for disjointed post, brainfog....
Posted 9/6/2014 2:32 PM (GMT -5)
I'm the sick one in our house, so I know how it can affect the mind. I think it might be harder for men to tolerate since many of them have a hard time being the needy one. He most likely knows that much of his behavior is because of the infection and that's hard for anyone to understand who hasn't been through Lyme. When you're ill for a long time, it can make a person impatient. I know I get that way, but I try to keep it down. If both of you are willing, maybe some counseling would be helpful, just to learn some ways to help both of you deal with things so it doesn't impact you so hard and it would be good for him too, since it would cut down on some stress. Battling Lyme is a lesson in patience, both for the patient and the care giver.

He should join this group too so he can get the support he needs and learn about Lyme and the importance of diet and detoxing. There's a "New to Lyme?" thread at the top of the page that both of you should read through so you both have a better understanding of it.

I hope the 2 of you can work together through his journey to health. Try to remember the good times and know those can return.
Posted 9/6/2014 2:50 PM (GMT -5)
This is a good website to check out.


http://www.lymespouse.org/
Posted 9/6/2014 2:51 PM (GMT -5)
I live in Ohio where you at I have had Lyme for over 16 years and am sick to death with it I us to be more patent but cannot stand the sligest thing hurt sooooo much however I was diagnosed 4 mounths ago and am seeing a LLDr in cleveland area he has me on oral antibiotics and after a mounth they are miserable to take the vits and breathing treatments and shots are easy to deal with i am extremly disiplined in my treatment regimen but feel lousy allways and I know I to am hard on my wife and feel guilty at times, hang in there and keep hope it gets better.
Posted 9/6/2014 2:58 PM (GMT -5)
Thanks everyone, counseling would work if he would come back to reality and realize he is this way bc of his Lyme, as far as him not wanting to be needy, you are so right. He just got a port and anytime I ask if he needs help with any of it, it's always no. He's off work now for a bit while he's doing this and I just happend to get a really good job after being a stay at home mom so this is different on him too. I just feel like he doesn't even want to be around me. And I've researched and watch stories on Lyme but you never hear stories from the spouse.
Posted 9/6/2014 3:01 PM (GMT -5)
We're near Mansfield, we were going to a specialist in Cleveland until we found someone in Cincinnati. Who actually takes our insurance. We did contact a specialist in New York and think we r going to go to him if this picc doesn't help
Posted 9/6/2014 3:07 PM (GMT -5)
I live in Ohio where you at I have had Lyme for over 16 years and am sick to death with it I us to be more patent but cannot stand the sligest thing hurt sooooo much however I was diagnosed 4 mounths ago and am seeing a LLDr in cleveland area he has me on oral antibiotics and after a mounth they are miserable to take the vits and breathing treatments and shots are easy to deal with i am extremly disiplined in my treatment regimen but feel lousy allways and I know I to am hard on my wife and feel guilty at times, hang in there and keep hope it gets better.
Posted 9/6/2014 4:37 PM (GMT -5)
Difficulty in relationships continue to be one of my most troubling sx. I agree with everything said on the thread. It's horrible. And for me, this has been going on for 15 yrs—I was only dx 6 mos ago. Over all these years I have turned into a completely different person—unrecognizable on many levels. I've lost all my acquaintances and social circles and all but three friends. who live on the opposite coast.

It was so tough to deal with work relationships as well—very stressful. And romantic relationships are impossible. You simply cannot start a relationships when you are in this condition. So I suffer alone. By the time I'm healed and ready to get back to life—it will likely be too late for me to start a family. I think that's the biggest blow in all this and I really can't bear to think about it.

I am eternally grateful to finally be in treatment, but this condition and the b.s. going on in the medical profession has left a LOT of damage in its wake. You are not alone. It is really a good idea to have him join the forum.

-p
Posted 9/6/2014 5:39 PM (GMT -5)
As far as him not wanting your help, he may just be the type that is worse with people around, along with not wanting to appear needy. I'm better with people around and my dh likes to be alone when he's ill. I'm glad he isn't the one with Lyme!

I hope your new job goes well.
Posted 9/6/2014 6:07 PM (GMT -5)
Thank you, we have been together for 12 years and it's crazy but you can really tell a difference in him. And it seems like this almost affects Everyone a little different. And all in all it just tears everyone down though. This is horrible and I feel for everyone who has it and no one will understand unless they have been in their shoes. He is a member of a forum and I'm not even sure if it's this one, but I just got to the point where I needed to talk and hear from others.
Posted 9/6/2014 6:24 PM (GMT -5)
Relationships are another casualty of lyme except in rare cases. It is so hard being the one sick but I know it has to be hard for the partner who cares. Sick for ten years,just dx 4 months ago. My significant other of 11 years left me last year, movec to another state. When he made the decision he was gone in less than 60 days. I was at my worst with symps. Lost people I thought were friends. It is very hard. This illness changed my personality, it is very hard. I hope you can find support and that he will also realize if his brain will let him that he needs support to get through this.
Posted 9/6/2014 7:42 PM (GMT -5)
Reading all of your posts breaks my heart!! I wish we could all get together and be "friends"! I think we'll be forever changed from this disease. Losing people who you thought were good friends is hard enough, let along having to deal with Lyme and coinfections.

Pirouette, my heart ached for you so bad when you said you might miss out on having a family because of this disease... My 3 little ones are holding me together even though it is so hard to take care of them and take care of myself being sick. I pray that you will get better and your wish to have a family comes true!!

Bcdarr.... All I can say, don't take anything personally that your husband does. Nothing is against you, it'd the disease that is making him feel the way he does and makes him impatient and edgy. I really dislike being around my husband right now. Everything irritates me and I always can't wait for him to go to bed so I can be alone. He's not particularly helpful though and often forgets that I'm sick because I have yo do so much for the kids no matter how I'm feeling. Hang in there and support him in getting better as quickly as possible. I do think therapy could help you both if you could get him to go. If not him, you go so you can get some of these feelings off your chest. Your therapist might not understand though how Lyme makes him feel and act, so keep that in mind.
Posted 9/6/2014 7:44 PM (GMT -5)
I am dealing with my son - you can see some of my posts, he has neuro psychiatric brain lyme, raging, anger, not sure about brain fog, but seems unorganized, ocd, tics, but just took on a full 10th grade honors load with NO leniency. I have dealt with him like this for over a year - misdiagnosed all last year over and over despite my requests to physicians to look at his blood work (off the charts ) from 4 years ago (he was "cured).

It is VERY hard. It has shredded our family, my husband has little patience/tolerance so we are ready for divorce. His siblings "don't know what to do" - so he is on the compter gaming every waking minute in group chat/sessions/games.

He snaps when I walk in the dining room to bring him healthy food or meds. My life has been one nightmare after another for 14 years - THIS BY FAR is the hardest I have ever had and that is over losing two babies and both parents in 7 years (I'm and only child).

All I can say is try to maintain the patience of a saint. and then find more patience.... take walks, drink wine - lots - ok, maybe that part isn't going so well, trying to cut back, but it is SO HARD . You know you love him, it's the disease talking - that's what they tell me.

My son just turned 16 - I don't know if it will recur and ruin his life, I don't know if he has the brain power to get through this year (he was slated for top 10 in class - so smart, popular, actor, computer whiz... all questionable right now). This summer, I was wishing I had not had children, it is all just too hard. But for some reason, here we are and we have to be there for loved ones for some reason.

Four more years and without lyme, I may not be here for my husband anymore - this has been the last straw... he can have it all. Hopefully my son will be well and on his way and my youngest as well.

Please try to find support, at least stay on here, the people are just WONDERFUL - they have been getting me through these fires of h...
Posted 9/6/2014 8:01 PM (GMT -5)
I'm sure it's hard; that's why I've given up on dating.

But all you can do is support him; he's sick.

If he sees an LLMD, I would go to the doctor with him, and talk to the LLMD about your issues. Maybe the LL can help clarify some of the issues.

Margaret
Posted 9/7/2014 12:26 AM (GMT -5)
BCDARR, I'm very sorry that you are going through this with your husband. This disease is soooo hard on marriages!! I, luckily have a very stubborn husband who puts up with my Lyme attitude often!! I have learned to take myself to my room when I need to and he has learned to walk away when he needs to as well! Things should get better for you both as he begins to heal. Hang in there! I have found that my "moments" are a lot like PMS. They come on quick, I can not help it, then...poof! They are gone. Another thing that has helped us are long scenic drives, where we really don't say anything. Walks are good as well, as long as he feels up to it.
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