I feel ashamed and humiliated..

My friend is doing a fundraising benefit for me. We are in a very small town everyone knows everyone. I've never told anyone outside my circle about being sick. I feel like people will think I'm just looking for a handout. My friend wants to raise awareness about how devastating it really is.

I feel too sick to help with any of it. I didn't want to do this anyway.. I got sick of her bugging me about it. Sue is really good at raising money. I don't know why I'm so embarrassed. We've always been able to take care of ourselves. I feel like once I accept this money I will have to prove how broke we are. I think I will just take the money and pay my medical bills and take pictures and put it on facebook for everyone to see.

Like I said before my doc was taking my insurance and everything was looking like it would be fine. But he won't anymore.. I think it's really sweet that people are willing to give me their hard earned money. I'm just.. I don't know. We were always the ones helping other people out. We've been broke before but always got our bills payed. Ugh..

I have anxiety about putting myself out there like like this. I don't want to face anyone. It makes it so real.

It's ok. It's ok.

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm broke right now and am avoiding going to get assistance. But the woman on the phone said to me, "No need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. You've paid taxes all your life and worked hard and made society better. Now you need some help. We all go through it."

It's true. We all need help sometimes. You've been there for others, let them be there for you. Can you see it as positive karma? Now they're paying it forward...to YOU right when you need it.

You've been lonely. People will be surrounding you. Maybe now that they know they will come by more often or stay in touch.

We are all pissed that this insidious disease isn't given the attention it deserves. Now your community will become aware.

I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way, it's totally understandable. I hope you let her do the fundraiser for you and that you can embrace it and really give a face to this struggle. Prayers and hugs to you!

:) I knew you guys would say these kinds of things haha. I know it's all true I'm just not feeling it..

Ugh.. I've never been a people person either. I hate being around a bunch of people it makes me really nervous. And I've been having double vision so it's even worse. Maybe I won't have to go lol

Good posts!

I think it is very hard for those of us who are used to helping others to accept help and I have no advice for that because I suck at it but getting better. But I think in the end, through this very humbling experience we are learning how to be better helpers, ourselves, from being on this side of it.

Something else I've learned—MOST people struggle financially. I'd say 90% of people out there would be hugely disadvantaged, if not experience a serious hardship if they were faced with extraordinary medical expenses that are unusual in nature (because of the underdeveloped support of lyme & co in conventional medicine), expensive and often not covered by insurance. And so many people have faced financial problems since the economic crash in '08 for all sorts of reasons. The most common reason for bankruptcy is medical bills, not reckless, overspending. So you'd be surprised how many people not only identify with difficult financial problems but overwhelming medical costs and might donate out of commiseration, not pity.

Yes—good karma coming back to you! Accept their help gracefully and talk with your friend about focusing her energy on bringing awareness —with the side benefit of financial support. And I love the suggestion for documentation and accountability!

-p

Another thought:

When I am a little more grounded, I am hoping to show the "Under our Skin" documentaries somehow, someway (begging some venue to do it for free probably). But you can buy copies of the DVDs WITH rights to show them in a public venue. I think it's $20 for just the DVD vs. $90 for the DVDs + video rights or something like that. That might be a good way to raise $ and awareness.

Awhile back, I bought the rights and when I get a little more grounded I'm hoping to do that myself.

-p

We're always told, "It's better to give than to receive," but if everyone is giving, then who is doing the receiving?!!

It is wonderful that you will be getting this help. Once you are well you will have a very good idea of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of giving and you will be able to make the recipient feel good about accepting it.

It is also good that the Lyme awareness is being spread in another community. Gradually we'll get past the stigma and ignorance!

People who dont want to give will not. Those that do will be overjoyed to do so. Go with it! This is your season in life to receive.