Haven't been here for a long time Update

Hi ,

I have not been on for a long time been going through so much. When I left I was ready to die and still feel that way sometimes . Can't afford LLMD and the closest one is about a six hour drive each wan=y and can't manage that anyway. I know how everyone feels about ID doctors but I at least have a very good one who is really trying everything they can to help. They took a lot of tests including mold panel and mold allergy full allergy panel ( allergies to Dust mites dogs and cats only, no food or gluten allergies or celiac problems ) Checked for MTHFR and I have Positive for one single A1298C and taking Methyl b12 and methyl folate, Still being treated For yeast infection And found compounding Pharmacy to get Powdered Nystatin ( costs 100 dollars a bottle ) Low d so am on prescription D ,tried some other abx but still not tolerating them past two weeks. tested for Mycoplasma came up positive. been taking herbals for bart and babs but had to stop babs CSA is 40 dollars a bottle and with all other stuff can not afford it at the moment took about 3 0r 4 bottles and seem to stop night sweats but, now starting to get small bouts of sweats again, so probably will need to get more as soon as I can.
Still drinking lemon water ,detox teas, green tea, Doing one or two foot baths a day, some dry brushing, activated charcoal, Chorella, and yucca root, for detox. doctor has me on loranzapam 2x aday but wants me on Buprpion for depression but I am afraid to take because have had bad experience with many times before.
Taking Zantac and Pantanase spray for allergies and digestive enzymes and Licorice for digestion.

A lot of stress at the moment, Daughter's car hit by some lady on her phone and their insurane is refusing to pay because it is my daughters word against hers and not enough proof for payout even though our insurance checked damage and is completely sure their is no way the damage could have been made unless my daughter was the one hit . can't afford to fix damage on own 750 deductible and can't afford that.
Dog has been very ill and afraid of losing him, he is 9 and my baby . on top of the 5 or 6 hundred dollars a month for dr. and meds., and many house repairs we can't afford. the stress is unbearable.
Still having a hard time ,anxiety and panic attacks and depression along with muscle and joint pain. Hoping for some kind of improvement soon, very tired.

Thank-you for your reply

I stopped posting because being suicidal was upsetting people, and not having an LLMD was also upsetting people . I'm still suicidal, so if this is too much for other posters, I don't want to cause problems. I have very bad days ,just passed two day episode. My dog may be dying and this is causing bad depression as he has been my life for almost ten years. I fell and hit my chest on the edge of the tabe getting out of my foot bath and foot missed towel and hit wood floor , I'm in a lot of pain and may have to go for X rays if It doesn't feel better in a couple of days . I also got bit bye a spider about a month ago and had bad reaction for a week .
The yeast I've been treating for two years with out success and I tried everything even talked to Someone here with bad yeast and Have tried everything she said to do with out success. doctors just tried me on a new medicine that was just put out a couple of months ago that was supposed to kick out even bad stubborn infections and it did not work. They don't think it will get better with out finding what is causing it and they are stumped as I have been tested for Heavy metals ,parasites, mold etc.
I am on gluten free, sugar free, dairy free, yeast free diet and stick to it pretty well. I have fallen off a couple of times and tried to add some foods but don't do well and have to go strict again. Been trying to follow diet for most of two years and am so tired of the food but have to stay on it .this is also very depressing for me as food was a very big part of my life before. I'm Italian and If you are really Italian you would understand the food thing. Every thing always revolved around food in my family and circle of friends I had before I got sick. Lost all family and friends and am pretty much alone except for daughter and Husband who both work all the time. Hus band is doing a little better with this, but still sometimes says he thinks most of this is in my head because of depression. This makes me upset.
Don't know where to go from here. Have a doctors appointment this week and will see what else they can do for yeast, and any other ideas they have.
Mostly need some one to talk to being very lonely ,in pain and sick all the time.
You asked about antidepressants, and yes I have been on them about three times with very bad reactions to all I've tried. May have to try again getting desperate for relief.
sorry such long posts but have not talked to anyone about this stuff in months.

Ginger - now that you've posted here and we know how you are struggling - I don't want you to leave...as I (and others) will be worried about you.

So, please keep posting and let us help you...just know we are listening and understand.

Lots of experience - which brings knowledge to the forum.

Yay for you, Catchscooter!!!

Ginger~So many here struggling, in so many ways, we can all relate. When I lost my dog of 9 yrs, it was devastating (my spouse on biz trip, family away...). I knew it was coming & I sat the whole day on the floor with her, crying & taking in the ast moments.

Your furry baby knows the love. And during this difficult time, you do need to take care of yourself & try, try not to let all the stress overwhelm you (I know, easier to say!).

Hang in there. You have folks here who truly understand.

It's a very heavy load to carry when you have all of that - but we are here to help support you.

I just turned 52 at the beginning of this month. Funny, that hit me harder than turning 50. I have lost the majority of my life (45 yrs) to being sick and just trying to figure out how to get through the day. I was fortunate in that I married a wonderful man just over 15 yrs ago that has a small (1,000 sq ft), but nice house, and we have lots of room for a garden and grandkids to run and play - but I'm pretty much still house bound too. It gets old after 20 yrs of it. I want to go out, but can't - so I refuse to focus on it.

I'm fortunate in that hubby has a good pension since he was disabled about 6 yrs ago and we almost lost everything, including our house at that point. We managed to squeak by somehow, and here we still are. And yet, because neither of us are capable of doing the work ourselves, our house too is in need of a lot of repairs. They will get done, just not very quickly since it takes us so long to 'recover' between projects.

Take it one day at a time. Don't let yourself look at the long term if it depresses you. If it's a must, be sure to only focus on it as long as absolutely necessary. I usually call my daughter after I have had to look at a depressing view of my future as she understands and will help me find something to giggle about, because I want to get out of the frame of mind that kind of thinking puts me in.

And again - lean on us. Try to find some happy moments with your dog - especially since he's not in pain. And find some happy moments with your daughter too - and celebrate every tiny little accomplishment. It really will help to bring some of the joy of life back to you - slowly, but it works.