hi everyone morbid depression

hi everyone. I have lyme and babesia. I was doing pretty good from april 2014 to july of this year when we moved from memphis tn to hendersonville nc in the mountains.

that trip was hell to get here. I found a doctor that my lyme doctor back home told me about who treats enviromental lines. I have gone backward cause he does't really think I have lyme. it is just not going to work. I am calling lyme doctors to get an appointment I have found 4 in my area.

I am a trauma victim and I have been working on that for the last year. so many memories are coming up and I left my family in tennessee who abandoned me over and over. they just never have been there for me

I have a spirited horse and I lost my stirrup and fell hitting a fence and tearing my rotator cuff.

it seems I hurt a lot and I cannot sleep good. I have tried benadryl, doxepin, and fixing to get on trazodone to see if that helps.

I am just so tired of fighting. I stay in bed all day now every day cause once I get to sleep, it is late, and laying in bed feels so good after suffering for so long, it is like that is the only way I have any peace.

I want peace so bad and relief from suffering. it is like I can't stand it anymore. I say I want to die a lot. I have a nice home, a good husband, a horse, but my physical and my emotional pain is too great.

my family and my one friend back in tennessee think I am crazy and tell me I just need some sunshine and exercise. I have no one to validate me or believe me. I think I am crazy a lot and I just need to quit treating lyme and not worrying about it.

it is like I have lost the will to live. Dr H talks about this in his book. he said a lot of lyme patients who have had a lot of trauma and emotional pain, just give up and that keeps them from getting well. that is me.

thank you for listening. jackie

Hi Jackie

I'm so sorry you're feeling so lost...

I think (it's my personal believe) that a lot of us have traumas that need to be dealt with in order to fully regain their health.
I've been in treatment for Lyme specifically for over 3yrs. Lately I've been experiencing a lot of flash-backs. Traumatizing events that I had totally forgotten about. I know it's now time to handle them. I'm more and more convinced that handling these traumatic experiences will help me getting better.

It's hard to move away from your home. Could you find out if there's a Lyme support group where you moved to now? You could make contact with some new people and talk to fellow patients.

Since being under treatment, I cut off some 'friendships' cause they were causing too much stress and frustrations... I felt I had to do this to protect myself. I thought they would come back whenever time is right, or when it's needed. I had 3 friends contacting me in just 2 weeks, hadn't heard from them in years. One already drove an hour to my house, I tolld her what has been bothering me, she said she was wrong and apologized.

I say the same thing to my husband over and over again: 'I want peace and quiet, just that'...

Don't loose your spirit, we're strong and very resilient. You can get past this. It's hard, the confrontations with traumatic events, but it shows us that we need to handle it.

Marie

Your adrenals have probably been hit hard from all you've been through, Jackie.

That's an issue for me and I'm trying some natural things. An MD will only recognize adrenal disease if you have Addisons so probably don't want to mention it to your physician.

I cannot fall asleep EVER even though I'm exhausted.

Hi. I was given some of that but it is a pill and does not touch me. I was put on Rhodolia too gaba no luck.

I have had saliva testing. My cortisol is high at night. My autonomic nervous center is messed up. Who would help that ?? A neurologist.

I have got to get relief even if I go on pain medication. I also concerned my liver enzymes were elevated. Scared rage anything with Tylenol.