accidental insinuation

Hi All,

I was going to post this on a psych forum, but I think it might be related to Lyme and I was curious if any other lymies have these strange episodes.

I have a "condition" that may seem minor, but it has been ruining my life, and I'm trying to get a better understanding of what it is and why it happens.

I think I may have developed my Lyme case about 10 years. I lost some eye sight, and had a large host of neurological problems which progressed to the point of needing to quit my job. I think the onset of Lyme and this mental issue may coincide.

Anyway, I have this thing where a voice in my head says the exact opposite of what I'm thinking or experiencing. So, if I meet a really nice and polite person, my brain automatically shouts the word "b*tch" or something derogatory which is the exact opposite of what I'm experiencing. So, if I meet someone who is really nice, and I find that I like them my brain automatically says "I hate you" or something like that. Then I need to correct my thoughts and say to myself, "I don't hate this person. Why would you think something like that? That's so rude." It's really strange. It kind of reminds me of OCD or tourettes.

That is all mental processing that isn't perceived by anyone else outside my head, but sometimes I think this strange voice will interfere with my actions and conversations. It usually manifests in this somewhat uncontrollable insulting "insinuation" during a conversation. For example, the other day I met up with my friend's mother. Her husband had passed away a year or two ago. We had a really nice chat for about an hour, and when I was leaving she gave me something that I had left at her house a few years ago. I totally knew and understood that she was busy with the funeral and all and I didn't expect her to worry about giving me back some stupid thing I left over her house, but when I was leaving, I unconsciously insinuated that she should have given me this object back sooner than she did. It was totally out of place in the conversation and it insulted her. She started trying to explain why she hadn't given me back the object sooner, and I was just so in shock that I suggested that, that I couldn't explain myself to her. When I say I was in shock because I insinuated that, what I mean was, I insinuated it unconsciously. I didn't even have that thought in my mind, it just happened. I didn't know where it came from. It was like a foreign alien made that comment.

This is not an isolated incident. These "unconscious insinuation" events happen quite regularly to me, and I have lost a lot of friends because of it. They've been going on for at least 10 years now, but I never remember being like this throughout high school and early college. I almost want to isolate myself from people so I don't unintentionally insult anyone anymore.

It sounds trivial, but it's truly ruining my life.

I think it may be some sort of mental disorder that I have. I was wondering if it could be OCD or a mild form of tourettes. Maybe someone on this forum might suggest what this could be?

With the Lyme disease, I was having hallucinations, alzheimer-like episodes along with mild hallucinations. I'm not sure if these unconscious insinuation events are related to the Lyme somehow.

Those thoughts sound like the ones I experience when I get The Lyme Rage, lol....your's seem much milder, so to speak, because when I get the full on rage it is like I have no control of the verbal abuse that I need to spew. Fortunately I am pretty good at removing myself from anyones ear shot, well, my husband doesn't count, LOL!!

It is infact a chemical imbalance, from my reading and understanding, but not in the schizopherenic sense, it's more to do with the chemical imbalances that are as a result of the Lyme doing very odd things in your head.

I too worried for a long wil that I was infact just schizophrenic and that this had absolutely nothing at all to do with Lyme, (and there's a Greek doc who's certain I am indeed schizophrenic, but then he's a Lyme denier too, so he's madder than I am, lol), but what I can say is that it has gotten much better with Lyme and co treatment, so that wouldn't happen if I was.

Two things, my psych symptoms I am sure are very much influenced by Bart, I can't remember but do you have that as a Co infection?

Second, have you looked at Buhners herbs specifically for The Brain? I am taking Tryptophan and kudzo and will be on uncaria rhynchopylla. They are specific for brain protection and inflamation of the brain.

I don't know if that helps??

very interesting.....been dealing with psych issues for years.....found out about Lyme and co infections approx 6 months ago....my llmd says i have had this for years and now calls it chronic.

worth looking into,as i will be also.

stay positive and keep fighting this)

As I was reading, I was thinking Tourette's as well.

Please test/treat for bartonella. It can cause a host of psychiatric symptoms.

Psychoimmunology of Tick borne Diseases and its Association with Neuropsychiatric Symptoms

/www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kG7BHlByeQ