Setting boundaries when you have Lyme

Yeah, you could do this, or let them walk all over you because you're too deficient to defend yourself all that well, then, after things have escalated to the point of a shouting match, tell them you hate them, then not speak for days, weeks on end.

I'd go with this though. This sounds like it'd work out better.

Thanks, Traveler. :D

Excellent Traveler! I think this applies to everyone no matter if you are sick or not. Boundaries are important in every aspect of life...

And Antonio, I am also LOLing!!

Denise

Oh Traveler, never in my life did I think I would learn all the things I have if I didn't get chronic lyme, golly gee! I would have never learned about detoxing, diet, staying away from negative people, and the list goes on..

Yep, I'm doing great! Just very busy but a very good type of busy!

Sounds like you are doing great! Hugs back to you, Denise

:).. glad I'm still good for a few laughs every so often.

Bump - with the holidays quickly approaching, I'd like to keep this bumped up so that everyone has a chance to read it.

I'm so glad I found this thread..although I need help from the other side of the coin. My adult son, being so sick with Lyme and now living with us (his parents), has literally consumed our lives and acts as though we owe him availability on demand. For example, almost every night he "needs" to talk about his distrust of doctors and his refusal to "micromanage" is life with alternative care "because I've lived like that long enough." When I say I'm really tired, he is dismissive and his anxiety increases because he has "no one else to talk to," and we are all aware how anxiety can make matters worse. I feel stuck and like I need to suck it up and just let him walk all over me so he can get better. He is OCD, compulsive, etc by personality (always been a perfectionist). I will do this if it is necessary, but can anyone advise on what my boundaries should sound like so that I don't make him feel guilty or send him off the deep end He is so sensitive and really wants to live his life and resents having to live with us (he's 29) while he has lost all his friends, and his younger siblings have moved on.
Thank you for letting me vent!

I'm sorry you're going through this EmilyH. Your son might not be able to understand what you're saying, since neuroLyme can have a devastating effect on the brain. None of these boundary setting ideas would have worked for me when I was very sick, since I went through a long time where I couldn't talk or write at all. I went from being able to graduate with a 3.9 GPA in Biology, with plans of going to grad school for organic chemistry or genetics to being unable to speak, think, read or write within my first 6 months of treatment. Its been an up and down road ever since.

I can't speak for your son, since I don't know exactly what he's feeling, but I am in a similar situation myself. I'm about the same age, had trust issues with doctors, am very sensitive and just want to be able to move on with my life instead of being so sick. Have no friends and spend 99% of my time alone.

Can you set aside a specific amount of time every day to talk to him? A time where he can talk about what he's going through, and you can support him and help him. So he knows there will be a set time to talk every day. If little things come up outside that time, he can come to you...but major stuff should wait for this time.

Are there any Lyme support groups you could take him to? That would give him other people to talk to, so you don't have to deal with everything. You could tell him about this site. I know I've found a lot of wonderful, helpful people here.

People with Lyme often can't organize their thoughts well, so they need a healthy person to help. I'm not sure what your son is doing for treatment. It would be worth helping him figure that out.

Does he love animals? My horses are really my main emotional support. If he's stable enough, a pet might be a good idea.

Connecting with others is so important...with Lyme or with any issues. I remember watching a TEDtalk that the opposite of addiction is not abstention but connection. I wish my son would reach out, but right now he is in such a bad frame of mind about being on the East Coast and the people here vs the Pacific Northwest. He is his own worst enemy and is making choices that are not helping, but I can't say that because then he feels judged and criticized and says he's tired of defending himself. And the other half of his demeanor is the disease itself. I know I need to just be here for him and stop advising...I suppose he will reach out when he is ready to, or he won't, but either way I can only be here for him.